I'm in AA

Sober 18 months +

I had an awakening

It came over a period of time, I saw changes in me that I liked and chnages in the way people reacted to me and I to them.

A God who wants good things to happen for me, if I am doing the right things in my living

Olive, I've been sober almost a year. Like Nikki said, I think it's a gradual thing. I started noticing the little things that showed me that I was on the right path. I had some weird stuff happen that cannot be explained and they, to me, are God things. Doesn't matter whether anyone else believes that or not. It matters to me.

Start paying attention. :) I do truly believe that "Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous." :)

I had a yellow butterfly stalk me for about a week. It first appeared while I was outside at my sisters house praying one morning when I was housesitting for her. She lives about 45 minutes away and I saw one when I got home, and then every day for a week outside my office at work. Even driving down the road once....

One day I came home from work and there was a red helium balloon tied to my doorknob. I live in an apartment and no other doors had them, just mine. This was after an exceptionally bad day at work and thinkin of pickin up a drink.

I know that stuff sounds silly to most folks, but to me.....it means something. I'll pm you the most significant one of all (to me!).

Keep doin what you're doin and don't lose hope!!!! Notice the "little" things cause they may not be so little afterall. :)

bump

I would have to disagree mike, it is very relevant for alcoholics and these stories need to be shared where ever possible. It was the words SPIRITUAL AWAKENING from the big book that gave me the most hope of finding the BEST cure for my illness.

It was when I was at my most lowest in spirit when I had my awakening. I was just told I had Hep C and that more drinking would only shorten my life. I was beat by my own choices in life and I could not accept it without feeling sorry for myself. I had no hope for my sobriety.

I gave up on God when I was a child because he could not keep my mother and father from separating. Later my mother would send me to Sunday school and I just never got why people trusted God the way they did, since he let me down he will let them down also.

When I saw the words "as you understand him" in the 12 steps I had to ask myself ,what does this mean? do we not share the same God in heaven? is not God the father of Jesus? I can not believe this God for he has made the world a horrible place to live in. What has God ever done for me? these are questions many ask and ponder.

I look at the sponsors and those who have gone before me and who have had spiritual awakenings, I think to myself how dearly I would love to have what they have. They shared their hopes and stories of awakenings with me and some were amazing. I was more hopeful when I heard someone else actually had experienced a spiritual awakening. I suppose again it will be "horses for courses " as with many ways of finding a sober path.

In my program I had two choices, get inside the chapel or hit the highway, I had no choices left really because I knew if I took the highway I would not live but survive and I wanted to live, I wanted to smile more and be sincerely happy.

I started to take God on board and did as I was told. I would take God as I understand him everywhere and imagine he was right next to me all through my day. I would imagine he was knocking on the door of my heart every night. I answered the door and we would sit down on the floor and I would tell him how nice it was he being with me. This is what I was told to do so I did it with a sincere heart and humble spirit. Yes it was like brain washing myself and I would not go unrewarded in time.

7 months into my intense program. I was feeling sorry for myself while sitting outside the Chapel around 7 p.m., with my head down and my hands holding my head. I looked up for some reason and I saw a FEMALE face appear from the sky heading down towards me, her face got bigger and bigger, the light was very bright around the edges of the clouds where her face was coming through. She wore a scarf on her head and she would be around 40 years old with roman like features. I do not know who this angelic looking woman was. Shortly after I had stepped out of my earthly body and stood next to someone a couple of meters away from where I was sitting, I was looking at myself sitting down looking very done in. Someone was sitting next to me but I could not see clearly who it was. I was going back and forth from being sat down to standing and watching myself. My heart bleeds for him and it was then I really knew I was going to love him unconditionally. No one of this world spoke with me this night while I was sitting down feeling sorry for myself.

I found out the next day that I was not only feeling unconditional love for myself but for everyone around me. I was no longer shy or low on esteem. I have seen the truth this day, unconditional love towards all was what I understood to be my message from my awakening. I would not be connected to the earth like I use to be for a few days after, only my body was. It felt like I was asleep but with my eyes open. I worked and conversed with others but never really felt right for some reason. I told my counselor and he just said welcome and asked if I was interested in attending a college for priesthood..lol.

Today is all I have for sure but for me also a bright and hopeful future, no matter what happens to the world or me I know angels are watching over us all waiting for that right time to intervene. I am so glad I handed my life over and had enough sense to do as I was told in my 12 Step program.

I attend a slightly unusual Church... Led by a true Christian and a lay preacher.. He is the most humble person it has been my please to meet.
We had, in the Bible Class been asking ourselves, on scale of 1 to 10 where are faith was... The usual 7,6,8 s were called. The lay Preacher said it various day to day, hour by hour.. " anywhere between 3 to 10."

This answer deflected the group and I luckily didn't have to answer. I was very new to my journey to God. After the meeting, he pulled me to one side ... "Les, why are you so troubled today?" I replied " I'm struggling putting my faith in The Lord"

He asked if he could pray with / for me.. He prayed " Dear Lord give Les the strength to trust ... Etc etc..

It was such a cathartic experience ... Literally a light came on.. And that day I learned to give my problems over to God...