Can anyone relate.

Gadzooks, man, there goes my whole claim to fame. I wanna be special, even if I have to bleed to keep the audience in their seats:)

Yep, sure can. Every time I used to play groundhog and try to bury my poor self in the pity pot, nothing improved. So I had to stop doing that - today, even if nothing improves, at least I'm not sitting in a corner sucking my thumb...
Thanx,
Dennis

This was the main cause of my alcoholism. Feeling sorry for myself and drinking to dull the pain. It was so much easier to blame others and hide from life. The wimps way out as I like to think of myself

The first time I heard that it really pissed me off. Now I wonder about absolutely everything I say and do and wonder why I'm saying it and for what reason. Did I say that to get attention? Did I say that to turn the focus on me? Is it relevant to the conversation? When I do something kind for someone, why am I doing it? So that person will think I'm nice or am I really just doing it to be nice? It's fucking with my head. It gets to the point where I don't want to say anything. Then I think if I don't say anything, I'm acting selfish. Grrrrrr, it's infuriating. I don't know how to be anymore. If I ask for help, is that selfish in some way? If I talk about this fucked up problem I have, then I'm turning the attention towards myself.... so is that considered self involved? Is posting this response self involved because now everyone will read it and respond to me? Will someone please just shoot me! I want to get off this damn merry go round cause it ain't merry anymore!

Rant over.

I can totally relate.

And Sky I can relate to your frustration too. It is hard to examine motives and still get what you think you need.

The way I see it is that ultimately we all do have a need for attention especially when we are struggling. The problem is when the attention seeking and getting becomes an isolated cycle that feeds itself distracting both the giver and taker from the underlying problem. Self pity and pity seeking is negative in connotation but the underlying need is true. I try to separate my need for help from my need for love. There is nothing wrong with asking for help when you truly need it and there is nothing wrong with needing love, but pity is not a replacement for love, nor is it a healthy way to obtain it.

Using pity to obtain help and support is emotional manipulation. When in doubt be direct... "What I need is ____. " Boils down to knowing yourself and your motives.

Coming to understand this was a pivotal point in my recovery.

B- rant all the hell ya want, hope it made you feel better now ya got some of the shit off your chest. You just reaffirmed to me that we had a thinking problem way before are drinking.

I can relate. I sure lived like that oh poor poor me.why does shit always have to happen to me? It was a good EXCUSE to stay high.sure got attention.then I relized how pathetic I was. I still want attention but not sympathy.

Hey howto, I like the way you explained that. I think I'll cut and paste that one somewhere to remind me. Thanks

I suppose all this would be a lot easier to process if my head was clear.

Good post G. Thanks.

No problem. Maybe this post was made for you on this day for a reason.

Keep seeking.

This is SO important. I see it everywhere. For me, I was stuck in that cycle of self pity and it kept me drunk. When I realized how futile and self-defeating it was, I became able to ground myself in reality. In order to recover, it is critical that we evaluate our motives and construct a realistic view of our struggles. If we are consumed by self pity, that is where we will dwell instead of focusing on the solution. In my opinion, self pity is the biggest roadblock to recovery.

I'd go so far as to say that growth CANNOT occur in the presence of self-pity and blaming.