Seems like a no brainer.

And since it's not love that I can ever attain, I should probably blame something else. Ok. "I am damaged."

I need some excuse for NOW to drink.

It's interesting some of the most lovable and loved people in the world FEEL unloved. Stems from within.

Maybe gratitude. I say I am grateful. It is more likely I will mourn what you don't have than celebrate what I do have.

Ideas?

C'mon peeps. Read me.

Are you sure? It could hurt.....but not mean-like

Ummm... Yes Pat. If you mean, do I want to hear ideas.... yes anyway.

Uhh Tiffiany. I'm unfriending you again. I had no idea you were blonde.

Are there any other blondes out there that think they are my friend?

Buddha-

A good friend who points out mistakes and imperfections and rebukes evil, is to be respected as if he reveals a secret of hidden treasure.

I'm so blonde I have white-out on my computer screen.

with love-

You are looking outside yourself for fulfillment. You have so very many friends to keep you from looking at yourself...where would you find time to soul-search when you are the social butterfly.

ok hope I just pointed out something...just something to consider as I want you sober.

((HUGS))

I agree with Pat. That hole has to be filled with love. Your love that you give to others, that you give to woman who didn't give you the love you needed the way you needed it.

And there is another quote attributed to Buddha that fits:

You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.

Thanks Pat. I do so love to fix everyone else. There is nothing more engaging to me than discussing solutions to someone else's problems. You are right. To a T. I am driven to distraction.

And you are on track with what I am saying here... I seek to fill an unfillable hole. I long to fix the past. I have an insatiable desire to attain the unattainable.

I am reading a book... "When the Past is Present" ...I haven't gotten past the title page :-p and already it makes sense. (ha)

This isn't entirely about me. I see it in my friends. We seek to fulfill something that would seem to me ought to be let go of.

I dunno.

Honesty always for me, Pat. I like it that way. I sometimes bite but in the end I am grateful for the honest truth.

Nice ExJ.

I wish somehow this were not directed to me. I am really just acknowledging an idea based on my own experience.

Someone said TO me today, "I feel unloved" and it made me think "gosh so do I sometimes" and then I told another friend that my mom said she loved me last night. That is the first time in my life she has said that to my face. Made me think.

I didn't feel her love. She didn't SEEM to love me when I was a kid. I still FEEL unloved because I missed that then. I don't trust it. It created a longing. My FEELING unloved now is just a feeling. I am loved now. I know it.

I just think holes carried from childhood to adulthood need to be recognized for what they are. We can't change the past.

i'm a blonde but it comes out of a bottle and, i am not drunk.
i can only ascertain what i'm reading here.my dad was alcoholic and spent his days in bars and pubs. my mother was bitter, neglectful cruel because, it was all about her. her life, happiness, monitery riches etc.no " i love you" no hugs or did you have a good day. nada. nothing. my dad loved us but couldn't express it. my mom did by belittling my father to us. i knew when i was 12 i would never ever marry and i've not changed my mind.

these years of addiction have been a result of such parenting. the moment i could get free of those 2 i did. i do not blame them for what happened to me but i do severely chastise them for having children they hadn't a clue how to show love to.

Devon.... I am a remedial hugger at best.

When I was 15 or so, friends' parents started hugging me and I had to teach myself... Do I go left or right? What do I do with my arms? What do I do with my hands? How long do I hold it? Do I initiate one ever? Is it wrong if I don't initiate it? Do people I love think that I don't if I don't hug them? On the way to a friend's house I had to think about it to prepare. Sometimes I would just stay far enough away that I wouldn't have to hug anyone.

Neither of my parents ever said "I love you" to me ever.

I could analyze the effects my distant depressed alcoholic father had on me for sure. Another time.

I am not making my point very well.

There is not a single person I know that is not loved by someone. I know lots of people who feel unloved. I have felt unlovable ever since feeling my parents didn't love me. How would I know otherwise? Yea, I seek to fill that void, but until I accept it, it will never go away.

I am making less sense the more I talk.

More blondes can chime in now. Oh, and I do have blonde streaks too. Maybe that's my problem.

Az. Thanks for being honest. I want to be loved, but I often fantasize having nothing and no one so that I can just drink and drug alone. It's the thing I don't understand about my alcoholism. I love people. I love my family. I love my friends. But I "wish" sometimes they would leave me alone too so that I could self destruct. Wouldn't you think SELF love would have to come first? Don't ask me - I don't get it.

...But I think therein lies the key, so bingo blondie. ...or wait, did you say that or not. Maybe not. ExJ with her quote... maybe.

Love can't be found in the past or even in the future. People are so preoccupied with what they can't find... I think I have love now if I want it and I think self love is where it starts.

I need other than self love. Makes me think... I love the reflection I see in my friends' eyes only. Nuther topic.

Thanks for entertaining my ramble. I am all over the place today.

Glad you are not drunk Devon. xo

My HP exactly fitted into that hole. It's gone.

Maybe it's not so much filling the hole but letting it heal itself over by not doing anything that will sustain it/damage you.

Many people do replace addiction with religion/a powerful relationship and other things. You don't stop being obsessive when you stop drinking I guess!

I am going for the slow heal. I've been sober over 9 months now and there are still so many things to face but I have the confidence to face things at least. I am much more open to other people. Perhaps I am a better mum. I'm probably not a better partner because I've sobered up and things are in that respect are suddenly harder - I'm kind of thinking ' is this for the rest of my life?'

So difficult to not just think sometimes 'IS THIS IT?!' But if I wait a while I normally get a some good moments too.

Glad to see some familiar faces still hanging out here. sister D x

Oh and I make sure I tell my kids I love them all the time! I worry about their dad - not that he doesn't love them, and he will express that too, but he is quite depressed.

I think a defining relationship was the one I have with my father and the complete lack of real love/understanding and compassion on his part. But I know I can't change him, fix our relationship so I just stay well away - whenever I do have to see him it causes ripples in the pond for weeks afterward.