Call your sponsor or a buddy on your phone list, and if no one can be reached to take your mind off of your self to focus on others, get to a meeting fast (online or offline).

Hey girl! I just sent you a chat.

personally, i have no self-restraint. I am extremely impulsive in everything i do. not sure what you mean by no action is the right action. I believe there is a right action to take, we just have to follow it. thats my problem. i have always chosen the path of least resistance, usually boozin it up. I think self-restraint is based on determination. I would be much happier obsessing over that than getting my next bottle.

Would you change where you go to a meeting if someone in your homegroup had a lot of power over your emotions?

i start a conversation with myself, reminding myself of destruction, how crappy i feel - i tell myself that I am stronger than the desire - also, I made a covenant with God - many years ago - not the hugging the porcelin god covenant but a true honest convenant and I told him, IF I DRINK OR USE - take my life right then and there as I am not worry of his love - I am 100% aware of my disease of addiction and HE is my strength from not using and IF I use than I am not worthy and to take my life from me before i destroy all that is around me.

i am God's work of art and I am here to serve him and if I am sooooo damn selfish as to use and destroy as I KNOW I am diseased - then i don't deserve what he has to offer. I am him to serve him.

I get hard core on myself - but I am so stubborn and hardheaded that it won't work any other way for me -

Peace!

Breathing mindfully helps me. Say to yourself: Breathing in, breathing out. You can even say: Breathing in ease/calm or whatever word fits, breathing out tension/anger or whatever that fits. It usually anchors me in the present moment within 2 minutes. Sometimes I have to do this once an hour on some days but it does help.

Honey, you are giving them the power.

I have a little story (I might have already shared with you)...

I had a sponsor who wouldn't return my calls... Ever. I was losing my mind and she was out shopping with her other sponsees. I finally got my ex sponsor back and dumped her (or did she ditch me?!!). He helped me see that I was giving her the power over my emotions and that she knew nothing about it. Only I was hurting. Others here helped me see that too.

So, I starting going to the meetings she was in as well, and even my fav meeting which she and her hubby chaired. I started letting go of my hurt, and before I knew it, I was in those meetings, with her, and giving her a hugs and huge smiles when I walked through those doors...those doors that I could hardly get back through due to her neglect. I finally realized that some are sicker than others, and that indeed, those doors are there for me too! I was the one who shut them while I was on the outside, not her.

So you see, while I was driving myself sicker, she wasn't aware of a thing. So I finally got Willing! to let it go...knowing I wanted to be there for me and for others...and for her now too.

There is always a small part of you that is aware of what you are feeling or thinking. You can prctice getting in touch with that part of yourself by asking yourself occasionally, "what am I thinking or feeling right now". You will find that the more time you give to doing this the more aware you will become of these aspects of yourself.

Being aware of oneself at any given time gives oneself an advantage over others in that you do not have to lose yourself in your thoughts or feelings.

When you find yourself getting angry, out of control, about ready to lose your restraint, it is at those times when you turn to the self reflective practice of knowing your thoughts and feelings.

In those times, you can take the position of the one who is aware of your self. Instead of taking the position of being those thoughts and feeling, be the part of you that knows your thoughts and feelings.

With a little practice you can become aware of things taking place in you well before you have to react on them.

Just begin to know your thoughts and feelings. At first, you will continue to react. In these cases, know your reaction. Sense inside yourself how it felt to react. Eventually you will be able to sense the reaction before you react.

OH I didn't see your follow up. No one has power over you unless you deem it so. Take your power back. Everyone is their for the same reasons no matter who they are or where they came from. Becoming present with yourself automatically brings you into a place of calm strength. You shouldn't let anyone drive you out of anywhere. You have as much right to be their as they do. Unless they are being physically intimidating which is a whole other story, that needs to be discussed with someone in your group. If it's emotional intimidation use your voice loud and proud. That's what we have them for. To work them.

Do a an inventory on the problem. Don't let anyone have control over your emotions that's not a good place to be.People that go to meetings, you just never know where they are at or what is going on in there lives. Usually I just let it go unless it is really bothering me and then I just talk to that person, if that don't help then I talk with someone else about it and try to figure out why it's bothering me so much.I would change meetings only if I wasn't comfortable in that meeting, yes.I would focus more on the steps there is alot of sick people that go to meetings, heck alot of them aren't even dong any type of step work, they just go to meetings and some are court appointed, so you just never know. Once you remember that these people are sick and trying to get better it kinds of takes the power out of things and you take it for what it's worth.You are there for the purpose of getting sober and living a better life don't let anyone stand in the way of that, NEVER!Actually I would only change meetings if it was alot of people involved, I can't let one person take that much power over me, it's just not worth it.

.. also the longer you are sober the more you will be able to handle things, if you are in your first year I would just let it go and talk to your sponsor about it if possible or a close friend. Take care. Don't let sobriety be so hard. The steps are there to help you in all matters and they do.

another thougth it's alot like bootcamp it trains you to do live. that is what AA is like it trains you to be out in the public and doing a good job and not letting your emotions get the best of you, where I work I have to show restraint I have to act professional at all times, although I would like to throw someone through a wall at times, I don't have that luxury cause I am an alcoholic. I have to live a better life then those who are so called normies, be a better worker, I think it was the 12 x 12 that said to be a worker amonst workers. I hope something made sense to you.

Thank you. So when do you know if it's right to tell someone they are hurting you?

I found when I wrote out my inventory that the world and it's people dominated me. For quite awhile I thought I had "poor impulse control" as if it was an alcoholic trait when in fact, I was still running on self will. I am grateful today that back then I had a sponsor who would remind me when I would complain about my perceived treatment at the hand of others that I wasn't the center of anyone's universe. Since I had me on my mind 24/7, my delusional thinking told me that I was on everyone else's mind too.
What a relief to find out through Step 4 that the only one out to get me was me!

DHG
" Would you change where you go to a meeting if someone in your home group had a lot of power over your emotions? "

today i can say my emotions are not Dependant on my home group members or any human or outside source,my emotions are Dependant on steps 10-11 (basically ) in normal conditions unless i "lose it"