Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
I am trying hard to understand the level of addiction that finally cost my husband his life. It is hard. I am blindly angry at him for the choices he made and am struggling with it.
I know he had a disease and I know it controlled him. But he had been sober and clean for 20 years. He knew what it would take to get there again and what he had to do.
He went to rehab and a month after getting out right back at the doc's office. I found out today that 5 days before he overdosed he got his scripts back from the doc.
They were his choices but how much gets blamed on the disease and how much on the person struggling with it after having been there before?
Not sure if this is making sense and just looking for feedback or other opinions as my thinking is not working right now.
I know he had a disease and I know it controlled him. But he had been sober and clean for 20 years. He knew what it would take to get there again and what he had to do.
He went to rehab and a month after getting out right back at the doc's office. I found out today that 5 days before he overdosed he got his scripts back from the doc.
They were his choices but how much gets blamed on the disease and how much on the person struggling with it after having been there before?
Not sure if this is making sense and just looking for feedback or other opinions as my thinking is not working right now.
I AM sorry for your loss.
BE WELL.
I've been sober long enough to see plenty of people come into the rooms not wanting to get sober, and eventually something sinking in. When I first came around there was a man coming to meetings constantly, intelectualizing the disease, he was an atheist and he was just very negative to be around. Many people resented him and thought he had no intentions of sobering up. Eventually he got it, and he died sober (cancer). He was still smart, he was still an atheist, but he was sober and at peace.
I also sometimes feel a little bit sad and resentful when I hear a newcomer sharing about wanting to get sober for their family, so they could be good parents. My mother always wanted the booze more than her children or grandchildren, and that really sucks. I prayed for a miracle many times, I believe God was willing to do his part, but she was never willing to do her part. Strangely, when I'm not angry at her I really feel sorry for her. There was some demon in her that she never felt strong enough to fight, that made for a lonely existance.
I don't know if I've helped or not, but I do understand.
KT - I identify with everything you are saying. Being resentful of the choices that an addict makes is a hard one. My husband was a lot like your mother, there were demons in him that were stronger than anything else in his life.
Kerri - when he was in our life and actively using we had very limited to almost no contact. It was necessary and the kids got used to it. His addiction was so powerful it was rare for him to be sober enough to not be emotionally abusive in some way.
It is hard now that he has passed as death puts a different color on everything.
I guess it is important to not lose sight of the power of addiction and the reality of the chaos that is causes.
This thread is making me think and it brings me to a question: would I have done it differently if I had a chance to do it over? The answer is no, I wouldn't have if he hadn't made different choices about his addiction.
Detachment with as much love as possible was the only way to survive the chaos.
That heavy change back to drinking usually shocks the system so bad that they die. It is almost common for old timers to die when they drink and use again.
You will never be able to make sense of this. Just try to make some peace for yourself.