Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
Hello! It is I, the hot mess from Michigan.
I am having a full blown mid-life crisis i think. My brother died a few months ago, who was in liver failure from alcohol, and his life ending at 42 has shook me deeply. I feel like i owe it to him to never pick up another drink. He disappeared, leaving 2 special needs boys behind, and also the responsibility to help care for our father who had a stroke.
I fell into some online thing with a man that texts me. I can't handle constantly fighting with my husband. He is always mad at me. I walk in the room, i feel resentment. He thinks i should fix all his problems. We are in our late 40s and have nothing but debt. I gave it a go as a nurse, and found i couldn't take it. He tried as a trucker, and kept landing in the hospital with heart problems from the stress of it.
Meanwhile everything feels like it is falling apart. I received notice that unemployment wants to claw back money i could not have lived without, but will now owe and have my wages garnished for life. It sent me spiraling. We saved a little for a deposit on a house, but now I am divorcing and he took half and our bills exceed our income so it is floating away.
I just can't pick myself up. My dad returned from the hospital and every one is calling me constantly, and he calls me cause i am hiding in my room, and then the driveway is blocked and the nurse can't park. I want to crawl under a rock.
Then there is this man that only texts me and claims to be a person i don't even know who he actually is.. I have been with the same man for 24 years. It lit a fire under me that maybe I could still find love, that maybe i can be happy.
I have spiraled into this thing that isn't even real like I escape reality with any other addiction. This time all my emotions are wrapped up in it, and he's saying he wants to marry me but hasn't spoke to me ever? It is so stupid from the surface, and i can't bring myself to let it go bc it's all i have protecting my psyche in this darkness. I feel like i am utterly doomed, that i am about to lose my father, and watch my whole life blow up.
I guess this is the stuff i need to unpack. I was good at repressing things when i drank. Now it builds up like a wave of rage and despair. I realize i need to learn how to be alone and happy. I am falling into a mental trap that i need a man to make me happy. I mean, maybe I do. Is that so bad?
I can't even be in the room with my husband right now. I feel like i despise him. He wants to go to back to his country and visit his father's grave and take our younger son who claims may "never see you again". That is a pretty powerful threat to think he wants that, to never see me.
I can't deal with reality. I can't escape it, either. Maybe i can have a new reality?
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
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I was recently separated from my wife of 33 years and it's complicated. Anyway I rented a room about 15 minutes away and I see my kids about once a week. I see the people who own the house I live in once in a while but other than that I stay in my room where I do my cooking, wash dishes in the shower, read, color, and sleep. I get out at least once a day. I grocery shop and I attend 2 meetings...
~~~Peace~~~ `
I hate to try to take away that one thing that you are looking forward to right now, BUT - be careful of this "texting man". In my opinion, that's a huge red flag - you haven't spoken to or met this man. You never know what the end game is for someone like this, but he's probably preying on you in some way, shape or form.
So I started PT and had a few surgeries and was still a mess. Anxiety through the roof. It was my physical therapist who snapped me into reality. She told me that 95% of any recovery was going to be up to me. At first this was terrifying because I have managed to float through life without really maturing. The thought of taking full responsibility for myself was (and still is at times) alien.
But that window of opportunity opened and I saw that the first step was to quit drinking. And this gave me just enough self confidence to begin the road back to health. It's still a daily challenge to shed my old behaviors and start the day fresh. I spent my life as a hot mess so it just takes time to reset that pattern. And it can be scary.
However, I can promise you that hiding under a rock is scarier. It may feel safer to hide because that's what we learned but the anxiety is far worse than standing up and striving to be an adult.
I've been separated for over two years and will be divorced this year. My choice. We were going to flip a coin to see who serves who but decided that since I want to be single that I should be the one to file. Living alone has been exactly what I needed. And I know that spark that I will love again. Although it's different with my wife and I because we are family and really are learning to hear and support each other better than we ever did living together. There's no resentment or ill will. To which I'm very thankful.
Give yourself space to be alone. Block this guy from texting you because that's not going to help you heal. Feel your feelings. Depression and anxiety are helpful if you let it. If you can use them as tools to show you the way to emotional health. The one response is to shrink in fear and the other is to look at these feelings as necessary. They are built in alarm bells telling us that something is wrong. It has been the biggest part of my growing up to see this. Until we get real and face the real world these alarms will keep happening. So there needs to be a shift in perception from avoidance to acceptance.
You know what helps me? When I feel stuck I ask the question; What do I want, and the answer is always, I want to be free and alive. And to have that I need to be present and willing to work toward taking care of myself.
My advice? Let this mid life crisis in.... 'there's beauty in breakdown'. Feel the fear, and then see it for what it really is, inertia. Give yourself a fucking break too. You can't fix it all at once so just drop that load you think you have to carry and go one day at a time. That's all any of us can do. I mean I might be dead tomorrow, what good is wringing my hands over something in the future?
Be careful of your addictive mind, you have given up alcohol, and alot of us then find another addiction to replace the one we have lost - I know I did - now I realise when I am doing it, and stop, breathe, and change it.
It is an easy escape to be drawn towards this guy, with everything that is going on around you - you need to work on you, loving yourself and finding out what makes you truly happy.
I find doing volunteer work, helping others, fills me up inside, and helps me to not focus on myself & feel like a good human being !
I suggest to go to a support group of other ppl who have put it down, they can teach you coping skills that just didn’t get learned on the first go around.
The window of opportunity will open and then close, I’m sure glad I got out before the house fell on me.
You need to grow up and pull up your big girl pants and go get those things in life you want.
Start with small goals, I will
1) spend more time out of bed than in
2) decide that it was me who did this, and me that can pull out of this
3) find some other ppl and be a friend
My problem was that I would focus on the negative so my sponsor would always help me to see things differently. He taught me to see things through the eyes of other human beings who were in my life at the time and when I learned to forgive them as well as forgiving myself for being an active participant....it was at that moment, my life would get better....much better!
Here is somethng I think will help you:
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/forgiveness_b_2006882