I can relate as I know the feeling. I hope you can find the light I too remember the nights of losing count. You are not alone

I don't understand why people are afraid to go to AA...and see people...if they are there..they are in the same boat.

My reason is laziness...and depression...but I would go..if other than that...you have to get sober...and it can help you.

I understand where you are..drinking sux...give it 5 days of not drinking and your whole mindset wlll change...I promise..

You are definitely not alone...I'm there...

The only way I got control was with the help of my doctor. She gave me something to get me through the first few days of withdrawal. aside from that, you have to be ready to quit.
Myself I'm recovering from a recent relapse that required a hospital stay. Don't let it get that far !
As for AA I feel the same way, but this sight has done a great deal for my well being during this tough time, You can type what you're feeling without feeling judged. You can do this !

AA is not a requirement for quitting or staying sober. About 10% of alcoholics quit on their own every year. I know it is possible, I am one of them.

You might want to check out the book "the Easy Way to Stop Drinking" by Allen Carr. It works for a lot of people. Or you can go to a counselor or an IOP program. That can be helpful as well. Or you can put aside the excuses and go to AA anyway. Or you can wake up tomorrow and make a commitment to not drink and stick to it

It sounds like you are aware of how out of control your drinking is. Are you ready to make a commitment to stop?

Hello eshaw,

When drinking gets out of control it becomes a life or death issue and the problem often requires drastic measures if there is to be a happy outcome.

Some people can quit on their own but based on the experience of many it seems that most alcoholics cannot do that. I am one of those who tried hard on my own and with the help of many online resources and failed. In a couple of days I will visit the dentist and it is something that I would like to postpone but I know it has to be done. Similarly I did not want to go to AA, partly because I did not believe in AA and partly for the same reason you have mentioned the fear of running into people I knew and worked with. When the pain got bad enough and I realized that I was headed for a very bad place unless I took action, I swallowed my pride and went to an AA meeting.

There is no shame in being an alcoholic and when you go to an AA meeting you will be among people who understand. You may meet some people there who know you but they will be there for the same reason as you. I have had that experience and I can honestly tell you that meeting those people has not been a problem at all. By the way, the people from work that I had imagined would be there were not there at all.

You have created a mess with all of the lies and the longer it goes on the deeper the hole gets that you are digging for yourself. Sometimes we think that other people dont know much about our drinking but you would be amazed by how much they do know. I am often surprised by the reputation I have for drinking and ask myself why people think that about me. Obviously, although I didnt think I did much to deserve such a reputation the reality is that I did and that is what people remember even though I have not had a drink for almost seven years. Therefore, I have to ask which would be worst, being known as a hopeless drunk or as someone who goes to AA meetings.

You are not sure what to do and you will try quitting again. Hopefully that will work out for you and with the help of this forum, reading books etc. you may stay sober. However, if you find that those things dont work do not be afraid to try something else. If you are to reclaim your life and your freedom from alcohol you would be wise to keep an open mind and rule nothing out, including AA.

I feel for you.... it's lonely, I understand like most of us do. This is the only place I feel comfortable talking. If it helps you to stay sober just get on here and post everything your feeling.. one of the group if not more will be there giving you there time. Post the positive with the negative, write about your troubles/accomplishments,, that is what this is for. I hope you start to feel better...

Thank you for your support and ideas. I cut way back last night and tonight and I will do my best to not buy more alcohol. I can't afford it and I really want to stop this downward spiral. Thanks again for your responses. I'll keep you updated.

Hi eshaw, cutting way back is a good start. Also if you don't have it, you can't drink it.

Another resource you might want to check out the SMART Recovery website:

http://www.smartrecovery.org/intro/

It's a pretty good group you can be involved with online that includes tools that can help you get started and stay on track:

http://www.smartrecovery.org/resources/toolchest.htm

Let us know how you're doing.

I can relate to all of that, including the shame associated with being a drunk. That said, you need help. I needed help. AA was that help for me and I havent had a drink since my first meeting.
Everyone there is there for the same reason. There is ZERO shame in that, and there is a principal of annonymity that I've found everyone adheres too. Remember you are getting black out drunk. You are worrying you will "kill yourself." Drinking will kill you. Facing a self centered fear will not.

eshaw - I fear the same thing about going to meetings. I don't like to mix my work life and personal life too much and have the same fear you do. I haven't gone to a meeting yet, but an idea would be to go to one that is in a different area than you work (I know it'd be more time and gas money to commute farther, but might be worth it.)

Also someone at some point said they have meetings online at a few different sites. Again, I haven't personally tried it so I dunno what sites are good for that.................anyone do any online AA meetings and have good site suggestions?

Hi eshaw,

I didn't see a post yet about how last night went. Hope it went well for you. Just remember - EVERYONE here has a story that they would rather someone else didn't know.

A step in the right direction is to stop buying alcohol.

Just keep quitting. Every time you do, you gain experience. Don't give up.

yea...it is diema,but i believe that it is no body business ..you dont have to share that you alcoholic.....find aa out of you area:-)'''good lucc

You sound just like me. Isn't it awful. I drank until I passed out last night. I went down stairs this morning and all the lights were on, the house was a mess, God knows what I had been doing, I can't remember a thing.

Take 1 hour at a time, fill your day with things to do. Good luck!

I read these posts and continue to educate myself. While I had my share of blackouts, I cannot recall ever having this type of reaction (Nausea, shakes, sweats, etc). Maybe because I was a beer drinker w/occasional glass of wine with dinner (IDK). I tried to quit on my own with some success (11 months once) but AA is the only thing that works for me. I have to go to at least 3 meetings every week. I am actually on a 4 day meeting mini marathon. Where I live there are so many to choose from its truly amazing. I know I sound like an AA bigot and to some extent I guess I am. It's the people I meet at every meeting that has me addicted to the program, I especially like meeting new people as everyone can add insight from their own experience. I have a good friend that quit drinking on his own but he has anger issues that persist. I know that if I could get him to some meetings it would help him, but he too is afraid he'll see someone, which I think is just plain ridiculous. The word Anonymous is taken very seriously in this fellowship.

With all of this being said I'll add that I have met the best people (friends) in AA. We truly care for each other.

Peace to you, we are all pulling for you.
Confused

I justified, rationalized, minimized, so many thoughts ran through my head tonight. I bought 2 -25 oz. beers and believed at least that was improvement. Then came home to relax away the anxieties from the day. I must learn to cope with life without alcohol, eating disorders or drugs. I get a grip on one then the other roars its ugly head. Not sure what's wrong with me. Not a way to live. I'll try again tomorrow.