I'm sorry that she has backslid!! And you said the right thing to her, too!!!
I hope she just leaves you alone, now. You don't need the stress and you can't be the help she needs!! (((((Hugs)))))

I totally disagree with BobInMaine's reply (#1). I don't really care how many years of sobriety a person has - it's what they are DOING in their sobriety. I know folk with over 20 years of sobriety that haven't worked the Steps beyond the first 3.

I also do not understand WHY you were told that you couldn't contact your sponsor who relapsed. What the?? We are supposed to reach out to the suffering alcoholic! We aren't supposed to abandon those that are in need!

I always call someone if I haven't seen them at the home group meeting a couple of times to find out how they are. I don't see why you can't call her just to say that you were thinking of her and that you are praying for her too. Also, just to let her know that you have a new sponsor.

My first sponsor relapsed on me - I was just a few months sober. I found out that she relapsed when her sponsor approached me at a meeting and offered to be my new sponsor. My new sponsor said that she was proud of me for reaching out to her relapsed sponsee to express that I cared. She is now back at it and is really working a strong program and doing a lot of service work. I ran into her about a year ago, and she shared with me that she was feeling so ashamed when she relapsed and that it really meant a lot to her that I called her.

Good post Whadahay. I know many people in AA with years of sobriety who have been a huge help to me but there is one thing that they could not do. Because they have never gone past Step 1 themselves, it would be impossible for them to pass something on that they have not got. That does not mean that their help is any less important or less appreciated, but they would not make good sponsors.

You cannot buy experience, but that said, anybody who has done the Steps up to and including Step 9 and is living by those principles is well capable of becoming a sponsor. It is not always the length of sobriety that is most important but what you do with it.

Dont tell me what to do BBH. That's not how it works.

Did you read the post? Did you read the replies?

I don't need to explain myself to you.

BBH-wtf are you talking about?

I have a hard time understanding you-are you trying to be antagonistic? You seem to lash out in ways that baffle me.

How is this helpful to anyone?

Bah, I did not reveal the person's identity therefore this a generic discussion of how I should handle the situation. It was necessary for me to reveal MY relationship to this person, which is sponsor-sponsee.

I posted this to get help for myself, but also thinking others would learn from seeing that this sort of thing happens and there may be a right way to deal with it. I got a lot of good information from pretty much everyone who replied here except you.

You once again feel the need to poke and prod and belittle. Did you really have any intent to help anyone with your reply? Why not just leave it be if you have no positive contribution or constructive criticism regarding my dilemma?

My observation of you is that you often want provoke others or simply boost your own ego by squashing others statements or questions. You never post any encouragement for anyone, do you? Of course not because then you'd be lifting someone else up a little closer to the pedestal you place yourself on.

I'll give this... You jack my serenity and I fall for your shit every time, making myself look bad. Well done old timer - I almost have a month of sobriety. One day I hope I can be as holy as you.

Is like generic an AA word for gossip? I gotcha BB.

I could tell it wasn't generic right away....no gossip for me

Best

How is it gossip for me to share my experience and frustration for feedback? I did not know how to handle the situation. What better place to seek support than where no one knows the people mentioned. I certainly can't inquire in a mtg.

Maybe I should have ended with... I need some feedback and support - having a tough time with this situation.

If I wanted to gossip I wouldn't be posting on an anonymous forum.

Anyone else want to jump In and take a jab?

Anna I don't think you did anything wrong here, but you know Mr. AA has to jump in & let everyone know AA's "official" stance on everything so....ignore that BS and don't let the official AA spokesperson mess with your serenity. Nobody knows what he's talkin about 1/2 the time anyways. Good God at the drama on here today....

Get a new sponsor, I would suggest one with more sober time though....a bit more stable in their serenity if ya know what I mean.

Hang in there, love.

Good to know you're not adding to the drama HC..........

Good to know that you're still jumping in to defend him too Glad, it's also nice to see you do it as yourself this time. Thank you! :)

OK I'm jumping into this fray...I'm thinking you need to curb YOUR pen and not hit the send button Bear. Having been dumped by a sponsor at a very early stage in sobriety I can relate to the confusion and hurt being felt. Those of us who have not been active or involved in AA for very long really don't comprehend all the dynamics involved. It...as is sobriety...is a process.

HTL remember to take what you need and LEAVE the rest...that includes clueless, useless and unwarranted (and unwanted) advise.

This post reminds me of something my sponsor said to me early days.

'Do not rely on me to keep you sober, I am but human and vulnerable to human weakness. If you want to stay sober then you need to rely on your HP who is above human weakness.'

In your reply #15 you say to 'contact her it might put your sobriety at risk' I think that is your anwer in regards whether you contact her or not. You have cleary articulated it could put your sobriety at risk. Is that a price you are willing to pay?

G8

Holycrap,

I wasn't "helping" Mark out. He didn't require that. You came on in attack mode which doesn't surprise me and when I commented on THAT, you got defensive. And as to coming on here as myself, if I want to go on other boards under a different username to keep looky loos like you and your aussie buddy, that's none of your business.

I don't air my entire personal life here for everyone to see like you do. I've got a female face to face sponsor and real life friends to do that with. Can you say the same???

I meant to say you and your aussie buddy from obsessively reading other boards to see if you can "catch" someone from the alcoholism board on other sites.