go to http://www.aa.org/

type in your zipcode, find a meeting. Listen to the others who were once in your situation, myself included, and find out what they did to stop (and stay stopped) drinking.

Disclaimer: AA is but one of many recovery programs available to the alcoholic. If you want to get and remain sober, find the program that works for you. AA has worked for me for 4209 days and counting. "

I agree with TexiCaille. AA is one of the only programs that is readily available DAILY. You don't need to wait another day to get to a meeting - GO TODAY. I don't personally attend AA meetings and there are other ways to get sober but you need something now and AA is sitting there waiting for you.
Take your wake-up call seriously and do something about your issue - not just to save your marriage but to save yourself. You don't deserve to live like this.
Also, we are all here for support for you......Please come here and post any time you need to:)))
Welcome and HUGE HUGS
Jen

thank you both

Jva,

I've been where you are. For me, AA was the answer. I walked in, raised my hand, cried, and shared my story of what your describe. I tried limiting drinks, not drinking hard liquor anymore. I continued to fail.

I'd be "good" for a few months, and then I'd have another explosive blackout event. Waking up ashamed and unsure of what you have done, where is your wallet, who did you text or call, what did you say, and where was your car, are all experiences I've felt repeatedly.

Those AA members grabbed me, gave me their number and politely insisted I get a big book of AA.

It saved me. It saved my marriage and family. Sure it took a few months to really understand, I can never have another drink again. That was a battle because alcohol is a sneaky little devil. It tricks us back to the bar, even after we believed willpower would keep is sober.

You will get a little help on this site from a lot of good people who practice a lot of different methods.

The key is for you to communicate frequently and get to a meeting today.

I know what you mean about the blacking out thing. apparently I was texting with other women last night and I don't even remember any of it and it was very explicit. i'm so ashamed of myself.

Go to AA, get a sponser, and do the steps! When I did that, my life changed for the better. That was 8 years ago, and today, I am happier now then I have ever been!

Try not to think of the past or future, keep your feet grounded in the present and stay sober, one day at a time. Try to go to some meetings. You don't have to say anything. Just sit and listen!

The rest will take care of itself.

God Bless!

Put the plug in the jug and keep the plug in the jug!

I used AA!

I too used to not be able to control how much I drank. One would lead to another. , infinity. See I'm just different when I drink alcohol. Most ppl have a couple, get sleepy and stop. Me , I had two just to get the ball rolling. I also found a lot of Shane, guilt, and remorse were always in my face. I finally had enuf and went to aa. It offered a solution.

Go GET sober, it's possible. You just gotta put one foot in front of the other and get moving. Life is amazing now. My wife respects me and I respect myself. Cmon!

1is2many

Coming here is a sign that you are willing to let go a bit and reach out to others. that is a huge first step. I was a closeted, isolated drinker and was real close to losing my wife over it. She didn't even know the demon she was fighting as I hid my drinking that well. I walked into my first AA meeting back on Sept 28th not sure what to expect and more than a little uneasy. I instantly felt "at home" and was so relieved that there were over two dozen other people in that first meeting that could relate to me completely. I urge you to get to a meeting today. AA is certainly not the only tool, but there is nothing better for me than being in an actual room with folks just like us... Yours in the journey. United we stand. PG

jva230, I was in the same shape as you 2 years ago. Find the strength to not go to that place. My problems never went away from crawling in the can or bottle. Only got worse. Sobriety is a beautiful thing and I hope you find some help and strength. God bless. You CAN do this!!

i'm very much appreciative of all the support all of you are willing to give me. I know I can do it. I just hope its not too late to save my family

Welcome Jva,
Glad you are here. You can do this. Commit to you. You are worth it.
There is tremendous knowledge, support and experience here. I have learned so much, since joining DS August 2015. One day at a time...
Much love and peace. hugs. Hang in there.

thank you so much. i'm committed to success only

Giday JVA and welcome to our little group. As others have said there is many programs that can help with grog problems. Personally like many here I used the program of AA and to this day I am a grateful monkey.

In your post you talk about family, if you put the grog down whether you keep or lose your family none knows, a lot of that will depend on how much damage you have done. But if you do not put the grog down almost certain you will lose your family.

You speak about denial what is it that you are in denial, are you denying that you are a heavy drinker, are you denying you are an alcoholic? Do you even know what your problem is??

Finally if you are doing this to save your family that will get you to put the grog down. To stay stop you need to do it for you, you have to want this. What lengths are you will to go to??

G8

JVA -- My wife was pretty much 95% checked out of our marriage and was just putting on appearances for our friends and our two kids. (This was her admission to me after I started getting sober). She was ready to leave me in early 2016 if I didn't start changing. I can honestly say that I first started getting sober for her and my kids but that quickly transitioned into getting sober for ME first and realizing that if I don't get sober for me, then I am on a journey that is ultimately doomed to fail. If there is any small spark of love left there for you from her, your actions will at first keep that spark alive and in time start to add some tinder to it, piece by piece. My marriage is still in a fragile state but it is a whole lot better than it was 3 months ago and I know that I just have to keep at it. I am worth it and so are you. Feel free to message me if you want and I can share more of my story with you. We may have similar paths. Hugs, PG