Alcoholism Support Group

Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.

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Ashley8888 09/30/2008

I have been thinking about this and not quiet sure how to go about it...

My cousins 30th birthday is coming up and we are suppose to go out...we always go out with each other on our birthdays, always....and this year she is also going through a recent divorce, I know she just wants to go out and party and get her mind off everything....She was there for me on my 30th too, (which was the last time I drank), and I want to be there for her too. she called me the other night, told me about the divorce and wanted to make sure we were still going out...I told her yes because I didnt know what eles to say.....I can not tell her I have stopped drinking, it would get around the family and back to my mother,who I do NOT want to know....we are not close and she blows everything out of porportion. And my cousin is not the type to want to just go to dinner, she want to go OUT and party...I am the only one going, I think......if I go that is. I do not think I am ready to be in a bar right now, I do not see myself being able to not drink....actually I know I would....
I just really want to be there for her and I do not know what to do.....I know I am not her only friend but I do not think she has any friends her age that want to go out with her and this is OUR tradition.....What do I do now????
I have actually thought about just drinking that one night but I know it is not worth throwing away everything I worked so hard for but I do not know what to do....help!!!

deleted_user 09/30/2008

You are on the right track - it is not worth throwing away everything you worked so hard for. What you can do is simply go out and enjoy yourself, WITHOUT taking a drop. I know its incredibly hard. And if they ask why you're not drinking, you can just come up with some BS so it doesnt go back to your mom who you don't want to know. You can say you are on antibiotics, you can say you are detoxing from a wild weekend, etc etc. You get my drift..

deleted_user 09/30/2008

You gotta do what's right for you.It may be time to come clean about what you're trying to do.I've found that people will have a lot more respect for me if I go ahead and put things about me and my drinking problem out in the open.If you do wind up going out with her,have some sort of plan as to what you will do if partying with booze comes up.I've seen people get themselves into such situations and wind up drunk.It's sort of up to you,so weigh it out carefully.

deleted_user 09/30/2008

To be honest, sobernfree makes a lot of sense. The more you try to hide your drinking problem, the more chances of a relapse. I don't know, thats just my experience.

JoeTex 09/30/2008

What is more important to you?? A birthday tradition or staying sober?? I think you should tell her that you have outgrowned the party life and would care to do something different. Put the decision on her. If she wants to drink it up, party it up on her birthday, then she will have to do it with out you. If she descides that all she wants to do is go drinking and partying then perhaps the "tradition" is not as important as you might think. Dinner and movie should be enough. I know if it were someone I cared about, it is the time spent together, not what "we do" that matters.

deleted_user 09/30/2008

If you don't say something you're going to end up drinking. I suppose you could say it's "doctor's orders" but that might get back to your mother too. Maybe you can just say that things got too crazy for you had to quit.

Regardless, there's no way you can go out without telling her that you're off the sauce.

deleted_user 09/30/2008

Good evening sister! Oh geez. I can hear how much you care for her; and wow how loyal are you to even consider "partying" to "play your role" for her. I hear all of that, but I also hear you really would rather not go out, that you are not ready. Do you think you could write her a letter stating all the things you said in your post, "Tradition, being there for her with her divorce. However, you need to find another way to be there for her?" Now that might mean you have to come clean about working on some "personal issues, and getting your life under control" and yeah that could leak back to mom... but sweetheart here is the deal, "Soberiety or people please" which do you choose? If these people (cousin and mom) really love you, they would want you to make healthy choices, right? Stay strong... tough tough spot. I'm like that to with supporting those I love and would feel the same, but sometimes we do have to put ourselves first. Good luck with your choice!

mikey62 09/30/2008

I think you need to be honest with your cousin.Ask her to keep it to herself.Be honest be sober be free

deleted_user 09/30/2008

Of course you can say you consider yourself to be a designated driver. People are being convicted of DWI after only one drink.

Remember, "No thank you." is a complete sentence. It does not have to have the word "because" after it. Should someone ask Why?, your answer can be "I don't feel like drinking tonight." If that is not a good enough answer for them, tough sxxt.

My experience is that my not drinking was a MUCH bigger deal to me than to anyone else. Most people did not even notice, let alone care.

To thine own self be true.

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