If he showed up to the treatment center sober and lied to the them about his drinking (lying like he normally does), and this was his 1st DUI and it was a fluke thing because ________. There is some possibility the treatment center told him he needed to limit his consumption to 2/3 beers a day, and if he could not he needs further treatment.

As you say you are not familiar with this stuff Ala-Non is a great source of info and support. I wish you well.

Hello jokiwhau,

It is impossible to second guess what the people at the treatment centre would have told your husband but his story does sound a bit fishy. Regardless of what he was or was not told, it all boils down to whether or not he can drink safely or if he is an alcoholic.

From my limited knowledge I would think that it would be quite difficult to make a definite clinical evaluation as to whether someone is an alcoholic or not but there are questionnaires that will give a good indication, depending of course on the honesty of the person answering the questions. It may well be that your husband is not an alcoholic and if that is the case he could probably drink 2-3 beers per night without too much harm being done. Your own experience of your husbands drinking will tell you more than any expert and there are a few simple things to watch out for. Does he drink every night or most nights or can he happily go without drinking some nights? When he takes a drink, does he stop at a few drinks or does one drink lead to many more? Does he sneak off to have an extra drink, for example throwing back some spirits when he goes to buy drinks at the bar? Does he hide alcohol in the house? Those are just a few of the actions of a person who has lost control over drinking.

Why not call the treatment centre and ask them. They may not divulge information to you on the grounds of patient confidentiality but since alcoholism is a family illness you have a right to know. Failing that, visit the centre with your husband and talk to them together.

Judge Judy (rather unfairly) on teenagers: How do you know when a teenager is lying?
Answer: Watch them carefully and when their lips move, they are lying.
While I would disagree with the judges low opinion of teenagers, it is a test that could well be applied to active alcoholics. Go with your gut feeling.

I worked at a treatment center for 10 yrs. I was a Charge RN on the unit but also evaluated patients for admission.

Treatment centers are businesses. They help many people but they are there to make money. If your husband had gone to be evaluated, NO ONE would have told him 2-3 beers a night was ok. Alcoholics lie and I think yours told you a whopper.

Odds are astronomical that he didn't even go to the treatment center.

Well 2 beers a night sounds fine for a man, who isn't alcoholic. As an alcoholic I was never interested in the moderate dose... I couldn't stop at one or two.

My point was that it would be highly improbable that anyone who evaluated patients for admission would tell him that. They wouldn't think he came to be evaluated for singin' too loud in the choir.

That drinking issue that you said was one of the reasons for being separated along with the DUI he got point towards a drinking problem. If he has any kind of drinking issue he does not need to be drinking anything.
You might try contacting the treatment center and asking if they would recommend that a person that was sent there with first DUI drink 2-3 beers a night. Ask him to go there with you, bet he will not agree. LOL

You are separated. His drinking is his problem not yours. Focus on improving the quality of your life.

Great comments and advice - thanks everyone!

Counselors do the drug and alcohol intake here and you usually have to be refered by a doctor or get there through the ER. Maybe I'm wrong but that's the way I understood it at the time and that was 6 years ago.

If you are having bad withdrawals they will usually take you in immediately from the ER but to get into detox which is where we go before outpatient treatment. They have 3 rotating outpatient classes which last 5 hours a day for 3 weeks. Each class has 2 counselors who are pretty clever and can tell when someone is lying or minimizing.

I bet your husband never even went. Ask him for the name of the person who interviewed him! We all have to be evaluated at intake so they will know how to treat us or what problems we are going through which predispose us to addiction! In my case, it was ptsd and a bad marriage, so I got to see a psychologist while I was in treatment.

No counselor I know would say 2-3 beers a day is ok because thats not the only problem. There can be a host of other problems stemming from alcohol usage which would give us the label of alcoholic. My intake took about 2 hours....there were that many questions!

I also highly recommend al anon. They will help you deal with a loved ones addiciton.

God Bless!

Bob, treatment centers have doctors who come in to do the History & Physical and labs come in daily to draw blood. At least here in Texas.

joki, like Impermanence said, problem now is his. I hope you at least check out the Al-Anon program out to see what it has to offer.

Ok. I have had a small very small amount of experience. It probably happened. From what I know about the folks running these programs, they have some experience with alcohol. Many ex-drinkers...many alcoholics. 2 is ok for a man, 1 for a woman a day....Wouldn't say it's healthy but normal. There is evidence or research that backs it up.. Sigh...T4L

They probably said 2 to 3 per night was okay because they don't know what else to say.

It's also very possible your husband is lying so he can continue drinking without guilt and remorse.

Also, very possible he lied on the evaluation and did not tell them the whole story. If he's alcoholic, he most likely did not tell the complete truth.

You can't change him. You can only change you and how you view the world.

I can't imagine any treatment center saying that 2 -- 3 beers is okay to a person who got a DUI.

Way too much liability. I agree that it is more likely that he is lying to you about it.