There have been a couple of meetings I frequented over the years where there seemed to be a self appointed guru who waited to be the last to share and then would comment on what he heard at the meeting. After awhile it got to buggin me and my mind would close off when he shared, well there were negative thoughts going on.

I found that going to some different meetings for awhile and then going back to the meetings with the guru I was able to listen to him in a different light. I guess my attitude towards him had a vacation and what he did didn't really bother me anymore. We ended up being golf buddies eventually.

That is weird about having to have a year to read something at the meeting. Sounds like she may like to be the rule maker.

go to another meeting. some are toxic.

Ash, I find when things like this bother me or anything for that matter I need to look at myself 1st and ask why. Always goes back to I'm not spiritually fit which in turn means I'm off balance. So is it the meeting or you?

Thanks for positing on 'aa friends' glad it helped.

Yes!! but whats interesting either way Is to have opinion . Either trust your gut and move on in AA ,lots of groups and sponsors! Or' if "the The qualification of One Year, was voted on, honor it in a place of neutrality and see if it benefits those newer who may need a more focused meeting :) The Fellowship of the Spirit in AA goes both ways.
Billy

I have been going to AA for only 5 months and have been sober for only 5 months thanks to AA. But I know what you mean.

My home group has one of those "self-appointed gurus" who tries to run the meetings as well as jumping on every new person offering his advice and sponsorship. i think he may have ran off more than he has helped. He's a smart guy and knows the Big Book and 12x12 by heart but too mechanical for me. Somewhat zealous.

So I do attend other group meetings just for the escape and that makes him more tolerable when I return home.

Another group that I attend has a "guru" but he's more laid back and just says he is there for anyone who needs him.

The other group is a noon meeting. Most get there on time and leave asap because of jobs etc. They get down to business and I like this group. ( no gurus ) but I can't get there as often because of distance and responsibilities.

Anyway going to other meetings does seem to help as Jimmy99 said. Main thing is to keep going.

Again I have only been sober 5 months so you may not want any advice from me and I still don't have a sponsor but looking.

Thanks and good luck!

DryDuck

A woman in our meeting today got up and got a big book that was for sale, and used it for herself in the meeting, then put it back. She does stuff like that all the time. It annoys me and I had to think about why. For me alcoholism has included a big dose of fear. A fear of not having enough, not being enough, not getting enough of whatever it was I was thinking about. So when I see this woman "grabbing" a book I reacted with annoyance which probably is fear based. She'll get "my" stuff. A woman with 31 years of sobriety in this same meeting said we can see the world through a lens of not enough, or of abundance. As soon as I started really focusing on that, this other woman didnt annoy me.
That said, if its an uncomfortable meeting for you, switch it up! Maybe when you come back you won't be annoyed anymore.

Hi Ashley and welcome, Dryduck.

Ashley, don't know where you are on your journey with sobriety so it's hard to work out what the problem might be. So the answer is a general one.

However, I remember getting really annoyed by seemingly stupid little details in meetings until I started on my journey through the Steps with my sponsor. It was that "irritable, restless and discontented" feeling - or the "bedevilments" as the Big Book describes them on p52. I remember someone describing it as being sensitive to the "crumbs in the bed" which made me laugh but I immediately identified!

People seem to work through the Steps in all sorts of different ways. For me it had to be quick. I couldn't "just not drink" any more because I didn't know how long I would be staying dry - this time. I had those "strange mental blank spots" referred to on p.42 and in Jim's story and Fred's story etc.

Anyway, once I got past Step 3, things changed quite drastically and on I went. Things started to improve from there.

I didn't necessarily go to the same meetings as my sponsor.

As an example of the difference between meetinsg, at my home group, you are ready to do anything once the work is completed so we don't have that belief in waiting for anything. The thinking is that once a person has had a spiritual awakening there is no point at all in hanging back in any area of service.

That was the kind of group and group conscience that I found suited me best.

Hello Ashley 8888,

When feelings of irritation and annoyance with other people come to the surface it may be time to look inside and to try to discover the cause. We have to bear in mind that none of these people is any more perfect than ourselves and whether they are fellow alcoholics or not, we dont know what challenges they are facing or what inner turmoil they may have.

In such cases we have to ask ourselves some hard questions. Have we been selfish, self-seeking, jealous or inconsiderate? Have we shown the same tolerance to others that we would expect them to show to us? Do we understand that the person may be spiritually sick?

If these feelings are allowed to build up and especially if you try to keep them inside, resentment develops and before long these can add up to a big list. The Big Book tells us that for the alcoholic, resentment is the number one offender the thing that is likely to drive us back to drinking.

The first Step 4 prayer on page 67 of the Big Book deals with resentments:

We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done.

As for the lady in your group, I would say the following:

Sometimes the people who seem to want to run everything are quite happy to step back and let someone else take over but very often, nobody else wants to be bothered with the responsibility. I have seen this happening at Group AGM meetings where Group members make themselves scarce on the night. Then, its a case of the same old faces except that without those old faces many groups would cease to exist.

Many Groups have a rule about chairing meetings. For example, for chairing a weekly meetings there may be a requirement for three months sobriety but for holding Group Conscience positions it may be two years sobriety. Any member of the Group is entitled to put motions before the Group Conscience and of course the democratic decision of the Group is final in such matters (with some exceptions) and is accepted by Group members, even if some may disagree.

Getting mad at other people is a dangerous business for alcoholics. Very often, we concern ourselves, as I sometimes do, with matters that are really none of our business. In such cases it is wise to take a step back and think before saying or doing something that may latter be regretted or cause harm to other people.

Ashley, my advice to you would be to take a look at Steps 4 and 5 with your sponsor.

Ok while I agree with a lot of the above - I also have to say that some people - especially those who see themselves a superior to others - are just flat irritating.

I agree with those who suggested that you might want to go to other meetings. It may not be as comfortable as your home meeting is in general (not including this know-it-all woman) but you will find somewhere that you fit right in. I would do that.

And by the way - I've been sober for 33 years + and not once have I felt entitled to make up a new rule. AA is fine just the say it is.

That's really sad, Linda Jean.

Gailly, do you really wanna open a can of worms with that post?

Ashley, I had the same problem in my home group with certain people who liked to control things. Lots of other people who are great and I just focused on them. The more I practiced tolerance, the easier it became and none of them bother me in the least now.

Group Conscience is a wonderful thing when done properly. Sometimes even with that, there are those who try to sway other members to vote in their favor.

There is always the option to change meetings, but sometimes people can stick around to make it a healthier group rather than leave.

Good luck!!

There are many days I feel like what is the F'n point. But what I did find out is that no matter how bad my day was, drinking ALWAYS made it worse.

I never woke up after a night of drinking and said, damn I'm glad I drank last night.

Sometimes it feels like it will never get better. We need to learn, there is gonna be good, bad and really shitty days.....that's gonna be life.

We are gonna have to deal with the likes of assholes, and people we don't mesh with.

Life is going to be different this go around, I can feel it.

Thanks for the post

Take care

Thank you all so much!! Really has helped me a lot! I think a BIG part of this is ME! I think I need to work on my spirituality and to look at my own character defects that are standing out in the moments and pin pointing them so that I can start praying about them and trying to be better.

I know that I am taking what others do and say way too personal! I have a lot of ego going on and also wanting to fix, manage and conrol the way things go...tonight at a meeting the lead woman read from pages 60 and 61...discribed me so well right now! I am wantin to be the director and thinking others should act a certain way....I should feel bad for them and pray for them if I dont think they sound healthy...it is not for me judge though...I have to pray and let it go...its His work, not mine!

Anyways, lol...thanks for so much advise!! And yes I do need to branch out on my meetings more...I have almost 10 mo. and I have slacked off on my meetings, not good at all!! I know I need to find new ones as well...I never want to be that person who complains and never does anything about it...I know I have to step up MY WORK if I want the results...the promises

Sorry to ramble but thank you all SO MUCH!!!
Ashley

interesting topic, I haven't drank in a long time but boy I had a rough day with negativity of my own creation and not seeming to do the things I know to do to help myself. Selfpity kicks my behind sometimes!!!!