Hello Charlotte123,

The first thing that I would suggest is to try and determine exactly what you are dealing with as you will then have a better chance of applying a successful solution. In order to do that, it would be helpful to educate yourself about alcoholism. I will post a link below that I have often posted here before as I think it gives valuable information about the alcoholic problem.

Alcoholism does not develop overnight but is instead a gradual process. Some people will be at the stage where they are obviously alcoholics, some will be in the early stages of alcoholism, and still others will be drinking in a manner that makes them potential alcoholics. It looks to me as if you are at the very least in the ‘potential alcoholic’ category but probably a bit further along the road than that. You are the best person to assess your own situation, but you need sound information in order to do that.

One important component of alcoholism is that it is progressive in nature. Therefore, based on your relationship with alcohol, it is likely that the problem will get gradually worse with the passing of time, unless you do something about it. Worth nothing also is that potential female alcoholics progress to the real thing much faster than their male counterparts, due to physical characteristics etc.

You do not have to binge drink in order to be an alcoholic and many alcoholics, before the final stages of alcoholism at least, can go for long periods of time without alcohol. These and other factors tend to convince the drinker that he or she does not really have a problem or that they can somehow control their drinking. One of the telling clues in your post is that you spend days or weeks fantasizing about drinking. An active alcoholic becomes obsessed with alcohol and will be forever coming up with reasons for drinking.

You have not taken a drink for almost half a year but you are getting the urge to drink and that may indicate that you have an obsession for alcohol. This obsession does not automatically go away when someone stops drinking but it can instead get toned down a bit. Then, something happens that will prompt the mind to think that drinking would be a good idea. The solution to the problem is to find some means of permanently removing the obsession for alcohol.

Since you are already in a non-AA 12 Step group, that is one place where you may find the solution. However, there is a huge difference between being in such a group and actually doing the necessary work that brings about a change of thinking. The secret to success is in putting the 12 Step suggestions into practice in your life. You can do that by getting a good sponsor who has travelled the road before you and who will guide you through the Steps.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMC62Y_5dyE

The fact that you have sought out DS and have posted shows that you are concerned about your relationship with alcohol. Whilst you may go days, weeks or even months without a drink, if it is constantly at the forefront of your mind then your "unhealthy relationship" with alcohol is already in progression. I'm sure people that drink socially and safely don't think about alcohol constantly like alcoholics (potential or not). Alcoholics will look for any excuse to drink, they convince themselves that they can be sober for a few days or only drink at weekends but that's just the trickery of the alcoholic mind. For me I'd drink until I'd pass out - to devoid myself from emotion, but my body and mind craved that feeling of euphoria more and more because it was only at that time I no longer felt,,,,,,, and so it began. Believe me when I say that when the feeling of euphoria becomes harder to achieve, the drinking increases, so do the measures and strength, little by little it creeps up on you (progressive).

Its your description of liking that feeling of euphoria to mask your emotion that stands out to me as I can relate. What you need to do is focus on the thing or things that are causing your emotions (what is at the core to cause you so much pain that you feel the need to numb it) because masking it isn't dealing with it. All you will do is cover the cracks, top another layer on there and build a bigger foundation that will eventually fall putting you in the depths of alcoholism.

We all have one thing in common on this forum and that is that alcoholism has touched us in some way, whether it is ourselves that have fallen to its clutches or our loved ones.

I wish you well and hope that you stay strong.
Much love XX

Thanks so much everyone. Really appreciate your thoughts and support :)

The 12 steps of AA have help millions of people suffering from other forms of addiction like gambling, over eating, drug abuse, hoarding, etc. It gets to the root of the triggers that drive our addictions!

I remember being in detox for drugs but I was unaware of the 12 steps at that time. A year later, I was in detox again but this time it was for alcohol. I was in the detox lounge waiting for a meeting when I browsed through the books on the coffee table and came across a book called, "The 12 steps, for everyone who really wants them", which is the AA 12 steps adapted for EHA which is Emotional Health Anonymous! My drug of choice was actually narcotic pain killers. I started drinking when I couldn't find any more pills. Since I had multiple addictions, this book was the catalyst that began my recovery.

I have an extra copy you can have for free if you trust me with your address. You can pm it to me if you're interested. I really believe it will help you because it breaks down each of the steps in easy to understand language, and allows you to apply it to any and all addictions you may have as well as ocd related problems.

God Bless

Charlotte I too could take it or leave it. But once I started the obsession of the mind.