Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
I'm trashed. 51 days down the drain. I couldn't do it this time. The insanity never gave. I wore out. No excuses. I just caved. I wasn't stressed. I wasn't angry. I wasn't sad. I wasn't anything. I just got tired of wanting to drink. I got beat by the obsession. I tried to let loyalty to my friends stop me. I tried to let responsibility stop me. I tried to let my role here to newcomers stop me. I tried to find a reason to stop me. I failed because my pride got in the way. I couldn't call the same friends who saved me this past weekend. My own fault. I can't stop it. As much as I love my friends, I couldn't stop it. I apparently don't love myself enough.
It's Monday. If I wake up tomorrow somewhat sober I will go to work. If I don't, it's likely I'll drink until next Monday. It's so fucked up these binges, but I know myself. I have it all worked out. Stomach virus. It will cost me $1200 to miss work this week. THAT is my obsession, my craving. THAT I can't control anymore after taking the first drink.
I found my husband's stash of vicodin. While I was still sober enough to think clearly, I flushed them along with all the painkillers and muscle relaxers I could find in the house. I am at least safe from that.
I'm sorry to all I've let down. I'll be back when I snap out of this.
It's Monday. If I wake up tomorrow somewhat sober I will go to work. If I don't, it's likely I'll drink until next Monday. It's so fucked up these binges, but I know myself. I have it all worked out. Stomach virus. It will cost me $1200 to miss work this week. THAT is my obsession, my craving. THAT I can't control anymore after taking the first drink.
I found my husband's stash of vicodin. While I was still sober enough to think clearly, I flushed them along with all the painkillers and muscle relaxers I could find in the house. I am at least safe from that.
I'm sorry to all I've let down. I'll be back when I snap out of this.
There IS a reason for what you are doing. I know only because I've been there.
The only thing I can say is try to just go to sleep.
I hope you get some sleep and wake up well enough to go to work.
If we withdraw something from our lives, in this case booze and the whole lifestyle that goes with it, we MUST fill up the void with proactive recovery - oodles of it - I mean we drank oodles, so we must put in as much or more effort into recovery as we did into drinking. If we don't fill that void with constructive recovery, in my view it is inevitable that we will drink - it is the natural fallback position of an alcoholic. And sadly more people take that fallback position and destroy everything around them and then it takes their lives. I know that's not cheery, but I'd be doing you a disservice if I watered it down. So please regroup and GO TO ANY LENGTHS TO GET SOBER AND STAY SOBER.
Praying for ya.
Chris
With being alone this week, and saying that you scare yourself when drunk these days....this is not a good idea. You're better than than girl, pick yourself off & get your shit together. Don't spend this week in a drunken stupor, you're worth more than that!!
Love ya Olive
1) You have had a dose of AA now, it will haunt you even in the best attempts of normal drinking. The before, during and after thoughts are killers.
2) Your road is your road, nobody else suffers the same way. Learn from it.
3) You throwing the pills away was pretty powerful, find that power and use it.
You have every opportunity to make up that 1200.00, unless you decide to sit around make no decisions and remain in this funk.
If a decision is not made, I assure you that you haven't seen nothing yet.
I do have to say I roll with AA's design for living, can't sell it short. Not entirely but mostly.
You can do it, you just have to trudge, keep your expectations low, and breathe. lates.
Don't worry about letting others down......I think you put in a lot of that sober time for yourself and you just don't realize it.
Now you have another example of your powerlessness and how you need a solution other than your own power to deal with the mental obsession.
Hopefully this will become an experience that boosts your willingness to pursue the solution available. Be kind to yourself and take the easy way, which is in my experience the steps, not trying to stay sober on my own power or drinking.
Read chapter 3 of the big book - More About Alcoholism - you will find yourself and this experience in those pages.
When you are ready, take care of yourself first. Deal with what you can and let the rest wait. Onlly you can make you sober, but there are lots of people and resources to help.