Hi, I'm 7 years sober today, and it feels good. I was at work in a hospital this evening, and then sitting at a bus stop later. A man beside me had an open bottle of alcohol, and the fumes were going up my nose. It was mildly triggering, and a good reminder that alcohol is not far away. (I moved away).
7 years and 11 days ago, I was in the wrong part of town, doing the wrong thing, and very cynical. I hadn't had a drink in 19 years (had picked up bits of other drugs in last 4 years). I was feeling imploded and numb, and it occurred to me that a drink would be nice. So I had a drink. Then I went home, and went to a bar and had another one. So began 11 days of drinking. I'm on psych drugs too, so it was really foolhardy to add alcohol, and it really knocked me around.
I didn't get in any trouble - was a quiet drinker - but it's what it did to me on the inside. And I knew, from experience, that it could get a lot worse.
So I went back to meetings. Still with the doubts that I'm REALLY alcoholic.
(I'm in my own special category, called 'problem drinker who can drink')
at one and a half years sober, I got sick of my own denial and doubts. so I prayed for help with the denial. It was removed, gently. What followed was a giving in to my alcoholism. Acceptance that alcohol is not an option. The debate was over.
From this I got freedom from the obsession, it was great. I thought 'beauty - NOW I'm cured! All I've got to do is go to AA for the rest of my life!'
Well, I wasn't cured at all. A year later, i was consumed with a desire to drink - managed to get through it. But there's no guarantees - my 'self' doesn't have the power in this, so my 'self' can't be sure I'll stay sober.
Anyway, I''m just really happy with where I'm at. And I accept ALL my previous drinking - it's all been a learning curve, to get me to here.
These days, I just feel so grateful to be sober, and I stick close to the meetings. I know there's other ways to stay sober - this is what works for me. When I haven't done a meeting in several days, I forget I'm even alcoholic and have this amazing gift called sobriety. I take the whole thing for granted. So, I'm happy to have constant reminders of where i've come from.