Congrats on 44 days!

Your post reminded me of this poem. It doesn't specifically address rage, but does talk about how we can be afraid to let life be great and why we might sabotage ourselves.

Our Deepest Fear
by Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some; it is in everyone.

And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give
other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

44 days - that's fantastic!!! WHOOP WHOOP for you!!!

When I first started on my journey and would ask others (on my phone list) how they handled certain issues that threatened to sabotage me, they always said, 'pray over it'...that really pissed me off! Once I finally figured out that I wasn't going to get a better answer, I tried it...and amazingly enough, it actually worked. I SO wanted to prove them wrong, too. I find myself stopping to pray in many situations now and it does seem to calm me down inside. I don't know if it's the actual prayer, or the stopping to shift my mind, but I continue to do it.

The other thing I've heard often is to 'start your day over again'. When things are going awry, step outside (or somehow away from where you are) and say the Serenity prayer. Tell yourself that you're starting fresh like you just got out of bed before heading back to wherever you started. I also use this quite effectively, even though it sounds weird.

Good luck to you - you're doing so well!!! I am incredibly proud of you!

When I sobered up, I felt everything more acutely....fear, anger, anxiety.

It took me a while to begin feeling positive emotions that stuck around longer than a few minutes.

I didn't want to be angry but it would show up in the blink of an eye. Not until I started my journey in recovery with AA did they start to calm down. I made a meeting every day, sometimes twice a day. I needed the positive energy I got from the rooms to carry me through those dark moments.

I have drank AT people lots. I have also stayed sober out of spite for years. I will show them.
My last debacle I drank at my wife. Pride came before my fall. I fell extremely hard.
Something happens after a while and you just get sick of fighting, you give up, you surrender.

You're exactly where you should be Olive my dear.....and it used to piss me off to no end when people used to tell me that! lol! :)

I was angry for a long time and didn't think it would ever end, but one day, it did. The "psycho" periods become fewer and far between and don't last as long. It's a gradual thing. You'll get there as long as you keep fightin the good fight darlin. :)

Congrats on 44 days woohoooo!!!!!! Yippeeee skippeeeeee!! :)

Yes, I did it my whole life. I was angry as a kid and grew up angry so drinking was my outlet till it caused more problems than helped. I just did it again last week everything piled up on me and I caved in. I also know if I stayed close to my meetings and my group friends I would have had some one to talk to about my feelings. Anger won this time,I lost. congrats on 44 days. I am back to day 6
PEACE,MARK

I can so so SO relate. I am regularly battling that little and sometimes very loud voice that says "come on its not that bad. and it feels so GOOD." I'm not sure how long that voice will last, but I'm only on day 8 and so far, its there daily, usually mostly around times (after work) where I would normally have had a drink, or 7.
Congrats on 44 days. That's wonderful.

44 days is a fantastic effort HTL. And like Holycrap, I had rage in early sobriety too. My sponsor always advised me to acknowledge them, look at what could be causing that rage, what I could do about it, talk about it with someone, and tell it to piss off quickly. Don't dwell on rage. Look for alternatives and positive influences. They pretty much went away at the end of the step journey. Still got mad now and then, but nothing like I did in the first 2 months.

Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.

Yoda

That seemed to be the story of my life. Never seemed able to allow myself to succeed in anything that was good at all. Always felt that I was no good at all, so why even bother. Ran in circles for so many years in recovery, but could never allow myself to hang onto it. I think it is anger inside us that causes it. For myself it deffinetly seemed a way of punishing myself.

When you begin to love yourself, you won't want to destroy yourself.

Peace!

congrats on the string of days..............

this is going to sound really weird........drink has never been my weapon of choice..................it is not my self destruction.............it never comes and goes.................it is always in my face.

i have no clue......but all my episodes have been funneled to seeing the good in people.............sort of an enlightenment. have i lived the evil? yes. i still do.................however............evil does have a sense of humor..................that is it;s weakness. ;)

everything has to smile at some point.

Thanks all. I went to IOP despite the fact I was considering dropping out all together. And apparently I don't wear my "I'm just fine" face as well as I think I do. Group lead zeroed in on me inside of the first 15 mins, so I shared pretty much exactly what I shared here. Turns out some others could relate. I guess need answers as much as just wanting to know I wasn't totally crazy in thinking this way. I feel better.

On to 45 days....

xo

yay, I'm so proud of you on 44 days. You are so inspiring to me. Thanks for sharing your journey. I am right there with you and the rage. It's hard to contain sometimes. love ya, girl. Keep it up xx

Congrats on the month and a half. Early on I thought about it. Not today, my life is too damn good to waste on a drunk...