I never relapsed on feelings - I found I relapsed because of my illness - alcoholism. AA got me out of the hole and taught me how to deal with life on life's terms.

Good that you are sharing your relapse. So what will you do to make sure that "feelings" don't overwhelm you? I've never found it possible to curtail my feelings, but I've learned they arent facts, and I can observe them vs. act on them.
We can't "learn" our way out of alcoholism. I've found a program of action is what works. I have to act my way into right thinking.
AA works for me.

I needed emotional sobriety as well as physical sobriety. It's not just about putting the drink down, I found.

We all have feelings that overwhelm us - for example bereavement, job loss, trouble in relationships, but none of those things "make" me drink. All my emotions do is create excuses for myself to drink. What some describe as triggers.

None of those emotions make normal drinkers fly to the bottle - of course some may choose to drown their sorrows for a while but then they can choose when to stop. Alcoholics can't do that. It could kill them.

But like so many, I did not realise that for the longest time. I did not realise how much this illness affects my mind, that it stunted my growth emotionally because drinking was my answer to everything.

I learned all this in AA and today I can feel things and understand how best to deal with what happens without the need or want to seek an answer in alcohol. I have something far more powerful than booze today.

I hope you find that too! It's good you have come forward and reached out for help. I hope you find a way through the replies to see what you can do to move forward. A few pointers perhaps.

It's not your feelings that had you pick up that drink, it was your reaction to those feelings that did. It was your alcoholism whispering sweet nothings in your ear, giving you the encouragement and tools to pick up. If I am having road rage, I will sometimes feel like ramming the guy in front of me. It's a thought, parceled with anger and fear, but it's a thought / feeling. I don't act on it. I have a filter of some kind that tells me that that is the wrong thing to do. I didn't have such a thing when my mind told me I should pick up a drink even if I knew it would lead me to dark places. Going to AA, connecting to a Higher Power, has relieved me of the obsession to drink. So even when I was struggling out the gate, I had something that helped me not pick up.

AA also gave me the tools to learn how to deal with things like anger, or an overwhelming feelings.

I was sober for 10 yrs. I quit cold turkey. During those 10 yrs I discovered who were my real friends. I realized that most of my so called "friends" were just hanging around because I was the life of the party. But when I finally made the decision to stop drinking, the "friends" slowly disappeared. Leaving me pretty much alone. I still have my family which I wouldn't trade fro the world. They are the real reason that I quit. They are my driving force to continue with sobriety. But sometimes its nice to have others to talk to and to do things with who aren't your children or your parents. I once confronted some of my "friends" and asked them why they don't ever stop by and the response was that people who drink don't want to be around people who don't! That's when I realized that don't have any friends anymore. Friends that I once had before I became a drinker and that I drifted away from have moved on and don't really want or need to rekindle the friendship we once had. So when I started a new job and had the opportunity to make new friends, I decided that I could start drinking again and be responsible and control myself. I could have never been so wrong!! It took my family being scared with my behavior, since my oldest was only 4 when I first quit and doesn't really remember my behavior, to make me finally realize that I am an alcoholic and that I can not control myself. So I have regained control and gotten back on the wagon, only to find out that I am still without any friends. Please don't take my statements the wrong way. I am not suicidal, I love my family and self way too much for that. But this is just how I feel. I actually have never told this to anyone before, not even my wife. I am not a real open person when it comes to my feelings.

The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, when practiced by following the precise clear-cut directions in the Big Book, will assure your sobriety and solve your problems. Meetings won't do it for chronic alcoholics