What is it with all these naked torso's today? Anyhoooo.....

Yes Ashely, I have been lonely lately, I think it is natural-I am not around people as much as I use to be! I am a stay at home mom, and I have my kids and love it. I yearn sometimes for companionship though.

I tell you what though, this lonliness has really brought me to enjoy solitary stuff that I NEVER liked as much. I really think about what I like now, and I always put that on the back burner. It was always about pleasing others, what they like, and that is how I lived.

I think now I am re-booting a bit! I kind of like it, and people around me have noticed I have changed in my "always wanting to please" and entertain attitude.

Give YOURSELF a try.

Yes Ashely, I felt isolated, even when I was around people I'd feel s though I was the only one there. It's all new at the moment, and your feeling a lot of emotions you wouldn't normally feel when you were drinking. It does get better, but make sure you keep getting f2f help. Please PM me anytime. Your doing great :}

All you lonely young ladies can call me when you have a years sobriety!!! lol

Boy, this should get me some hate mail on Valentines Day......hehehe

Thank you all, so much, I know I just need to keep on truckin...moving forward and doing the next right thing....

And yes, I do enjoy being by myself sometimes, getting to know ME again, it has been awhile...

Ashley I know exactly what you mean. I don't have ANY friends who don't drink. I used to get together with my friends every Saturday to cook & drink and we always drank many bottles of champagne. Although my sponsor said my little "Julia Child adventures" concerned him, he told me to have an escape plan & that stuck with me. When I started feeling uncomforable, I split.

Being so new in recovery, it's a good idea to avoid that altogether. I too have to meet some sober friends...if I find a way to meet new sober friends..I'll let ya know! :)

Ashley,....wow............you sound exactly like me. When I was drinking, I was so out-going and people told me I was hilarious. When I got sober, at first,....I thought, "Wow,..I have really changed". I was very shy. Kinda unapproachable. For instance, if I were at the counter in a store paying for something or eating and the waiter or waitress came over,...I found myself hoping they didnt talk to me much or at all. It seemed like I "forgot" how to interact with people. Its been 5 years since I had a drink and that all came back to me at around the second year. Dont know where you are at in terms of sobriety time,...but, year two seems to be a turning point for alot of recovering alcoholics. As for the Valentines Day thing,......dont worry about it,....I will be your valentine. :)

Ta2-is it the avatars that suggest we're lonely?? :)

Sorry KK-I started a trend...was feeling amorous so I found ole Jake there to keep me company tonight..hee hee..invited the rest of the girls along so we could trade off.

Oh and FYI-if you google "sexy cowboy" you'll find some very entertaining photos. but WARNING do NOT google "sexy cowboyS" plural or you'll be stunned at what ya see!! :)

Ask youself this question: Why do you need to be with someone? Get use to your own skin and get some solid sobriety behind you. There will plenty of time to meet and greet later. I was just like you when I first stopped drinking. It has been a year now and I am more able than ever to make good choices when it comes to companionship. Dont rush it. Get well first.

I completely understand feeling shy all of a sudden without having the booze confidence. It can go both ways. There are some situations recently that I am so amazed and happy that I am doing it sober and other ones where I feel like I am missing something inside and I might be really boring. But this is new to me right now as I am on day 6. I thought today would be the hardest one with vday and having just broken up a relationship. it wasn't easy and there were several very sad moments but I didn't drink. and not drinking is giving me hope that I will find and be in better relationships including the one with myself. but I am still feeling pretty shy about being around at aa meetings. I really want to get over that one because I know there are lots of really good people out there. being sober is quite the adventure in new feelings.

Ashley, I completely know where you are coming from. When I was drinking my house felt like a trap......I 'thought' I drunk to escape the loneliness. Then a very dear friend who has been sober for 17 years and is into Buddhism said this to me:-

'You are not lonely, you are just alone'.

I thought about that. She was spot on. I had made the choices to be where I was, I had ended the shitty relationships (and hey, whats worse, I could have been still sat in one!).

This is mindset stuff so how about trying to use a different word...I now find if I say I am 'alone' (as oppossed to 'lonely') it does wonders :)

So with you. I also remember, 'Rome wasnt built in a day and nor was I', this is gonna take time Ashley. Peace my friend.

You need to become "a joiner" and start joining some groups and organizations. It'll seem strange at first, but trust me- it works.

-Join a large church with a singles group
-Join a club - book club, gym, whatever. I know that you have a college in Louisville so trust me, there are many clubs
Take an adult "continuing education" class at the university. These are open to anyone, and you can take things like "intro to photography, etc".

I'm not saying you should never be alone, but the only way to meet people is to get out of your comfort zone.

Ashley...I know that feeling.

Early in sobriety I found the best thing I did was to get out of me. I volunteered at the local soup kitchen. I got involved in AA service work, getting coffee, cleaning up after a meeting. Listening to others. (At the advice of others). I really enjoyed it.

Of course the first priority was just in taking care of the every day things, going to meetings. Keeping a conscious check on the HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, tired).

I think the most important thing I did early on was just stay as busy as I could. When busy my thoughts didn't wander as much away from the moment. Just focusing on the next right thing. Staying in the day, in the moment and trying to think of what I could do for another.

Hugs Ree

Hey Ashley,
I can remember when I first drinking, I could be in a room full of people and be the loneliest person in the world. Today I can be the only person in the room and I am never alone. This is a healing process, that being said as the alcoholic I am I want it now damn it. I was reminded constantly by my sponsor that it took me 44 years to get sober, what made me think I and my life was going to change over night.

As far as meeting sober folks. In my area there are womens retreats, sober dances, soon there will be picnics, dinners just to name a few. Try some of these you might find you have a good time. Learning to live without alcohol can be difficult at first. I know it was for me as the alcohol was what made me fearless. After a time I found that I just needed faith in myself to overcome all that fear. People actually liked me for me, what an awakening that was for me.

Forcing myself to do the things that were uncomfortable for me was the key. New experiences and adventures, try it and it will become the normal thing for you. God Bless, Mike

Hey Ashley, I really understand about the inability to join in stuff. When I first went to AA I used to watch fascinated at how people seemed to begin conversations in such a casual way - I always wondered how the hell they did it! Give it time and you will make friends in AA - just make sure they are the sober ones while you are still so newly sober.

I have learned in recovery that in order to be able to be in any kind of relationship with people, I had to be comfortable in myself, with just me for company. It took time, but I can be alone now and not necessarily feel lonely.

I know stuff like Valentine's Day can make people feel even more isolated but you are not ready for that kind of stuff, it'll do your head in!!

The best way to begin to make friends in AA is to be useful - clear up after the meeting, wash the cups/ashtrays, stack chairs etc. Volunteer if the tea-makers job comes up - that was the BEST way I got to know people and all I had to say was 'Hi - tea or coffee.' - then people would ask me how I was - I'd ask back, we might share a joke and before I knew it, I started to feel part of this amazing thing!!

Lyn

Hi, I am Kelly. I have 37 days.I am isolating and not going to as many meetings. I am depressed. I have met some great people here.
I like you am lonely. The only solution is meetings n fellowship,shake up the meetings. Go to different ones.You will meet dif people.
Good Luck,you can always talk to me.
You are not alone.