Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
I've never really believed I had a problem with alcohol, or at least I would never admit it. Last night was the first time I got hammered in a long time. Since November '13 I pretty much stayed sober--3 months straight, but then in February I finally relapsed. Over the last two months I've drank, but always watched how much I drank. Last night was a different story. I had way too much to drink, I messaged a girl that I hadn't talked to in a couple of years because the last few times I did, I acted like a complete ass. She told me she doesn't hold it against me and was glad I contacted her. I ended drinking with a few people and for the life of me, cannot remember the last 4 hours of the night. I thought I had fought with someone and just generally felt humiliated. I talked to them this morning and assured me I didn't do anything bad, but I still have my doubts. I really want to give up drinking for good because I just feel ashamed of myself. I just want to curl up and disappear from existence. I was a heavy drinker for about 4 years and was finally headed in the right direction. I can't stand the thought that I will never escape this disease and I alienated so many people because of my alcohol abuse to the point where I don't have anybody to talk to. I'm at an end here, I don't want to fall again.
This sounds very much like my path. Be good for a while, then have one of those regrettable and totally blacked out nights where I felt ashamed, humiliated, and fearful for what I had said and done. Then, like you, I cooled it for a while, only to make that same mistake again.
I was never the guy who drank every day, or hid alcohol around the house. I didn't need to get up and have a drink just to settle down.
But alas, I am an alcoholic. As step 1 of AA says, I have come to terms with the fact that I am powerless over alcohol. I may be good 19 out of 19 times. But the 20th could be a doozy.
And for all those times I blamed that last drink, I finally realized that it was the first drink that did me in. I am 7 months sober now, and participate actively in AA.
Give it a try. You'd be surprised that you hear some stories you can relate to, even if you don't relate to all of them. While it may be intimidating, it will likely be the best decision you ever made.