You describe my story and I once shared that fear about a life without alcohol.

Life is better than ever.

If you want it, there are solutions. I didn't drink all the time, but I obsessed. I couldn't control my drinking every time b

I didn't get the end of your post. Really need some help

I was told to be careful of being hungry, angry, lonely or tired, but honestly my trigger is boredom and that kind of sounds like it could be yours too! I work full time but my work is now not challenging, my kids have left home and I foundI had too much time on my hands so I filled that space with drinking. Is there something other than drinking that you just love to do?? Doesn't have to be climbing mountains or skydiving but something that fills your time and feeds your soul? For me it is kids, dogs, and hiking. When I can fill my time with those, I do not drink. So...my advice, for what it's worth, is do some thinking about that, attend meetings when you can and keep checking in here. 10-20 drinks a day, no matter how often you do it, is deadly.

I can relate. Its amazing now with some sobriety to realize that I couldnt imagine life could be "fun" without booze, yet I was trapped in the cycle of boozing, blacking out, feeling sick. I was -- like you've described, sick and tired of being sick and tired but didnt know how to stop or get out. For me, AA had the answers. I needed a sponsor, the program, and all the work to get and stay sober. I drank no matter what --- good days, bad days, in between days. if youve tried meetings, now try the program. the program isnt in the meetings, its in the book.
good luck and I hope you fine health, happiness and sobriety.

I also lost my best friend to alcoholism. Watched her die for a week. You would think that would make me stop but no.
I know I need to go to meetings probably, just so hesitant...
Went to al anon for years for my father and old boyfriend.
I know what to do just can't seem to do it...

I know I probably need meetings. Pray that I go...

I definitely do it out of boredom but also have anxiety about doing things without alcohol

I definitely can relate to the anxiety issue! That's why I get uncomfortable when I'm bored! I have also found that if I don't drink, the anxiety is less. Crazy that something that "relaxes" you causes anxiety but honestly that is my experience. Less alcohol, less anxiety. What do you love to do? And what's stopping you from doing it? Be practical, we would all love to just be laying on a beach all day, but...

I lived in an alcoholic house growing up, so I never really had any goals aside from leaving home. That was it.
So now I wander around wondering what to do. I also have arthritis that causes some immobility issues...
I wish that my goal could just to work out and be healthy. But that is hindered as well.
I think if I were to find a meeting that worked I might find a way to live without alcohol.
Not really sure. It's been so long...

I really appreciate all your responses and love to have a place to go that there is understanding. Love and prayers to you all ❤️

Sobriety is not going to knock on your door. You need to get out and make things happen. I remember thinking the fun would be over but the truth is my daily drinking had stopped being fun a long time ago. Now my life is back. I go to see others every day and look forward to waking up.
its a very happy life today that I am not chained to a bottle
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Hello Bagwmn1,

First of all, you are very welcome to the forum. I can really identify with what you have posted because that is more or less where I was several years ago. Within a short time, I went from drinking 2-3 days per week like you to drinking all day, every day. Very strange things started to happen health-wise until it got to the point where I desperately wanted to stop drinking and at the same time, I could not imagine a life without alcohol. I didn’t want to have anything to do with Alcoholics Anonymous but when it got bad enough I went to a meeting and from that night up until tonight, I have not had another drink.

The thing is, I was wrong about a lot of things but alcoholism screws up your thinking and I could not see that at the time. I called myself a functioning alcoholic for a while but then I heard a guy pose the question: “Functioning, compared to what”. Today, there are not enough hours in the day to do all of the things I want to do. When I was drinking, I withdrew from everything and was existing rather than living.

I would strongly suggest going to meetings. If you do not want to go on your own, call up the AA General Service Office for your area and ask if they would get a member to meet up with you and bring you to the meeting.

You are dealing with an extremely serious condition as you have seen from the death of your friend. Very often, alcoholics give everything that they have to try and stop drinking but they find that they just cannot do it. Yet, those same hopeless individuals can stop quite easily with a bit of help.

Have a listen to these guys: (You may have to copy and paste the link to your search engine).

https://youtu.be/phHXCn25MmY

Thank you so much

Since I started saying a short prayer in the morning, reading the literature AA has to offer, going to meetings regularly, talking to a sponsor and other recovered alcoholics, and living a life of unselfishness, going out of my way to help anyone who I know is struggling, life has become the complete opposite of boring.

If you would have told me doing things that seem mundane like praying, reading literature from AA, talking to a sponsor, going to meetings, and deciding to not be a big shot or superstar, would make my life more fulfilling and enjoyable than not, I would have told you that is crazy and not possible.

I could not stop either, I would have a refrigerator full of beer, go to the it, get a beer out, sit on the couch, drink a few drinks, throw it at the tv, saying to myself I didn't want anymore, then get right up and go grab another one, repeating that insane process over and over again.

Here is what I know, real alcoholics suffer from two things. The first thing is a craving, after taking a drink, that overrides anything important in life, including dealing with the fact that we have the craving in the first place. After craving, we then get an obsession that feeds us a delusion that we are not craving, when in fact we are craving, so it is a wicked process of drink, then be convinced by our egos and minds that we can stop, when the reality is the convincing is part of the two fold illness to get us to drink ourselves to death.

Alcoholism, real alcoholism, is a serious disease that effects everyone and everything the unrecovered alcoholic experiences. The great news is millions of people have recovered from the disease, treatment is free and simple, and good job for asking for help.

The steps are in the book, and I encourage you to join up with a recovered alcoholic who can support and tutor you towards a working understanding of how to apply them in life, after ceasing drinking, so you can experience a new life, where life is not a dull, boring, and burdensome experience. I also would encourage you to find avenues where you can share or tap into the fellowship of alcoholics anonymous. One tool I use is youtube, and the videos, plethora of videos from experienced and sound members sharing what they have learned giving back.

Please message me at any time if you want to talk further, or need to know what to do to recover.

Thank you all so much. I have gotten half way through the link that pj57 posted. Sounds pretty familiar.
I hope I can do this. Thank you all again. It's good to know there is somewhere to go...