My mother can be this way...seem calm for a long time then totally lose it. Especially with my father back in the 60' and 70's. Anger issues...you might think about messaging my sister CuziQ, this is here area of experience. She is one of my "friends" and has taught anger management classes.

Yes many times, i find it closely related to repressed feelings My father was the same way and i new his story. Repressed feelings Alice Miller is one of my favorite authors on childhood stuff The drama of the gifted child, Thou Shalt not be aware...Made a sense to me across the board.. with much one on one counseling and continued sober living.
Billy

Honey what's in a name? It has been implied to me that my husband is abusive because he is sick (Madonna/whore complex) and a ex-friend went so far as to say that if he is sick (which he really is!!!!) then he is hurting me accidentally.
Malicious shooting or accidental shooting doesn't matter... dead is dead.
Someone in ACOA said that to me once and it always stuck with me.

Knowing what was wrong with your father will not really give you peace. Knowing that you did not repeat his behaviour, that you broke the chain of abuse... NOW THAT.... that outta mean something to you. See what I'm saying?
You will not be judged by what others do. You will be judged by what you do.

My step father has this disorder. He's a rager. My mother will tell you he has sought help after years of abuse toward her, me, my brother and his only biological daughter. In her denial, he has reformed. It's complete insanity and bullshit. I will ramble about this because I can... so I thank you. He fiercely abused all of us in ways I will not describe.... He left my mother without telling her or anyone (twice) by serving her divorce papers in the mail while he worked out of state periodically. I took care of her while she fell apart through it all. I took care of her during the abuse. He came back after 2 years, left (divorced her again) then came back 6 yrs later...(she remarried him) and pretended he never left. He's still around now and I pray to keep a clear mind set of forgiveness and the attempt of understanding. My only brother and sibling was killed, my step father's daughter moved far away out of state and I have to pretend and behave it was normal that he came back as to please my mother.... try and remain safe while walking on eggshells not knowing what the heck was going to or might happen.. Screwed me up bad for a very long time (I still have awful trembling fears of him I keep hidden and I'm still screwed up to a degree).... My AA program and therapy has helped me immensely. I'm still playing that role to a degree to continue to be close to my mother whom I love beyond words. Boundaries are a balancing act but God pulls us through it all. Acceptance through AA has brought me to a level of understanding I never thought I would or could live through. I know he drinks and smokes pot but I truly can't piece together any correlation. He has been "that way" since he came into our lives period. I know about the fear of "that face."

With all my heart, I'm sorry you and your mother went through this. Prayer for healing and freedom for you both.

Thanks guys! Dreaming, Mom has been released because she has past on. I still suffer the after effects sometimes. The walking on egg shells.I can definitely remember that feeling!!! The blank stare before the explosion is what is permenently emblazoned in my mind. It was the ONLY warning before detonation.

I still cower when I see this blank stare in someone's eyes. Alice, I may just message your sister, CuziQ, on this. I am sure others could benefit from her insight as well. I am glad I am not unique in this respect.

I understand that they use SSRI's and other neurotransmitter balancing meds now along with cognitive behavioral therapy. They say the results are amazing. I wish they had that for Dad, back in the day.

Wayne-

My father has it too. I well remember that look in his eyes before the violence. I can remember as young as four years old, my father crying afterwards, telling me to tell mommy he's sorry. When I became a teenager, he began turning his rage towards me. I haven't spoke to my father in years. I feel your pain and it effects me and my relationships to this day. I understand my father was abused as a child also, and he never saught help-so he really did the only things he knew. I don't believe it makes it ok, and I can't forgive him.

I'm sorry you had to endure this too! I don't wish it on anyone!

TasW

Yes, I personally have experienced what you are talking about as a survivor of domestic violence at it's worse. I totally agree with Wingedwolf.....it is what you do that matters so it stops. Everyone who knows is accountable.

Prior to anger mangement classes, i experienced periods of rage- blackouts from raging anger and would take a week or so to recover from the exhaustion an incident of rage would bring. I wasn't physically destructive to people, primarily to property but I was very verbally abusive, this behavior could occur with or without alcohol. I do know since i quit drinking those rage episodes became so few and far between that i sorta forgot about them until i addressed them in anger mangement classes - I personally think outta all the ocusenling, group, and therapy that I attended, anger management had to be the most benefical of all of them and so much other stuff just sorta fell into place - when i let go oanger and rage and learned to recognize things, even the realization of sobriety started to make since, 10 years afterI had stopped drinking -

I know this can be very dangerous and add alcohol or drugs to the mix and you are a walking time bomb!

Peace!