I have been struggling these past few weeks with on and off drinking as Im trying to quit.made it 4 days without and then started up again 3 days ago. I know that I am an alcoholic and believe that while you either are or arent, there is definitely some progression that happens. This is just based on other people I know and reading stories and looking at forum postings of other alcoholics. The new alcoholic who isnt sure whether or not he/she has a problem is different than the one who has hit rock bottom and will literally give up anything and everything for the bottle.

I watched a movie last night A Walk Among the Tombstones with Liam Neeson (good movie, as his usually are) and in it he is an alcoholic cop who retires early to work privately and also quit drinking after he did something terrible when he was drunk. ANYWAY, him being an alcoholic and the 12 steps werent necessarily an integral part of the movie, but afterward I got to thinking about why he quit drinking. I started to think that I need to really take my drinking problem seriously because I dont want to wait for something terrible to happen before its my day to quit. I dont want to accidentally hurt someone or ruin something. I dont want to hit rock bottom. I dont want to give up relationships and money and my career and reputation before I realize that I have a problem that needs to be dealt with.

I wish we could all learn from others mistakes. I can hear 100 stories of the terrible things an advanced alcoholic does, how it affects their health, destroys their life, all of their regrets, and all of their losses. Yet I still go home and pick up the bottle. Its terrible and disrespectful, yet I do it again and again.
Today is Day 1. Pray for me that this Day 1 is different .