Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
Well I lasted 5 days without a drink, and then last night had 14. I started drinking at 2pm and kept on going until they were all gone...I remember waking up on the couch at 4am with the last beer can in my hand still. I didn't pound them back, I savored each one and spaced them out pretty good over 12 hours. I remember everything from yesterday. This doesn't erase the pain and frustration I am feeling today. Why did I buy so many? Why did I go there in the first place? Just because I had money again? I always do this....I get paid, get groceries, and spend the rest on booze so that for the rest of the week I can't even buy a coffee if I want one. The thing is, I think my husband was also drinking last night. He's a long haul truck driver and I could here it in his voice over the phone. That kind of makes me mad because I poured my heart out to him about my problem not even a week ago. It's a long story here about his battles with alcohol and I wrote about my problem and how I admitted it to myself and him in another post. We both get lonely, him more than me because at least I have my family and friends. I craved alcohol all 5 days I went without it, but did I really enjoy it yesterday? Not really. I get on with the rest of my life fine, it doesn't affect my work one bit. I admitted to my friend and co-worker on Tuesday about this. She said I had been more cranky, and moody, but otherwise she didn't know. I cried when I told her, then my boss came to see what was wrong and took me aside in his office and I ended up telling him too. I was embarrassed and ashamed. He thinks I should tell my parents and that I should tell my Dr. I'm on anti-depressants and my Dr. is trying to get me off them and instead of speaking up, I just let him. I am afraid to go to AA. I don't know if it's right for me. I am afraid of what will happen if I don't. Today, I just feel hopeless and so mad at myself.
You say booze isnt effecting your work, but you live pay check to pay check. You don't have to live like that. You are nervous about AA yet you just drank 14 drinks in a sitting. You might not have consequences *yet* but your liver simply won't put up with that long term.
The cravings were strong for me in the first month of sobriety. They are GONE now but I still think of booze regularly. I just don't physically crave it. I know if I take a drink I will.
Anyway, there is a solution out there. There are lots of programs that work. For me that's AA. If you do go, just know that everyone there was new once, many of us recently, and everyone in any meeting you walk into is there to get sober, stay sober, and help others recover.
There is a solution, hope you find it.
Ah, savouring every one and spacing them out pretty good that brings back some memories. I spaced them out most of the time too but the space started to become a lot shorter. If I could blame it on other people so much the better but God bless her, my wife didnt fight about my drinking so I had to convince myself that what I was doing was normal so that I didnt have to blame myself. It was not normal of course, because I had developed alcohol addiction.
Now I know a bit more about alcoholism and I can see some of the warning signs. I regret to say this but based on my own experience, what you have written sets off enough alarm bells to play a Christmas jingle. It looks to me like you need to take some drastic action if you are to avoid a lot of trouble ahead.
You can tell your parents like your boss suggested but I doubt if they will have the answers. By all means, tell your doctor but be warned that he may now be of much help to you either. That brings us to the third party that you mentioned AA. You are afraid to go to a meeting and you dont know if AA is right for you. I can certainly understand those feelings because I was there too. In fact, if there was any other way of doing it I would never have gone anywhere near AA. However, in the end all other possibilities had been tried and had failed and reluctantly I went to AA. That was one of the best things I ever did.
You see, I went to that first AA meeting without hope and full of fear about the future. A little over an hour later I left for home with a glimmer of hope. At that moment I had begun a journey towards freedom, not just from alcohol but freedom from fear, anger and a lot of other things that were destroying my life. The same journey is there for you with plenty of help along the way. You dont have to be a prisoner to alcohol but instead you can regain control of your life. Dont be mad at yourself because that will achieve nothing. Instead, take decisive action Go to an AA meeting.
I don't want to walk in to a meeting alone, I want my husband to come with me. He will do this, it's just a matter of him being home. Even if he is with me the first time, that would be so great. I know this is the step I need, and I do have to stop being mad and just take action. I won't know what AA could do for me unless I try. Yes, I live pay check to pay check and it sucks. I have to do this. I know everyone has been where I am, first time, thinking about going to a meeting, but I have to get over the fear and know that everyone is there to help one another. Whether I do tell friends or family down the road, this has to be my choice and I have taken all of your comments to heart and am ready for the next step, getting my life back.
AND........Not only did I go alone, but I went to another town!! I am nervous of attending my local meeting, and this one was recommended to me by a friend. I got myself in the car and drove 45 min to a meeting.
I sat in the back row, chair closest to the door. I looked around and saw many people from many different walks of life. I saw the smiles and heard their laughter through the echoes of the church basement. They had people go up and do their formal readings, and then there was a special speaker. He hit the nail on the head for me a few times. I found myself nodding while he spoke because I was relating to his story.
I was proud of myself and emailed a girlfriend of mine, who's strength I have admired for over 25 yrs. When I told her about how I spent my evening, she opened up to me, and told me she too was a member. 10 yrs sober!! I honestly had no idea. She is now my sponsor.
I have family and friends that will / can support me...but they all drink and though I love them deeply, I don't think they are what I need right now.
I hope you decide to go to a meeting...even if it is alone, or with your husband. AA is there for us to utilize, but you need to make the first step.
I can't believe how I feel today. Now I can live for tomorrow.