Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
I didn't get to share in my meeting today. The topic was the JOYS of sobriety, specifically aimed at the old timers who have been through all the ups and downs.
Got me thinking. I am still in that place where it is bliss to do the things every normal functional human being does, like laundry and housecleaning. It brings me pleasure when I realize I am capable of functioning. I still struggle some days so I still appreciate these little accomplishments.
It may not be "joyful" yet but it is different. I spent my whole life avoiding real relationships with people. The other day, I suddenly realized that other people MATTER. A year ago, people "in the know" would be upset if I drank but no one in my everyday life had any clue - If I disappeared for a week bender, it didn't really matter.
Today, I have relationships with people. It feels as though my sobriety is no longer just about me. This doesn't bring me joy as much as fear. Had I realized what was happening, I might have kept better distance from people. It is pretty nice though to wake up and feel like a part of life, and all of a sudden at that. I dunno.
It also struck me today that I had no idea what life was, and I seem to have nothing to do with it unfolding before me lately.
It is SO incredibly weird to feel like where the hell have I been for the past 30+ years. Honest to God it feels like a total rebirth. Kind of unsettling but I am not fighting it. Different is good I think.
Got me thinking. I am still in that place where it is bliss to do the things every normal functional human being does, like laundry and housecleaning. It brings me pleasure when I realize I am capable of functioning. I still struggle some days so I still appreciate these little accomplishments.
It may not be "joyful" yet but it is different. I spent my whole life avoiding real relationships with people. The other day, I suddenly realized that other people MATTER. A year ago, people "in the know" would be upset if I drank but no one in my everyday life had any clue - If I disappeared for a week bender, it didn't really matter.
Today, I have relationships with people. It feels as though my sobriety is no longer just about me. This doesn't bring me joy as much as fear. Had I realized what was happening, I might have kept better distance from people. It is pretty nice though to wake up and feel like a part of life, and all of a sudden at that. I dunno.
It also struck me today that I had no idea what life was, and I seem to have nothing to do with it unfolding before me lately.
It is SO incredibly weird to feel like where the hell have I been for the past 30+ years. Honest to God it feels like a total rebirth. Kind of unsettling but I am not fighting it. Different is good I think.
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I invited Bill to have dinner with me last Sunday. He wasn't willing to drive 7 hours to mid Michigan and teased me with his beautiful ribs!!! So, of course I ate alone and had cedar salmon
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
Then I think, very quickly-that this is my path, warts and all, and I need to embrace it today. Not dwell on should ofs.
Life is about joy and heartache-we alkis seem to think all we want is joy and forget about heartache-blech! But is is all encompassing in sobriety, and pain can be very significant in grownth, as long as you don't drink it away.
Some of the most embarrassing painful crap I have been through with teaching has been the most enlightening and growing experiences. I thought I would never ever have been able to face the scrutiny and the very raw critiques of my faults. It almost crushed me. But then.....when I thought I was going to crumble with my insecurities and self hate-something inside cliqued and said "no-you are doing your best, be gentle on yourself-screw those haters.. " :P
Love ya. xo
In my meeting today the word "why" came up a few times and made me think of a few things you mentioned, ( which a friend with 34 years) told me early on that I should take that word right out of my vocabulary which I took to heart. The way I see it "it is what is" acceptance. Today I don't have to figure this whole damn recovery process all at once.
A, made my day :=))
Topic the other day was fear and I had a realization that I am really sort of overcome by it all. But I also realized that, while it may not be as comfortable, it is actually easier to be afraid than it is to fight everything and everyone. It is WEIRD to me not to be struggling for control over everything. And it is pretty crazy to realize I am still okay NOT in control. I guess it is hard to say it feels good yet, but it is "interesting" for sure.
And yea, there is a cautiously optimistic gratitude in here... It is difficult to trust that which I don't understand. Last time I did share in a mtg I described myself as grateful but "dazed and confused". Sobriety baffles me lately. But I AM okay.
Anyway, great post, great progress, and keep us posted.