I don't talk about others, at least not in an offensive way. My sponser calls me names sometimes but I know he's just joking!

Peace!

Hi Dark. When I first sobered up, it was much easier for me to take your inventory, than mine. Gossip in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous can keep some from coming back in.

I don't have to be the one gossiping to be guilty of this. Even if I listen to it, I am taking an active part in it.

When I work with someone and they attempt to talk about others, I let them know that we can't do anything about others so let's keep the focus on you. I do the same thing in the rooms. Actually, people normally don't gossip around me because they know I'll speak up. We in AA must remember that words have the power to kill. But, as with all things, it is a learning process. Oh, and BTW, there are times to shoot the messenger. That "well meaning friend" who carries the news to someone what was said about them.

Dark, there is really nothing to be done about others gossiping about me. If confronted, the offender would probably deny it. I just let it go since I'm powerless over others. The people who have what I want aren't going to participate in the gossip from people who claim to be doing it out of "love & concern"

I don't know about the AA community too much, but in general I know there is a difference when speaking about someone to distract from one's problems (gossip) versus trying to help them. One can "act" like they're concerned and talk crap about someone with the hidden agenda of drama and even cruelty. It is of potential benefit when someone is discussing another for there benefit. This can be uncomfortable, a leap of faith, and in the spirit of love. The rest is gossip and banter.

I would say also that the way I handle it is to ignore it and know it is not about me anyhow. Or be flattered that someone even gives a crap enough to think of me :)

I don't talk about other people, period. i don't' want it happening to me so i don't do it to them. Besides, no true 12 stepper would be caught in such a harmful act.

I do not care much what others say about me,my sponsor tells me it is none of my business if someone gossips about me,because they will gossip about someone else next week
and he says
if I think they are bad now,I should have seen them before they quit drinking
lol

here, here

The longer I stay sober the less I seem to gossip, and the more I stay away from the gossipers, hell I am just an alcoholic, but when you see people gossip they are revealing there own shortcomings, if they are sober for a length of time and still doing it, well they probably don't work a good program. Gossip hurts people, even when they say it's non of my business what others think about me, but it still hurts at times, so we must practice the saying, "what others think about me is non of my business". My sponsor always told me they were seeing there own shortcomings, so that is why it wasn't any of my business. I see people sometimes with alot of sobriety do it and I just shake my head, I mean the newcomers are scared enough without that going on for sure.But there is alot of people still staying sober but very ill.

After I'd been sober for a while I had to change the way I interacted with my family. We seemed to just spend a lot of time talking about the family memers who weren't there. It took some adjustment for me and them. I mean guys don't consider ourselves gossips but what the hell was that? That was pretty much my ammends for gossip ( or just trashing people ) , I just try not to do it much.
In the rooms there is a fine line between real concern and gossip sometimes, but I think it fades with time.
For example, I've spent years trying to get a rumor about me having an affair with Christy Brinkley off the ground. No luck though! For some reason no one will believe it! LOL

The one thing I have found over the last few 8 months is that hanging out with people who gossip may bring out the gossiper in you.

The best thing to do is to either stay away from people who gossip or make it clear to the one's who do (who you are with) that you are not interested in gossiping about others.

You can try changing the subject when gossip starts to surface or you can ask the person who is gossiping how they are affected by the person they are gossiping about.