Alcoholism Support Group

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Isolation or protecting??

Ashley8888
Ashley8888
So, I am thinking about going to my cousins house to hang out....Her husband may have one beer or two.....my cousin used to be my bestfriend and I miss her and want to hang out with them, but then again I dont because it is easy to sit in my place and be lazy....I feel like I am isolating by not going......but I know also that I will want to have a beer too....they will offer and right now they do not know I have a drinking problem....dont feel like going into all that with them tonight....I just dont know....its hard to be social sober times....It used to be so much easier with a beer in my hand.....it was fun with a beer in my hand now I am not sure if it will be....I usually dont drink over there, they dont but her husband did tell me he was picking some up and I told him not to worry about me.....
Oh, I just dont know if I should go or not....I need to see my friends more and ignoring them....I love them...but I could also sit at home and watch TV and be perfectly okay with that....but am I just afraid to be around people for long periods when I am sober? am I isolating?
sorry for rambeling, but does anyone else isolate a lot when they are sober?
deleted_user
deleted_user
If you go the chances are highly likely that you will drink just like last week when your old drinking buddy was in town. Some relationships are going to have to be put aside for awhile if you really want to stay sober. If you go over ther you have already made a subconscious decision to drink. The I miss them is not really what your subconscious is saying. It's really saying I miss the beer.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Sorry but it sounds like your setting yourself up again. Why not go to that meeting you were talking about instead. And don't you think it is time to "come out of the closet" seems like that is what got you in trouble the last time.
m8bear
m8bear
I think you have answered your own question here by posting this - seems you know it is not right to go there where you are fearful and will be under pressure. So, how about politely saying no for tonight and inviting them to your place tomorrow? Tell them they dont need to bring anything, just themselves. Then you have control of the situation.

It is about staying safe but also doing things. I now go for meals with friends (and drink fizzy water). It works for me. I dont go near pubs and I am having to 'plan' Christmas this year as I dont want to do what I have always done as I am fearful I will get the same results...ie. blind drunk.

Be true to yourself and have a peaceful night :)
deleted_user
deleted_user
Forgive me for saying this, but what is wrong with saying, no thanks I quit drinking. If they are family or or good friends they most likely know you had a problem, and will support you however you choose to live your lives. Isolation is one of the worst thing we as alcoholics can do,(gives us too much time to think). Be honest, but you don't need to go into details, that is for your sponsor. Go have fun, be honest and leave when it becomes uncomfortable.
Ashley8888
Ashley8888
Thank you all...I am staying in tonight, telling her I have to work in the morning....she will understand....another night....I know it would be tempting to drink.....its kind of funny but we were going to take pictures tonight...it sounds silly but husband is a really good photographer....Ive been wanting him take pics of me ....and my cousin was going to too....I am not feeling as confident I as I wish I were though and I know this would help but not yet confident enough with my drinking or self...lol....There will be other times.
limogesguy
limogesguy
when i was home this summer, i had some college friends coming into town for the weekend. we've always been big drinking buddies. a couple of days before they came, i sent them an e-mail telling them that i had quit drinking, was going to aa, and just wanted them to know before they got there so they wouldn't be "freaked out." it turned out to be a great move b/c they had some time to let that sink in before we had to talk about. we had a great weekend--even went to a couple of bars to play pool. we joked about how this was the first time we'd ever had a completely sober dd.

at that point, b/c i was going to lots of meetings, i was completely unphased by being around alcohol. but, for me, i had to tell all my friends and family that i had quit drinking b/c i knew that, if i didn't, i'd be uneasy with myself feeling like i was keeping something secret that might make them uneasy.

this was just the right move for me and i knew that it was right b/c it FELT RIGHT. sense in yourself what feels right, or the most right, and trust your gut.
JoeTex
JoeTex
Do yourself a favor and get a sponsor.
Ashley8888
Ashley8888
I know limogesguy.....I need to "come out of the closet"...lol.. to all of my friends who are going to remain in my life.....I want them to know, but I am so worried about judgment....I mean some of, most, know I am not a good drunk anyways, so this would probable not shock them too much....they know I have quiet in the past, but never made much of it.....I think you have a good idea too....doing it in an e-mail might be a little easier...they can get used to the idea then we can talk about it, if they want to....I am going to work on this....my "pride", is illogical...I am trying to better my life...be happier and better.....I have to remind myself that this does not make me a weak person....I am stronger for taking control back of my life...alcohol did not beat me, I am beating it....or something like that...lol.....
i need to tell those in my life and not be ashamed....thanks limo...
deleted_user
deleted_user
Auctioneer makes a good point. The only difference I have with what he said would be that I would suggest that if offered a beer, you simply say "No, thank you." That is a complete sentence. It does not have to be followed with the word, "because......" I always thought everyone noticed if I drank. After all, I always checked out what others were drinking and how much. However, the reality finally got through. My having or not having a drink was MUCH more important to me than to anyone else.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Some of us need extra help, to get ourselves right. It always seems to me that your brain is all over the place.
Maybe it's time to make a decision?????
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hello sister! I'm seeing a pattern here from this post and past posts: social fear. What if coworkers want to go out after work, a cousin to celebrate, now to hang out... What are you afraid of dear? Being around others drinking and it tempting you? Are you afraid you will not appear as "fun" "relaxed" and laid back? Something else? Those are my issues with interacting with others at times. I get anxious, especially if I'm not in a real good mood. I think, "Oh a couple of drinks and I would be more charming." But you know Ashley, I'm finding out the more and more I interact with others without alcohol, the easier it gets. I just have to accept and respect my mood, the initial anxiety passes and I usually have a good time. The best part Ashley, I'm interacting with others without a few drinks and becoming more and more "normal" and less and less reliant on the drink. Good luck sister, small steps, lunch with a friend at Subway (no alcohol there), no pressure and get back into being around others. Peace sister.