Alcoholism Support Group

Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.

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slowly dying

keepitsimple39
keepitsimple39
i feel as if i have told this stupid story so many times and yet here i am still all F---ED up. i have been a drinker since i was 17 years old and i am still going at 39, close to 40 now. that to me seems like a lot of years of slowly killing myself. the last 3 years though have been the worst of my personal life. i lost my kids mother to suicide, and if i was a drunk before, i am 10x worse now. i also after her death lost our kids because i cant handle death and i am a weak weak man. now being depressed from all of this crap has me even smoking more marijuana too. so i have a double addiction now so it costs me more money, i cant afford it yet i still waste my money on it. i sacrifice eating, gas for my truck, bills, etc because i need to get so messed up that i cant feel any emotions. i am sick of dealing with these emotions . i am at my wits end now, i dont want to live anymore. i never thought i would ever want to kill myself and yet i find myself calling the national suicide hotline just to what? stay alive? the only time i ever smile is when i am under the influence and when i am sober i am angry and dont have anything good to say about people. i isolate from the world because people are two faced, liars, thieves, shallow gold diggers, shall i continue? i have no motivation to change because even when i try i fail. i am a complete and utter failure to myself and society, so maybe death would end that? i have been through 2 rehabs in my life and look at me now. i refuse to go to one now because i cant sleep at night and no doctor in my city will prescribe me anything to help me sleep. so i prescribe myself a 12 pack of beer and a bag of weed. i have even told them that and they just dont give a shit. nice society we live in isnt it? honestly i dont even know why i post on these types of forums because i never take any advice, i guess i am doomed for death overall and will never be nothing more then a statistic. o yea please dont tell me i need god because i will just tell you to take a long walk off a short pier. its because of him that i am this way, he let my kids mother kill herself. WHERE ARE MY F***EN MIRACLES?
kate333
kate333
People here are trying to help you. I am sorry to hear what youve been through. Everyone has traumas throughout their life in one way or another. A part of living. So you say you want to continue with drink and drugs? Why are you here then? You want to stop. You know you have to. I myself have had daily concoctions of drink and drugs. Im sure many others have on here too. So listen to them. When I first came on here I had a similar response. But you know what, these people have helped me more than anyone else. I dont believe in God. I dont believe in a higher power. But I do believe in those who have experience, real life experience. So listen.
deleted_user
deleted_user
it's alright. I didn't expect ya to agree with that and do it just because I said it. Just keep it somewhere in the back of your mind for now
Community LeaderExJerseyGirl2
ExJerseyGirl2
I had to deal with three deaths of family members in a pretty short time frame -- the first two while drinking; I was sober for the last. I found that while I was drinking I could not work through my grief. I thought I was numbing it, but I was making it worse.

I hope you find some peace. I think the best path you can take to achieve peace and comfort is sobriety. It might not be easy. I can tell you it will be uncomfortable mentally -- really difficult at times, and not a cake walk physically, either. But it will be worth it.

It sounds like you can't see your way out of your despair right now. I hope you will take it on faith -- not in God, but in what others are saying who have been there as well, and give it a try.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I just want to say God helps people through people
paulokes
paulokes
Living every day in the tragedies of your past is utterly pointless. That may not sound sympathetic, but it's true - maybe the most meaningful lesson I ever learnt.

You will die in an ugly way if you continue what you're doing. It might take years. I knew that, but wasn't enough to stop me drinking. Active Alcoholism/ addiction is one of the most selfish, inconsiderate lifestyles imagineable. I glimpsed this but pushed it down - said I didn't give a f**k about anybody else and took a few drinks to forget for one more day.

There is another way - you don't have to feel like this. Hope you find some peace brother, you need it.

Paul
donttread
donttread
Of course they're not going to put you on a sleeping pill in a rehab. Allow your body time to adjust, eventually you'll sleep
deleted_user
deleted_user
I can relate, ive had insomnia since i was 12 and im 27 now. I suffered a traumatic brain injury when i was ten, and at 11 my siblings and i were placed in foster care due to my parents dinking and subsequent neglect of their children. After i graduated highschool, i met a man 6 years my senior; he was an abusive drunk, and i sustained roughly 8 concussions at his hands. I left him after four years, got pregnant with twins and gave them up for adoption. Why? ... My mother would sell our foodstamps for 50 cents on the dollar to buy booze. Because i had become an alcoholic during the time i was with the abusive guy (and remain one today) i knew that i had the propensity to put my kids through the kind of hell that innocent children of alcoholics surely face. So i did what was best for THEM. The adoption was hell, the aftermath was hell, and there are parts of me that remain in that hell. However, i blame no-one for what has transpired in my life. That is not to say that i have never played the blame game, i have I wasted so much time and energy doing that. It sucks to realise that we must all reap what we have sewn, but that realisation is what precipitates growth. As far as god is concerned, i have serious doubts about his existance...but i cannot rule it out. What is clear, however, is that if there is a god, god did not cause the havoc that my life has been rife with.