Never ever be ashamed. Its got its claws in all of us. I am 49 years old and have suffered fro Alcoholism since I was 21. I have 20 days sober. This definitely isn't my first time trying to get sober. AA is not for everyone. i encourage you to try Smart Recovery. They have Online meetings. Its a different approach to addictions.They also have meetings in your area. Don't be so hard on yourself . Just keep trying. Anyway I can help you I will . Don't be scared. Be calm. Please write more detail in regards to your fears so i can get a better picture of what it is you are feeling so I can help you.

Thank you for replying. It's just one of those days that I really need support. I'm fearful that I'm going to ruin a life I worked so hard to get. I know alcoholism gets progressively worse.

Pavlov you've been here for a while. Glad to see you're still fighting. AA was tremendous for me. Changed my life and got me around people who made incredible transformations.

Have you looked at meetings?

P7 doing nothing and trying to stay sober is not a good idea. When I just tried to live sober and do nothing I was not successful. I had to have distractions till I learned/discovered strategies to work through the allure of drinking. For me, how you discover those strategies is not as important as getting off my arse and doing something. As CoogeMum would say GOYA, get off you arse.

I wish you well

G8

When I was sober for 35 days I was working out and reading every day. I would also hike on the weekends. Unfortunately that was not enough to help me stay sober. I am very eager to start counseling. I've gone to AA meetings before and dislike the format, but I'm going to try them again.

It took me about 30 years to finally decide I couldn't do it on my own. I think that's a big part of this issue is independence. I was fiercely independent and the thing was booze worked at taking me out for along time , but eventually it stopped working. That was the worst when I couldn't live drinking and I couldn't live not drinking. It was a horrible place. But June 9 12 I walked into a meeting and decided I was going to do what it took to get sober. That's the difference this time is I am getting something not missing out on something. It's in the mindset. The mind can be trained , just like working out, I needed to go to daily meetings and eventually I was able to understand why I drank so hard. I am different, I'm an alcoholic and if I have 1 I crave more. But if I don't start the horrible merry go round never starts. It is possible but you gotta change the mindset. Cmon
1is2many

It's funny because when I stopped for 35 days everyone on here told me it would be difficult to do it alone. They also told stories about how they would stop and start again thinking they could try drinking in moderation. For me, stopping was really easy. Staying stopped was the hard part. I know I still need to come to terms with the fact that alcohol needs to not be a part of my life from now on. I was upset about this before thinking, I want to be one of those people who can enjoy a few glasses of wine on Friday night. I know that will never be an option for me.

Coming to the conclusion that the only option is to Quit drinking was just the first little baby step. Quitting & Staying Quit is the lifelong ambition that never ends until the final heartbeat. So many people struggle throughout life with it, but it would be so nice to simply accept it and move on. That's my objective and it requires Herculean strength... Or at least Daily Strength.

Discipline ends after you take the first drink. The compulsion takes over, which overrides willpower.

Agree with impermanence. It isn't the last drink that trips us up. It's the first one. Glad you're giving AA a go again. There were a few times in my first year of sobriety I thought I might be able to be a normal drinker. Thankfully the stories at meetings kept me sober. Now I'm grateful
Never to drink again. Or at least not today.

Hey Pavlov,
From reading the stories here I finally realized that I could not enjoy a few glasses of wine on Friday night. It ALWAYS turned into multiple bottles. This group 'scared me sober'. I log in EVERY morning here and even if I don't post, I read the latest stories. I post yesterday's number on my calendar, and say that I will not drink today, and thank God for yesterday's success. This has been what works for me. I am over 100 days sober now, and at times it has been easy, but there have recently been challenges in my life. I have the knowledge of an AA meeting 5 minutes from home if I ever feel I need it.
Keep trying!!! I had a lot of failed attempts before, like everybody else here. Joining this group had given me the daily strength I have needed so far. Good luck to you!!!

Hello Pavlov7,

Your post is one that I could have written, word for word over eight years ago when I was exactly where you are now. Yet, I have not had a drink since that time and life has changed completely. In those eight years I have also seen many people who were in an even worse place than I was turn their lives around and recover from alcoholism.

For some people all it takes is a decision to stop drinking, while others use a variety of techniques including those that you have mentioned such as reading and keeping busy. The trouble is that while this approach may work for some, it is completely useless for many others. An added twist is that those who can stay sober without help cannot understand why everyone else should not do the same and they sometimes pour scorn on many of the suggestions that have actually worked for those hopeless alcoholics, including the AA approach.

You are now at a place where you may want to give serious consideration to anything that can help you to beat the drinking problem. You have no doubt put a great deal of honest effort into the quest for sobriety and you have sincerely given it your best shot, only to finally conclude that you cannot do it on your own.

I am not being arrogant or egotistical when I say that I have gained a lot of experience in helping a good few people in AA to find their way to recovery. The success of these people (and the failure of some) is in no way down to any gift or special talent or lack of the same on my part as I am only the messenger. The reason that I mention it is because I want you to know that from my experience, I am completely confident that you can recover from alcoholism, providing that you have a strong desire for sobriety and are willing to do whatever it takes.

By all means, follow up on all of the suggestions that you will get here and do whatever you think will work for you. However, if I were in your place, I would go back to AA and copy what has worked for so many alcoholics who had lost all hope. Meetings are good and an important part of the AA support structure but meetings alone will not necessarily solve the alcohol problem. Recovery from alcoholism is a complex issue and it often requires a big change in attitudes, opinions and outlook. In order to bring about this psychic change, it is advisable to enlist the help of someone who has travelled the road before you, i.e. a sponsor.

Over eight years ago, I was drinking all day, every day and had lost all hope for the future. I had a strong belief in my own ability to solve the problem but finally had to admit that I could not do it on my own. I was determined not to have anything to do with AA but when it became impossible to live with or without alcohol, I went to a meeting. After that, I copied what had worked for other once hopeless alcoholics. You can do it too.

P.S. I seem to have resolved a variety of technical problems that came from a PC crash and phone failure and will no longer need to post under the username, Rua77 that I was recently using. Apologies to anyone I may have unintentionally misled by using a different log-on name. The guy with the annoying long posts is back and you are all welcome to read or use that helpful ‘Ignore’ feature. Have a nice day.

Get help whether it be AA, a therapist or another group of sober people. Support is so important! Then like someone else says make the decision not to drink today, even when I am struggling if I have made that decision I am not one to go back on it. Key is to not take that first drink.

Thanks for the responses everyone. It's been a stressful time; I moved today, I just found out my mom may have cancer and work has been crazy. Tonight I was tempted by the half bottle of wine in my kitchen. I actually poured it down the sink and am very proud of me. I'm writing here now because my boyfriend is in bed next to me enjoying some drinks. it makes it more difficult :/

Blimey Pavlov that is sure a challenge, your b/f next to you in bed sipping - rock on you for not succumbing.
I keep dipping in and out of here to see what is happening. I think the last post I wrote was before I got a grip on it. I am just past two weeks of having one single small glass of wine as a nightcap. Before that I tapered down to avoid any nasties. It is working really well and I hope it will continue. I don't want to drink in the day, but then I never have. AA did not appeal to me.
What I love the most is the clear head all day and being able to get back into my lovely car and drive now I am not hungover and not over the limit from the night before. I can do lunch with my mate again. It makes me smile to know that my organs are saying "thank you so much for giving us a break". I hope to continue like this and the more the days go on, the more I don't want to ruin it all and then have to start again. If I do relapse, I will be open and honest and post it.
I never thought I would get this far after 40 years of daily drinking - it can be done.
G.