I tried every day only to crack the bottle open before the sun set and drink again, every time. Why? Because I’m an alcoholic and that was my default, my go to. Actually until I found a replacement it was not possible to stop. I tried it all, I took antibuse , I took anti depressants, I took anti anxiety pills. But the problem was not the booze, the problem was how I felt and dealt with life. I was sad and angry without booze. Until June 9, 2012 when I finally decided to get some help. See I was fiercely independent and a loner. But one day I walked into an aa meeting, and started to sweat it out. I was greeted by people who had been able to lose toe booze. For the first time I felt there was hope. The others taught me how to cope with life events. How to make a decision to not pick up the bottle as a solution. I was hooked on the drug, yes alcohol is a drug it’s just in a liquid form. It is highly addictive and as a recovering alcoholic something I just steer clear of today. Because my body is different and when I put a little in me, I want more and more until I’m drunk and then I will do things I regret.

There are many ways. Aa or refuge recovery, or church, or yoga, or standing on your head... but the thing is you have to replace the drinking with something else. Without new friends and new habits, once you feel better after a few days the pull of the drug is so strong it will win every time, unless you change the way you are.

Get busy, life is waiting, live it again

1is2many

I tried over 200 times to quit on my own and just couldn't do it. I failed miserably each and every time. I knew I needed help but I wasn't motivated until my world came crashing in on my. Health issues, job loss, angry wife who kicked me out so I had no place to live. Long story short, the police were involved and I ended up in detox. That was the best thing that ever happened to me. I had sank so low, there was only one place to go and that was up. After detox, I went through an outpatient program (every hospital has one if you live in the USA) After that, I went through some counseling but through all the help I received, regular attendance at AA meetings were a requirement.

I needed all of this in the beginning to heal me and I needed to do everything it took to live a sober lifestyle because I wanted my life.

That was 10 years ago. Today I have a great life and I have never been happier.

A good place to start would be with your family doctor who can monitor your health issues if you have any and can discuss treatment options with you.

Good luck on your road to recovery and may you find peace and happiness along the way. Keep us posted because the path you take may help someone else!

God Bless

Thank you both for responding, the main fear I have with telling my doctor is that it could cause me to lose insurance with that on my record, but I'd like to tell him. This guilt though is no joke....

For me i had to go to rehab to stay stopped and then did AA for the first year f2f then switched to only online with AA and Lifering then pulled away. I relapsed after 5 years when my husband died, drank 3 days and decided no i need to stay sober, went back to doing online recovery AA and lifering. 4 months ago i was close to a relapse (almost 6 years sober now) and a friend dragged me to a f2f AA, its been the best thing for me and now dealing with 2 deaths in a week and no thoughts of drinking. AA doesnt work for all but for me its been my rock. Even going and just listening helps so much to know your not alone. Telling your doctor would hold you accountable to someone as well and that helps. I know having a sponsor helps me as well. I dont see how it could cause you to lose insurance as alcoholism is a disease. SO i dont think they can cut you off.

Just my humble opinion but I have found that honesty is always the best policy especially as you speak about the torture caused by your guilt. Just tell the truth and let the marbles fall where they may. You never know but something good might come out of it!

My insurance paid for my stay in detox and it paid most of my outpatient treatment. Privacy laws are very strict in the USA. Nobody knew I had a problem except my doctor, the hospital, and my health insurance. It's up to you if you want to tell anybody else.

I was never able to stay sober until I faced my fears and overcame them. Only then, did my life get better.

God Bless

I believe bobinmaine is right about your privacy protections, but even if he's not, isn't your health and future worth more than anything you might fear? What can be more threatening than continuing the downward spiral you're on now? Most of us here and been in your shoes and had to have someone remind us this as well. Eventually we got to the point where the shame and pain was just too much and we just couldn't go on any more. Our last act of desperation was to get help. Admitting your addiction is when the door cracks open to a new life. I hope you can find the courage and strength to open it, walk in and discover the life awaiting you on the other side. Wishing you the best and please keep in touch!

Thank y'all! I made an appointment today with a doctor, I would rather know if something is wrong than live in fear.

Great!

Hi there. I drank for about a decade but, like you, the last few years got out of my control. I stopped ten months ago. For me it’s one and done. I had help in the form of a sort of divine intervention. I was dropped from a staggering collapse at work. And for weeks, helpless and in severe pain all I wanted to do was drink. My wife brought me home a few bottles, but then it really started feeling wrong. I started reading about how to live a meaningful life. (Dali Lama). And I decided to listen to this loud message I had received. Instead of fearing or worrying about change, I made a choice to better myself and try something new. Embrace change. Get excited about changing. I had been in a rut for too long. So I told myself I would never let another drop of alcohol pass my lips for the rest of my life. Like everyone has wisely pointed out: there has to be a replacement for the drinking. Just wanting to stop is just the beginning. To make it a life changing event, I had to change my life. Out with the old habits and day by day create new ones. Mindful breathing is really important to me. It prepares the way for every next step. Like mindful eating and walking. Basically everything I do in my day can be different just by living in the present moment and enjoying all the little things that I took for granted. A cup of tea. A good book. A deep conversation. This is how I fill the void that alcohol had created. And it works!!! Haven’t looked back. I am learning that what causes cravings of any kind is letting ourselves get empty on the inside, our souls. So we feel fear and anxiety and ‘consume’ outside things which can never fill us. That road you don’t want to go down anymore? These are the roots of the suffering that alcohol is not healing. Just putting the inevitable off another day. That it’s time to stand up for yourself and become the morally responsible person that has been inside you all along. Give it a chance. Believe that you can advance and grow. On my daily walks I often admire the ancient oak trees that grow here and I take a moment to feel their solidness and ask if I might borrow a little of their strength. Fird your roots which will ground you.

Thanks for all the support! I've officially made it 24 hrs sober, not much but I'll take it. I made steps today to help me on my road to recovery ❤

One day at a time. :-)

to halt drinking
dont get Hungry Angry Lonely or Tired
Alcohol was all sugar... fermented form and when the craving hits... eat some chocolate or get some ice cream. The main trick is to find a way to be happy with who you are and love yourself. I found i had to ditch the old friends and find some new ones because as long as i kept doing the same things i would drink again and again. The thing is that after a few days you start feeling better and think... well it wasnt that bad... just one... etc. then its pop a top time and back down the rabbit hole.

It wasnt quitting that was the problem, I was good at quitting. It was staying quit. Thats the real goal. Go out and get life on your terms. Live

1is2many

BHouston, so proud of you.
My doctor used to say to me after I stopped drinking and my other vices that one day after therapy ( was going to therapy to deal with the underlying issues of why I drank etc) she said I would feel a weight lifted off my shoulders. I thought she was crazy and told her so. After intense therapy for a few years and the heaviness I felt. One day, I sat in the waiting room chair and felt it happen. A huge weight lifted from my shoulders. I am now able to look at everything that hurt me and look at the support I have, and not pick up a drink. There is always the temptation but I have been able to stay sober now for 2 years and three months from alcohol and five years from other vices. Many blessings desr friend. One day at a time.

BHouston,
First of all, recognizing the problem can be the first step into a long recovery process. I think you are already well on your way! I think now you should focus on setting short term goals. I know that helps me. This can really change the way you approach situations. Set goals and see results. You can do it!

Thanks everyone for all the comments! It really helped me. Made it 4 days now