Top of the Monday morn to ya! I am again the early bird, here tapping out words in the dark with a dog in my lap. I first off wanted to mention that had I caved to drink Xmas eve morn, it would have lined up with my son bringing a girl over to watch a movie. Imagine! An avent that one likely wants to put their best face forward but instead it would be my worse face. Nothing like sabotaging a new relationship straight away.

So yeah, that was a solid dodge. Whew. Glad i kept my shit together. Glad I was able to meet someone my son connects with, especially glad my son will let me in these moments. I am put on notice by him that being his mother doesn't mean he can't judge me, box me out of his life. 

Every person who is an alcoholic has sacrificed a relationship somewhere. Maybe you're awesome, maybe you only went off on the kiosk guy one morning but everybody else enables you with their approval. It is not a numbers game. It is mostly a gruesome scene for the rest of us, the corpses of relationships past littered in our subconscious field.

I can spend all damn morning recounting the many, many people I have poisoned the purity of our love with the cruel abandon of my addiction. If it is them or the addiction, i pick the addiction. The disease pretends it is my friend, acts like it is there for me in good times and bad. Don't listen! 

The disease lies. It makes you feel better temporarily, then drops you in the aftermath of bad decisions. Are you less one spouse this morning? Leave the milk out & stain your sweater with plastic cheese? What happened to your money? Did you follow an impulse that opened up further impulse? Make it stop.

Anyway... Left to my own devices I like to dance with the devil because it's sexy. "You're the Devil in disguise, that's why I'm singing this song to you." Madonna

I think that society will shift away from the narrative that the Devil is sexy. He is not. He is a sadist, interested in controlling your life. He wants to edge out the people you love so he gets you to himself, where you are cannibalized. The disease eats you and then one morning you are just a memory, fading into the black hole of sadness.