Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
Hello friends, this one is a bit lengthy.....
I posted my situation a few months ago and I got some good support. In a nutshell, I have breast cancer. From when I first felt a lump (2/3) I went right to doctor and (long story short) had a mastectomy on 3/2. For that month I was constantly planning, researching, on the phone, faxing, corresponding and multiple testing. I had a plan, I was going to trudge this road ahead of me and come out stronger for it. After I healed from my surgery and partial reconstruction (1st step of a 2-part process) I met my Oncologist on 3/30, had a port put in for chemo on 3/31 and began my chemo on 4/7.
Then there was this bump in the road and I found myself waving my finger at God saying, "This was completely uncalled for!" About 5 days after my 1st chemo I felt a pain under my left arm, I had felt nothing under that arm since the surgery. When I looked I saw the skin was red and irritated and starting to scab (turned out to be cellulitis). I put hot compresses on it and some antibiotic crm. A few days later I developed a high fever and needed to be admitted for IV antibiotics (my body had no white blood cells to fight the infection). While that infection cleared up it spread to my chest and my temporary implant needed to be taken out. Then I developed MRSA (a powerful staff infection that is resistant to many antibiotics) and I was quarantined in my room for 3 days before they finally let me go home.
So when I left the hospital I had tubes coming out my left side draining this awful, disgusting fluid that I would have rather not had to look at but I needed to drain & measure it 2x/day. On my left side I had to (and still have to) administer my own IV antibiotics into my port 2x/day. I'm disfigured and my hair is falling out. Believe it or not, with all that my biggest frustration has been the slowing down of my chemo schedule.....prolonging this process. For the first time ever I felt angry at God.....that's ok, he could handle it.
So I was bitter for awhile, I'm getting over it. Whenever someone asked me how I was feeling I told them....happy face on the shelf. I was/am fully aware of my blessings, I am fully aware that there are people in this world much worse off than I am.....and I was still pissed off. The good news is I finally have a date that I could stop the IV antibiotics and start my chemo again....back to a plan:^)
I guess the moral of the story is, I'm the kind of person who doesn't say, "why me?" I don't wallow in self pity, I don't say, "this is not fair," because I know life is not fair. By my jumping into this with 2 feet and rolling with the punches, I didn't think I'd catch a sucker punch....I consider this whole experience a sucker punch. I had a nicely laid out plan, this wasn't part of it, obviously this part was out of my control.
Life on life's terms is not always what we want, but I suppose it's always what we need. I'm still sober......
I posted my situation a few months ago and I got some good support. In a nutshell, I have breast cancer. From when I first felt a lump (2/3) I went right to doctor and (long story short) had a mastectomy on 3/2. For that month I was constantly planning, researching, on the phone, faxing, corresponding and multiple testing. I had a plan, I was going to trudge this road ahead of me and come out stronger for it. After I healed from my surgery and partial reconstruction (1st step of a 2-part process) I met my Oncologist on 3/30, had a port put in for chemo on 3/31 and began my chemo on 4/7.
Then there was this bump in the road and I found myself waving my finger at God saying, "This was completely uncalled for!" About 5 days after my 1st chemo I felt a pain under my left arm, I had felt nothing under that arm since the surgery. When I looked I saw the skin was red and irritated and starting to scab (turned out to be cellulitis). I put hot compresses on it and some antibiotic crm. A few days later I developed a high fever and needed to be admitted for IV antibiotics (my body had no white blood cells to fight the infection). While that infection cleared up it spread to my chest and my temporary implant needed to be taken out. Then I developed MRSA (a powerful staff infection that is resistant to many antibiotics) and I was quarantined in my room for 3 days before they finally let me go home.
So when I left the hospital I had tubes coming out my left side draining this awful, disgusting fluid that I would have rather not had to look at but I needed to drain & measure it 2x/day. On my left side I had to (and still have to) administer my own IV antibiotics into my port 2x/day. I'm disfigured and my hair is falling out. Believe it or not, with all that my biggest frustration has been the slowing down of my chemo schedule.....prolonging this process. For the first time ever I felt angry at God.....that's ok, he could handle it.
So I was bitter for awhile, I'm getting over it. Whenever someone asked me how I was feeling I told them....happy face on the shelf. I was/am fully aware of my blessings, I am fully aware that there are people in this world much worse off than I am.....and I was still pissed off. The good news is I finally have a date that I could stop the IV antibiotics and start my chemo again....back to a plan:^)
I guess the moral of the story is, I'm the kind of person who doesn't say, "why me?" I don't wallow in self pity, I don't say, "this is not fair," because I know life is not fair. By my jumping into this with 2 feet and rolling with the punches, I didn't think I'd catch a sucker punch....I consider this whole experience a sucker punch. I had a nicely laid out plan, this wasn't part of it, obviously this part was out of my control.
Life on life's terms is not always what we want, but I suppose it's always what we need. I'm still sober......
I've only been sober a short time, but in that time I've heard stories of people losing parents, spouses, and children, and not using that as an excuse to return to drinking. As daunting as your situation is, I personally find it inspiring that you can go through this without resorting to old "solutions."
While not every day of my sobriety has been rainbows in the sky and butterflies landing on my fingertips, I have not been tested to the extent that you have. I hope that if (more likely when) the day comes that I am tested in the extreme, I persevere as well as you have.
When I was diagnosed with MS,my sponsor told me this was the beginning of a new life.I didn't understand right then,but I do now.
Sometimes I jokingly tell people this was God's way of slowing me down.I feel guilty after I say it,because I also became angry with Him.The inside scoop has truth.I never observed the beautiful things before,at least not as intently.Privately,I always thank Him for readying me through sobriety for this illness.I also remained sober.
We survive,even blossom,through times like these.
Thank you for your story.
MrSmarty I thank you, and guess what? I've lost both my parents in sobriety & had a still born child. The day after I first felt a lump my brother in law died from cancer at the age of 49. As I type this, my husband is in the hospital recovering from surgery....it's actually getting kinda fun to talk about all this, I've got the chemo nurses wowed every time I talk to them (I have to go in 2x/wk for IV iron treatments; I'm anemic and giving me oral iron supplements would be way too convenient, I actually have to drive the 30 miles to the hosp 2x/wk).
Life is what it is, I've learned to laugh at stuff like this....in time.
I have a loving, supportive family; my supervisor at work is super supportive and gives me all the time I need for appts.....that's plenty. Our church family is bringing us meals, with 2 kids playing sports and my IV antibiotics it sure comes in handy that I don't have to cook dinner.
Since I got sober 11 years ago I have lost almost everything, including my life due to illnesses other than alcoholism. I am still on the way back from all that, but I am "in the game', having an opportunity to have a go, simply becausse I am sober. I would have been dead long ago had I not gotten sober when I did, and while life has not only turned out not like I'd hoped, in truth it has been way beyond anything I could have imagined when I first got sober. But not in a good way, and not in the spirit that those phrases are used in sobriety. Some people get a good hand in life, some don't, but a sober life is certainly a better one.
My reaction to Cancer was met with a thump on the desk and me words of "right, what's next. What do I have to do." The Doc was a little taken aback, but I wasn't about to check out of this life, and I'd been through enough to know that sitting on my ass feeling sorry for myself would get me nowhere. Wallowing in self-pity would be a waste of time and energy which was better spent getting on with what was needed to get well.
During chemo, there were plenty of tears and emotions. It was another detour on this journey in life and one which brought more lessons, growth, and relationships with it. I found inspiration in my little hero's the chemo kidlets at Hospital, and made a lot of chemo-sabies at Oncology. Also spent time reflecting and being grateful for the life I'd been gifted, and I just wasn't ready to give that up. Not for me, or my daughter.
kt, thanks for sharing with us here, and my prayers for your journey ahead. Your positive outlook will go a long way to getting you through some of the tough times. One thing I did find was I started isolating half way through chemo. The side-effects were worsening, and I was tired and sick.
The support I had around me was a saviour. I found a few well placed messages from mates when I needed them most. I truly believe God placed them in my path with purpose, and I heeded them. Use your support kt, and you have us here too. God bless, and PM me anytime.
You can vent here as much as needed Ktharp, and I'm glad you're far enough in your sobriety to keep yourself sober through all of this. Do what you have to do, and keep striving forward......I really do believe there's light at the end of the tunnel but it sometimes takes a lot of work to get there.
My only comment would be that if you're ever weak in your faith, make sure that there are some others praying for you. Sometimes, the faith of others can help us through the worst of things when we don't feel strong. I'll say a prayer for you on this day.
When they say God works in mysterious ways , well that aint no lie.
All I do know is that you could make this thing a lot worse by letting old actions dictate, keep trudging and keep the faith.
I do love ya,, lates.
I also believe that God uses those experiences in our lives to make us stronger and to help others. The Step 9 promise 'No matter how far down the scale we have gone we will see how our experience can benefit others' applies to all out life experiences I believe.
I hope that the rest of your chemo goes as well as it can. Rest in the loving arms of God and he will give you peace, I too shall pray for your recovery.
Lyn
Much love to you,
Karen
MARK