It's human to have a basic need to belong. I think when it's fuelled by low self worth or lack of identity it can lead to unhealthy expectations and behaviour to fill a need to be loved and accepted. I read through the list and identified with it all HTL. Some carried over from childhood. Survival techniques and attention seeking attributes that worked well as a child, but not so well as an adult.

When I travelled the Steps I learned a lot about who I was, and how I was shaped to be who I was. When I became honest with myself, acknowledged and accepted all of this, was I able to make changes and grow. As this continued so did my self-worth and esteem and along the way I no longer craved the love and attention I so missed as a child but became contented with my lot in life.

HTL, this may have nothing to do with how your feeling, but it did remind me of a few turning points in my sobriety. Step 4 being one. Good reminder as sometimes I need a check. Off days. They too shall pass. And as far as shutting the F up, you want to vent. I've two good ears. :}

HTL,
Awesome post. I see nothing 'off' inwhat you've shared...... I hear words of wisdom and an awesome program..... I learned all of what you've written from my sponsor and she is a woman full of wisdom from a lot of life lived both in the disease and now with 30plus years of recovery... so.... you just keep on saying what is in your heat and no matter what some others may think of it. It's not really a long trip from the head to the heart, but it is worth whatever the trip entails.

In Love Light Truth & Service
"Stubborn" TerrieAnn

Whats in your heart not heat geezzz you'd think I could spell a little better ;-)

Okay .... that is it "heart"..... not "heat".... my keyboard is messin with me bad tonite!!!

hey don't shut up, i like hearing what you have to say - hell it's about time you speak up -

Love you!

"It's hard. ...Fitting into a group while maintaining your own integrity."

I have heard in AA a phrase that might help

Get off the cross, we need the wood

I just need to stay attentive to my thoughts, words, and actions. I don't want to be influenced by peers. If I have nothing honest and good to say, I just need to be quiet. Period.

Step 6 stuff I think.

I need more sleep. My game is just off.

I try to set aside my ego which can be difficult at times. I try to live by CLARF:
compassion
love
awareness
responsibile
forgiveness
It is only recently I added an F onto CLAR. Forgiveness is so important.
Peace & Love to all

off day? I've had an off month...or two...actually goin on 3. Hell, I aint been "right" since July 12th when I got the call that my mom was going to the hospital!!!

100% honesty Olive. That's a toughy....I was only 100% honest about the past 3 months with my sponsor recently. No, I haven't drank, but mentally, I've already been there and back.

Thanks for the post-something to think about....

Well it is hard to live up to that list my dear-we all can only try our best. Our best and our worst comes out in groups I think. It is more pressure and we can over-please others, catch ourselves being catty or feel sorry for ourselves, etc....The key is spotting it, changing it, and not sweatin it too much. Forgiveness of yours and others imperfections-it is so important. Acceptance that we all have shortcomings-and need to work on them.

Be gentle on yourself, it is a learning experience, even learning how to get the most out of your group stuff. And you are making progress, I can see it.

Off day? Go draw a face, sheez. I am telling you, get to it!!!....:P

God that made me think! Thank you

i like this post. if i could attempt to live by what was written above, i'd be on my way.

i speak to impress, my motives are generally whacked, my intentions are generally good, i'd say im a sheep, or a stubborn one at that. not true to me in any way, what heart? toxic converstaions love me, manipulate, i dont think i do that much but i assiociate with a lot that do.

you're right, ill stfu

short add-on

You don't "lose your integrity" while working AA......wonderfully you come to realize that you are gaining it. I didn't even realize the complexity of integrity and what it really meant....not that I do know....but one step after another.

Peace

I went to a speaker mtg last night and I heard honesty and humility. I heard a real story with no romanticizing. It was refreshing. It was the first speaker mtg I have been to that didn't trigger me.

After the mtg I hung out awhile with a woman who I consider toxic. I did not participate. She has 9 years sobriety. I felt compassion for her. Someone so smug and self promoting must have no self esteem at all. The other night I wanted to kick her ass, but I think mainly because I was submitting to her conversation and laughing at her jokes. My conscience got defensive. Last night I stayed quiet and just listened. I let her words just roll on by.

Today I feel good about myself. I stayed true to my own values.

If I can live well one day at a time....

Great post, I enjoyed your list.