You sound very enmeshed with your husband. That's not a criticism; just an observation. I'd hop over to the codependency board. Try to keep HIS drinking apart from yours.

If you want to confess to those around you, do it. It's that simple.

And if they start blaming your husband, say, "No... that's not true... and that's not helping me own my piece and recover. I need to own this, so don't focus on HIM... just on ME, please."

Hugs.

I told my husband I was an alcoholic a few years before I quit. The conversation went nowhere and saying it did not get me closer to quitting.

When I did quit I did not go around telling people. I did not need the accountability -- on this one I am accountable to myself. I was too focused on making it through every minute sober to bring my family into the early journey. It would have made it harder for me because I would have had to deal with how they felt about it. While they want the best for me and I love them dearly, I don't think their support would have helped me much. (I was the one chugging vodka, they weren't pouring it down my throat.) I never felt like I was not being open and honest and I never lied. I just did not go around announcing my alcoholism or my decision to quit.

But that's me. You might be better off telling your family and friends.
You might want to consider talking to a counselor. It will help you talk through it freely and figure out how you feel about drinking and how to break the addiction and the habit.

Do what feels right on this.

Good advice from Deli on what to say if others bring your husband into the conversation.

Hello shanbanan,

I dont know the answer but in my opinion telling other people in the early days can go two ways. Personally, I told my wife after going to AA meetings for a couple of days as obviously she would find it strange that I disappeared from the house most evenings. I also knew by then that I had to commit to sobriety if I wanted to survive and it was important to tell her the truth. I did not think that there would be any point in telling other people at that time but much later I did tell family members.

The disadvantage that I can see in telling other people is that you may be putting added pressure on yourself. I find it more important to be accountable to yourself than to other people. In that way you can work quietly on doing whatever you decide to do in order to improve your chances of sobriety. However, if you feel that telling other people would help, my all means go for it.

This is how it is and was for me, I will not give you advice or tell you what to to do but by sharing my experience you may relate to some truth in your own.

I'm a chronic alcoholic so no confession to anyone who knew me was required. I was a fall down drunk who wasn't capable of living a normal life. I knew what I was but the important thing was fully admitting to myself.

When I did fully admit it to myself there was no clearing of conscience, admitting it did not lead to any sense of accountability to other people, the only accountability was - and still is - to myself and my God. The reason is I could not stay sober for any other reason. This is a mighty powerful illness and the mental aspect of it is more powerful than me. A sick mind cannot heal itself. It needs healing from a source other than faulty thinking processes.

To truly own internally what I am was incredibly hard and scary to realise the full impact of what it meant. Once I had, it was very easy to be open and up front in appropriate and necessary circumstances.

As for your husband, no-one is EVER responsible for someone else's abnormal drinking but try telling people who love you that. My family and friends were quick to point a finger at someone/something else which helped me not at all but they saw the truth of it in my recovery.

In recovery one would ever guess I am an alcoholic but I will readily admit I am one to those who have a NEED to know - medical professionals, other professional bodies and alcoholics who are suffering and want help.

Me Personally, I never LABELED myself like that. My family knew that I had issues with alcohol and was going through it. They knew I was seeing a therapist. My Partner knows too.
As far as 'friends' and co workers, there is no way that I would give those people the time of day to sit and gossip and talk shit about me.
"oh did you know what Blah Blah said to me? Blah Blah told me they don't drink because they are an alcoholic".
An your true friends will stick by you no matter what. You might not have to say anything, they will tell by your drink of choice (not drinking alcohol) and your behavior.
I suggest that the only reason to tell if you think that you would get really get a true benifit from letting them know.
I don't go to AA, but if I did, those are the ones I would tell.

I don't tell everybody I just admit it to myself and within rooms. I think it is of the utmost importance to admit it. I find it helps me to say I'm an alcoholic. It's the beginning of acceptance I admit it daily.
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Thank you all so much for your stories and shared experiences and feedback. Much appreciated and I'm realizing that everyone has there own story and own needs. It's really about being accountable to oneself.
Great advice Deli on what to say if people involve my husband.
I definitely may check out the codep board too.

Hugs to you. : )

I wanted to be careful about who I told because I had seen people lose jobs for having drinking problems. That is why support groups and treatment programs are so well protected with confidentiality. When I was in detox, I was even told that their computer systems were separate from the hospitals main computers and only a handful of people knew the password. There are strict laws in my state protecting that confidentiality as it was an issue for me as well.

My wife knew and I think over time there were a few other family members that were told but all in all, everyone who knew were very supportive.

I remember as a kid growing up, my dad who had a huge drinking problem, would often put a drink in my mothers hands. She had the option of drinking it or dumping it but always drank it, and she was the one who ended up dying of alcoholic liver sirosis. I was just a kid, and I was devastated! So much so, that her doctor gave me valium to help me through it all........and that was my introduction to using a drug to numb my feelings!

It was much later on ..30 years later approximately when I learned that the pain is what helps us grow emotionally but I was missing that support that I so desparately needed and substituted a chemical in place of that support, first narcotic pain meds and then alcohol when I could no longer get drugs.

and thats my story!

God Bless!

My sobriety is my own. There was no need for me to announce my disease. Thats my story do whats right for you.