Forward, welcome.

I am a parent of three also, and my ex-wife has always threatened the alcohol card in court.

Regarding your alcoholism, the first thing I'd suggest is to do is go to an AA meeting. It's free, anonymous, and nobody will be reporting you for your kids.

I don't think you can have your kids taken away for going to therapy, so if you can afford it, or have good health insurance, a therapist will work with you.

There's probably no doubt that you would lose your kids if you continue drinking, so the fact that you are here is a great first step.

Welcome!

I hope you won't let fear stop you seeking help, your children need a sober Mum, especially if you are the only adult and caregiver in their lives.

I would think that children are generally much less in danger of being "taken away" if the parent is seriously taking action in recovery as opposed to putting them at further risk by battling alone in fear and still drinking.

Alcoholism is progressive as you probably know, getting worse over time unless there is some kind of reprieve.

I got a lot of help in Alcoholics Anonymous - no-one need ever know your full name and records are not kept. It costs nothing and if your children are small some meetings have crche facilities so you can take them with you if need be. You will doubtless make new friends as you gain support and help.

You can call the AA helpline and should be able to request an initial home visit (or coffee shop meet up) from a couple of AA members who will give you an outline of how they got well, answer your concerns and offer to take you or meet you outside a local meeting.

A visit to your doctor would be a good idea for a health check. Many people find it hard to be upfront about alcohol problems or addiction with the medical profession, but they often cannot treat you adequately if they don't know the basic facts about your current dilemma.

I'm not sure what other programmes do to help single parents but SMART might, does anyone on this forum know? Any other programme?

Anyway, you took a brave first action reaching out here and I hope you receive lots of helpful replies!

Hello ForwardMarch,

First of all, you are very welcome to the forum and I hope that you will find something of value here.

Like you, I tried to quit on my own but just could not do it. I then thought about getting professional help because I wanted to keep it all private and hidden from most other people. However, I found that where I live it was pretty difficult to get the help that I wanted without going through the official channels such as talking to the local doctor so I did not go down that route. In the end, when I was sick enough of drinking I went to a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous and have not had a drink since then.

Maybe AA could be helpful to you too. It costs nothing to attend meetings, it is completely anonymous and you would meet people there who understand what you are going through. As the fog clears and you begin to see things more clearly and with the benefit of listening to people who have dealt with similar issues you will be in a better position to find that professional help if it is still required. Sometimes the type of help that people want is not what they end up getting but it can still lead you to where you want to be.

Someone I know was in a similar position to you and had the same fears about children being taken away. However, it was pointed out that the very last thing that the social services people want to do is to take children away from their parents. She has overcome her fear and is now in contact with people who can give her the help that she needs. There are probably some help lines in your area that you can call anonymously and talk to people about your concerns so why not give them a call?

Whatever you decide to do I would suggest that you keep posting here as it is always better to get the viewpoints of different people before you do anything.

Welcome. I'm also a mom to three young children. They were younger when I got sober (2, 6, 6) and thank GOD I did. I drove with them in the car buzzed if not hammered. I walked around drunk holding my then infant son. It was a shit show pardon the expression and I was a danger to myself and my children. If we'd had a fire, past 9 p.m. any given night I'd have likely been passed out. If they had a fever, same thing. So don't let self centered fear...and that's our alcoholic fear...keep you from a solution. there IS a solution. For me it was and is AA. I've gotten some professional help to augment my recovery in all areas of my life but AA showed me how to be a sober mom. A day at a time.

Oh, thank you all so much! I'm sitting here crying, you've all been so wonderful!

I do understand it's better for myself and my kids to get better, hence the reason I'm here. I'm determined to make the changes I need to make. I don't want this kind of life any more, and I'm sure my kids don't either.

I looked into AA meetings in my area, and discovered two in my town. Can anyone explain to me what the abbreviations stand for? Like O D and BB. I think the BB stands for big book, but I'm unsure of the other two.

Thank you again for the warm welcomes and advice. It certainly helps to not feel so alone.

Hi again! D = Discussion (Topic) meeting.

O = Open - anyone can attend these, alcoholic or not.

BB = Big Book

Those abbreviations were a source of confusion to me at one time but since I didnt know any better I went to all sorts of meetings. That turned out to be a big plus because I met a lot of people and learned more than I would by going to just one.

If you do end up going to AA meetings, you will probably find that you like some more than others but if you keep an open mind you will get something from them all. If you feel nervous about going, make a call to AA in your area and they may get someone to meet with you before or at the meeting. There may also be womens meetings in nearby towns and you may feel more at ease at one of those. There are many possibilities and great rewards ahead but every great journey begins with one small step. Good luck on your journey you are not alone.

Welcome Forwardmarch! The first step is the hardest. Try not to think to far in advance. What you are doing is the right thing. It can be accomplished with out losing your kids so put that out of your mind.

Thank you for clearing up the abbreviation confusion!

I will definitely be trying out the AA meetings. I know of an acquaintance who I believe goes to one of the meetings here in town, so I'll be getting in contact with her. It'd surely help to not feel alone going my first time.

I want my kids to be safe, and in order for that to happen, I have to be sober. So that's how I'll look at it from now on.

My next step will be making that doctor appointment that was mentioned. I know I've caused a lot of damage to my body, and ignored many things I shouldn't have. One step at a time. I can do this!

GOOD for you! Those abbreviations....I never paid attention to them. Funny story....I went to a meeting in Hawaii on vacation wtih my family. About 10 ms into the meeting I realized it was a closed meeting, for gay and transgendered alcoholics. Needless to say I'm neither but it turned out to be one of the most wonderful helpful meetings I've ever been to. I went back the next night. My problems paled in comparison to something a young guy said in that meeting. I still think about it.

Welcome to the group!! I am glad you found it and are asking for help! That's a big step in the right direction! I agree that in AA you will find social support, but given your issue with depression and the stress of being a single mom, you may want to seek professional help as well. I live in a neighboring state and can tell you here, it's all about preserving the family, not taking the children away, especially when you are responsible and caring so much that you are seeking help and wanting to be a better, healthier parent!! Good for you! Your kids obviously have a loving mom :-)!!

@stickywick - That is a great story! I would imagine a lot could be learned from that group!

@lostnurse - I do love my children! And I do plan on getting some professional help, maybe not for the alcoholism - we'll see how AA goes, but definitely for my depression. It's plagued me since I was in my late teens so I know it's needed.

I have been fearful of seeking help in the past too, because I am a medical professional, and I couldn't bring myself to let my peers know I had a problem. I just found a doctor who wasn't local, and spilled the beans. It was a relief to answer how many drinks I was REALLY having to my Dr. I understand you fear, but the reality of what may come about if you DON'T stop drinking is far more frightening. You are taking courageous steps.

Hey there,

I can't relate to you regarding the children but I do know how hard it is to not drink when its become a part of you for years now and especially trying to quit when you re full of worries and problems in life. I can totally relate. It is dam hard ! Usually it hits me at the end of the day because i just want to " relax " after all the stress and worrying

I have decided not to drink for the next 3 months and see how I cope. It has been 5 days now and so far so good. Seek the advice people suggest to you here and above all realize you are not alone
despite writing words like these facing a computer screen .

All the best.

Evenings are most definitely the hardest time of day for me. I always had a bit of buzz by the time dinner was ready. It's a big comfort to be able to come here, even if it's just to read a few posts.