You have to go to whatever lengths it takes to keep sober and really taking an hour or two out of every twenty four hours is not an unreasonable amount of time on yourself- especially when he considers how much time you spent on drinking and being drunk before. I wasnt married when i got sober but my teenage children tried what they could to keep me away from meetings. Now that i have been in program for a few years we have talked and they really didnt want an alcoholic mom so they tried to keep me away from the meetings. Its not a rational thing but it was quite real. Maybe let the whole dishes and helping with the kids thing slide for now if you can but put your foot down when it comes to demanding the support you need to attend the meetings- thats non negotiable

I agree with "strikingout"....I experienced long time ago, that when I first started the recovery process why my SO was behaing in the manner that he was. When I was drinking he had control, he knew what to expect and felt that he was always there to help me out. When I started recovery, he felt he longer had that "control", didn't know what to expect but the strongest feeling he had was toward AA...he felt that he had been there for me no matter what, now I was turning to someone/something else and that I did not need him anymore. Try talking to the hubby and see why he's acting and feeling the way he does.

what if you tried to go to the online mtg at londonppbbs.com or org not sure but they follow the BB and its on wed 8pm EST. I would also try to get to a f2f mtg if at all possible. We must put our recovery before all else. Good luck

Congratulations on being sober! As an alcoholic, I need all the support I can get. It sounds to me like you are trying to get 'well', and that can only benefit you, your children, and HIM. Can you ask him for support in your life-saving program?

Sounds like you need to get him in some type of therapy or he will sabotage you're sobriety, He should be more helpful and watch the children while you go to a meeting and also he should be attending alanon meetings. take care.

Hi,

It sounds to me like he needs a meeting more then you do!

You need to go to any lengths to stay sober. Staying home isn't an option for you. Just tell him your going to a meeting and you'll see him when you get back.

I can see the dynamics that snowflake put so well happening. I also go to Alanon and have learned I have to take care of me not the other alcoholic.

It is great you are trying to go to meetings and get your medicine. Anything you put ahead of your sobriety your going to lose along with your sobriety. Tell him the kids deserve a sober and sane Mother.

when you find the answer to that let me know I am in the same boat

How frustrating for you. It is hard enough to battle our own inner demons and urges but when those around us are not giving us the support we need, it's like all out world war. First, I will say I do not always practice what I'm about to say... however, I do know when I do it works a lot better. Maybe when you are at a calm place (and reading your entries you can get there from time to time) you can explain the importance of your meetings, and frame it as, "There are 7 days out of the week... which 2 can I count on you to not make plans and make a commitment to do your part with the girls." And if he tries to break the two days he commited to gentle remind him of his promise and you depend on him to keep his word. Now, I realize when your frustrated communicating with your partner in that manner is VERY difficult... must of us want to scream.... "WHATS WRONG WITH YOU YOU SELFISH BUTT HOLE." However, I know from expreience that never works, the other just gets defensive and the communication and your goal, "Getting to your meeting" is derailed. After this, if he can not give you two days out of seven to help you keep your life on track, than I think you have to ask him what that means about you being able to get your needs met in this relationship. I read an interesting article about the psychological development of men, in a book called "HE". Now I will preface this comment by stating (I'm not sterotyping all men and I'm sure not all men fall into this category). However, most of the ones I know do.... That men can easily "compartimentalize their life" when something changes, like a new baby, it is "added on" most of their lives stay the same (ie... work, liesure, family time), but most women will "resturcture" their lives to incoporate that change and "reprioritize things". Now looking at that "THEORY, not everyones TRUTH," but you made a big change and are trying to maintain your sobriety, and your life has changed probably a lot... he may expect his life to just keep on "as it was" and not realize he may need to "repriorize" to give you the help you need. Good luck, happy open communication vibes to you and your family!Blessings.

Sounds to me like your hubby needs to make more of an effort to help out with the kids, etc. so that you can get to your meetings or whatever else you need to do to maintain your sobriety... I hope everything works out..

4th & 5th step his ass. See what your part is.
After doing a good fourth step on him, you can make sense of things alot more.
Demand he goes to Al-Anon to see where you are coming from.
If you truly want happiness you might have to make some tough decisions. That is definetly between you and a marriage counselor.
Meanwhile, get your tubes tied.

omg, momma does my husband have a twin? I don't know if I can offer anything great as I am in the same boat-I know when I first got sober I found meetings that had daycare. Also, I met some alki women that I would meet at McDonalds playland for coffee and brought the kids. Try to get some numbers of other moms and see how it works for them. Just on a side note, try not to think about him right now, thats what I do as much as possible as I think my husband would rather have me drunk and miserable than sober and confident-it really freaks him out. I am not going to make any decisions right now though so I just try and keep him out of my mind when he is not around and deal with him like I would an insane teenager when he is home. Very challenging. Sobriety at all cost for me is blocking him out mentally and doing what I need to do. It ain't easy and sometimes I am a ball of tears feeling like a loser. But then I look at my kids and pick myself up again. YOu can to momma, I know it.

Thank you all, for your insight and wisdom (and humour?) All of you have given some great advice and i truly appreciate it. I'm happy to say that i went to a meeting this afternoon and i feel totally geared up to keep at it. It was a great meeting, and i am just so grateful for the program and all you people in it. I am amazed at the difference just one hour can make in my life... it's pretty awesome and i will find a way to get to a meeting more often. It is so worth it... ~hugz~

You have to put yourself and your sobriety first, ALWAYS! A healthy relationship is where you have your own life, he has his own life, then you're able to share a part of each of your lives. That sick kind of dependent relationship is not healthy. If he "needs" you, that's not healthy. Wanting you is O.K..My wife started with this shit when I got out of rehab. She'd say, "You have to go to another meeting?" I'd say, "would you rather have me dead or all messed up?" So I did 90 in 90. Now I go to 3 meetings a week and meet with my sponsor once a week. I let nothing get in the way of my routine unless it's something big, like a neices or nephews birthday with the family. Now my wife goes to her own meetings on those nights, works the steps, and our relationship is much better because we have our own programs. Our signifigant others are used to controlling us to some extent when we're messed up. Even though they don't like us like that, they're used to having that kind of power. Then we come home and say, "no" when they've been running stuff for a while. So they have to get used to us reclaiming some of our power back. It's not always comfortable, but for it to work out, both people have to change. If we don't change and evolve, we die. If he's not willing to change, then you could cut him out of your life. But it should be a unemotional, rational decision, free from resentment and scorn, and in your best interest.

Resentments are the number 1 killer for an alcoholic.

What Bill said,

And forgot to mention this. When I was new in sobriety a wonderful woman I looked up top gave me a sticky.

It said this on it:

"Taking care of yourself isn't self centered it is centering yourself".

She put her phone number below and I still have that sticky on my fridge as a reminder.

Good luck and let it begin with ((You)).