Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
I just now REALLY realized something and I feel SOOOO pathetic....so bad. so awful....please tell me what you think....
Okay so I dont usually admit this to anyone...that I am taken care of, bill wise (have been for almost 2years)....Inheritance...(that last two years)
Well, I remember two years ago...I was on my floor crying and praying for like two days...I had no idea where rent would come from and I "wanted help"...I was literally on my floor with my phone book calling rehabs one day....and as I was on the floor praying I was thinking, and I remember this clearly...I wrote it out..."what it would take for me to go to rehab...."
It was if someone could loan me one thousand dollars, just for one month so when I got out I would still have my place and I would have time to pay the rent, keeping my job if possible......
Well, guess what God did for me (maybe, this is way I feel bad).....that month my rent and a new apartment were given to me....rent free where I live now....and its very nice...
And guess what I have done with my life....NOTHING....I just sat back and drank...I have had a job, part-time, but I have done NOTHING....
I feel soooo awful when I think about it...
I know its never too late and it has to stop SOON, but one chapter is about to close and I am scared...
Okay so I dont usually admit this to anyone...that I am taken care of, bill wise (have been for almost 2years)....Inheritance...(that last two years)
Well, I remember two years ago...I was on my floor crying and praying for like two days...I had no idea where rent would come from and I "wanted help"...I was literally on my floor with my phone book calling rehabs one day....and as I was on the floor praying I was thinking, and I remember this clearly...I wrote it out..."what it would take for me to go to rehab...."
It was if someone could loan me one thousand dollars, just for one month so when I got out I would still have my place and I would have time to pay the rent, keeping my job if possible......
Well, guess what God did for me (maybe, this is way I feel bad).....that month my rent and a new apartment were given to me....rent free where I live now....and its very nice...
And guess what I have done with my life....NOTHING....I just sat back and drank...I have had a job, part-time, but I have done NOTHING....
I feel soooo awful when I think about it...
I know its never too late and it has to stop SOON, but one chapter is about to close and I am scared...
Change that "SOON" to "NOW" and you're all set Ashley.
You deserve it and it is worth it. You just have to take action.
Billy
Just do what you have to do, and get on with living.
God bless !
Hugs, desertgal1
I inherited a reasonably substantial sum of income property from my grandfather in the 80s. Thank God I don't know how I would have been able to deal with my health and support myself other wise. From 95 to 2005 I only worked 5 hours a day as it was all I had energy for. I had to retire at age 50 because it had gotten to the point I simply had no life outside of those 5 hours a day and I wasn't even making it to work 75% of the time I was so tired and nauseated.
I have been truly blessed by God. Whenever I start thinking about how much pain, suffering, surgery, etc I always try and remember that I could be going through this and be destitute.
Each of us carries our own special burdens and blessings it's how we use them that counts.
Desertgal is right. AA is a tool you can use right now and a sponsor would DEFINITELY help. Motivation and a desire to stop is very clear in your post so you have already thought about this. Now is a great time to do something about it!
We're not meant to be "taken care of" . Just don't drink , get to a meeting and take it one day at a time.
Joel
I am still messing up a lot
But another big point was I never really connected the two....me, begging and praying on my floor, mostly for the money....I got it...and well I think god taught me a lesson....its NOT about the money but shesh, if I would of gotten sober two years ago, and this money, I could of had sooo many nice things and so much more of a life....I mean vacations and such...comfort level....but my only comfort was in drinking in my nice apartment and peeing on everything I had that was nice...lol, but not really....
Okay, so I am not sure if AA alone is it for me...I did it for 30 days, well like 3 a week...AI know that slow for a beginner but I just DO NOT know how to reach out...I was always the kid in the back of the class and I became the girl in the back of the room....
Do I need rehab, I think I know I can stop but I always start again and I am just not sure what it going to take for me to FINALLY stop all together....
I love change but changing myself is the hardest thing I have ever tried to do
When i stopped drinking that was what I missed, the fantasy of what I wanted it to be like, rather than the grim reality of what it was actually like.
Maybe the worst is yet to come??
I am extremely fear-based when it comes to GOD. Some things has happened to me that are not coincidence. The fear of letting my HP'er down sometimes keeps my drinkin' thinkin' right.
There is no doubt that money deliver's no serenity.