Before recovery this was all me, the one that shocked me the most was all the fear I had. One thing for I'm better today on this stuff before I entered recovery.

Whataboutme (selfishness) and Itsallaboutme (self-centeredness) that we think is the root of our trouble. I have a family. It is more important for me to drink and use drugs or gamble then to make sure my bills are paid and there is food on the table. What the hell I'm not hungry so no one else is either. I want what I want when I want it and I want it now and if you have it I am going to take it because what is mine is mine and what is yours is mine as well.

A hundred forms of fear. This is referring back to the above. I am AFRAID I won't get my way. I'm afraid I won't get what I want. I'm afraid I won't be the center of attention. I'm afraid I WILL be the center of attention. On and on the list can grow.

Self delusion. Creating a mind set based again on the above causing us to add more to our list. Words like lazy, envious, adultery, rage, gluttony, and on the list grows. We are creating a fortress (really a wall of crap, bricks made of shit) meant to hold others at bay but in reality we are only creating our own prison.

Self seeking. The increasingly feeble attempts to rationalize our behavior as means of reinforcing our mindset and behavior so we can justify the same when confronted.

Self pity. The culmination of the pattern of the addict. Reaching the point when we either know the world is against us and we hide out even more or we say I am sick and tired of being sick and tired... I want a life back. I want to know how to laugh again.

RR, Is it not funny how this thing works?

For your right now I would be selfish and just work on you.

Keep it up.

Being selfish in your recovery is not a bad thing. If anyone gripes gently let them know your trying to get your life back so you have more to share later. Your trying to get to that place where it's more about the "us" and less about the "me".

I must say I have been extremely selfish, self loathing, self centered, and had a huge fear of just about everything. I never understood where my fear of such little things came from.

Besides the obvious connection in the spelling of the two words.....
Is self loathing also considered being selfish?
There are some things I've done that I will never forgive myself for and for that I'm filled with self hatred.

There are some things I've done that I will never forgive myself for and for that I'm filled with self hatred.

I don't know of anyone that had not said the same until the got into a 12 step program, took action and those things you thought you never forgive yourself. took care of all that.

selfishness? i am very open and giving to strangers

i am selfish when it comes to those close to me......i never express my heart.

the reason escapes me....and curses me.

but i did make 3 people laugh today and 1 bless me with a strange look LOL

Sky, there are a few more self driven fears that can be added to the list. Self-prophecising, self-filtering. My old favourite, self-righteousness. I was continually on trial to prove that my opinions and actions were correct. Being wrong was unthinkable and I went to any length to demonstrate my rightness.

And as you mentioned, self-loathing. Pain at the forefront of my thoughts had me on the slippery slide into self loathing, believing I was not worthy to exist in this world. These feelings can stem from our lack of identity. The absence of personal growth. Our upbringing and those who influenced it. Lack of guidance, abandonments, traumas, and a neverending search to find the missing pieces in life.

All this saw me living my life on judgements and opinions of others, always wanting in life, but never taking any action about it. Way out? For me that was confronting my past pains, working through them through the 12 steps and counselling, and true friends I found on my journey along the way.

I read this somewhere and always thought it was a good balance to strive for.

Never put myself first at the expense of other people. Never put other people first at the expense of myself.

i can understand the self righteousness, self loathing and living through judgment. this may sound trite and raked aside to the curb. but i have found that walking with a stone in my shoe for 12 steps opened my eyes. it made me appreciate, accept and be humble to things greater then self.

I found that a lot of the "self" BS goes away with those 12 steps. How much? Ask me in another year. The more I live it the better it gets...