Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
I have been trying to find someone else in my shoes... literature of any sort on this topic... anything, with no avail. So... anyone else experienced this?
Particularily my relationship with my mother has gotten significantly worse since I have been sober (over a year) My sober friends have asked me if it was bc she was codependent... nope. We didn't have a great relationship to begin with but it's gotten dramatically worse. She blatantly doesn't believe my sobriety (frankly I don't care what she chooses to believe, she lives 5 states away) she is quite possibly the most miserable and critical person I have ever come across in my life.
Example: hey mom I lost 32lbs and signed back up for school and scored this full time job so I can cut back from 4 part time jobs to just two jobs and school!
Mom: well you still have 30 more to lose so don't get too excited. That's the wrong program and you should have listened to me 10 years ago when I told you to do THiS program. You're going to hate that job and if you try to have two jobs and school you will fail at all of them because you're drunk anyway.
shes also told me that the devil has taken me over when I calmly told her she hurt my feelings when she chose to not come over to my new house when she was in town (she has been in town once since I purchased my house.)
im just at a loss. It's my mom. I wish she was happy for me. I've been choosing to shut her out lately because I feel I have no other choice but that doesn't feel like the right solution...
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I invited Bill to have dinner with me last Sunday. He wasn't willing to drive 7 hours to mid Michigan and teased me with his beautiful ribs!!! So, of course I ate alone and had cedar salmon
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
I am sorry that parents can be angry all their lives at their children....my dad and I did not get along well....he finally gave up on trying to change me and I changed....;-0)
Thankfully, I do not have personal experience of this but I know someone who does.
The thing to remember when dealing with people like your mother is that no matter what you do or how well you do in life, in their eyes, you will still be wrong and a failure. Therefore, trying to please such individuals is a waste of time and energy. That does not mean that you have to cut contact with your mother. Just, don’t expect any praise or acknowledgement from her and be ready to turn a deaf ear to her tirades.
One of the most enlightening things that I have learned from the AA Twelve Step programme is that while you cannot change other people, you can change how you react to what they say or do. The literature on that topic is available in the Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous) but like many textbooks, it is advisable to study it with the aid of a competent tutor.
Sober I didn't look for her approval of anything. I went on with my life. I got my kudos elsewhere.
Great job dear. That's tremendous to lose so much weight. I'm so proud of you. What wonderful news that you found full-time work. Things are looking great for you and I wish I could give you hugs. I love you. Keep making me proud, like you do every day.
She won't tell you this because she hates herself. She can't see past her deficiencies and failures to congratulate you on your successes.
I'm coming up on my 6 year sober anniversary.
Some relaitonships have gotten so much richer, and deeper. Others were sick and my drinking helped me live with them.
Most of them are fading out now.
My mom and I have a difficult relationship. In sobriety I see that she's not the mom I want. So what to do? I need to be the daughter I want to be. I set that as a goal in all my interactions with her, knowing she won't change, and I can't make her change. I can change myself, and my reactions to her. that's it. So far, so good.