I guess most of us miss those "happy days" of fun drinking. But that was so long ago for me. I continued to drink from obsession rather than enjoyment. For twenty plus years.... Good moring Marie!

that is the dis ease talking to ya.... to alcoholics one is never enough... this happens that feeling of thinking it will make you feel better....think of your last drunk and keep looking at your sister... my sister still drinks alot and i worry about her....not my choice.......hang in there...

THE BOTTLE INVENTORY PART ONE
[or WHAT WAS IN THE BOTTLE THAT I REALLY WANTED]
Think back to the last time you had the thought of taking a drink of alcohol. It could have been a fleeting notion, or it could have been a serious yearning. Do something like this:

On Wednesday, February 24, 1999, after 10 days of sobriety, I bought and drank a fifth of Jack Daniels because I thought it would:
(for example:)

1. Help me forget the pain in my leg
2. Make me feel real good.
3. Help me get my boyfriend back.
4. Give me some peace of mind.
5. Take away the pain of being alone.
6. Taste good.
7. Get me back with my pals at the pool hall, just like the good old times.
8. Give me an opportunity for some affection.
9. Inspire me to get a raise at work.


THE BOTTLE INVENTORY PART TWO
[or WHAT REALLY HAPPENED AS A RESULT OF TAKING THAT FIRST DRINK]
How did I score on getting what I wanted?
Review your list from part one. For each item of attraction write down the extent to which you actually got what you wanted.
(for example:)

1. The leg still hurt the same, but I did get a bit distracted in other things.
2. The real good feeling came and went so fast that I hardly noticed it going by.
3. I never got around to calling my boyfriend.
4. I got morose.
5. My loneliness became an obsessive preoccupation.
Etc.

THE BOTTLE INVENTORY PART THREE
If you want to learn some more, make a list of the conditions under which it will be OK for you to have a "social" drink of alcohol.
(for example:)

Can you drink again safely when:

a) you have 13 months sober
b) "he" comes back
c) the job is working fine
d) you have been to the gym and are in great shape
e) your doctor says you are healthy
g) your best friend is killed in an accident and you need some relief
h).....?

Go ahead, romance the thought of a drink for 5 minutes. Then go back over your remarks above, and convince yourself that the next time it will be different.

It's ok, Marie, this is not what you want to do.

Hi, im Lee, I felt like this a little while ago. I wanted to be normal, have a couple of drinks, be sociable, have a laugh. I had stopped taking my tablets, Campral & Antabuse, so there was no reason why I couldnt. I spoke to my family, told them how I felt and everyone was upset because they didn't want me drinking again. For a couple of days after I thought lets go for it, get pissed, lets be normal. Then I thought thats how I used to be, I nearly ruined everything I have worked for for the past 20mnths. That scared me into taking my tablets again, I also found this site which is a great help. Just think about the reason you first stopped, do you really want to go back to that, Lee.

Marie-
I just read your post and I can relate...and I struggle daily...everytime I see a commercial with people drinking or a sitcom....they make it look so easy and fun and trendy- to drink in moderation. And wine...well, with it's refined appeal and sophisticated glasses...it seems so harmless. Unless you have crossed the line and found yourself abusing it...which is where we are. To me, as a Christian, I also recognize the drink as a tool that the enemy uses to create separation between God and I. The shame, guilt, remorse and paranoia I feel the next day...well, those are feelings that the devil loves to see me consumed with. In that place...that hopeless, scared place...that is where he (the enemy) can more easily whisper in my ear that I am broken and useless and will never have the discipline it takes to stop...why bother. But you see, every day that I stand up to my addiction is a good day..a victory. And, let me tell you...even when people fall face first..we are never too far down and we are never worthless. If we sincerely ask, God will meet us where we are and give us the strength we need to start anew. His forgiveness and mercy and grace can restore us. We just have to be willing to fight the good fight. Ok, sorry if I got preachy, I just know that being forgiven and living my life with Jesus in the middle has changed who I was. Once I knocked, He opened the door and now I have tasted real freedom. I know how easy it is to feel defeated...so just understand that people really care about your struggle. I am a 39 year old woman with a husband and 3 children living a real life. I would like to live in my own little protected bubble where things are easy, but I can't. So, I lean on God and trust Him to help me through. Stay strong, Marie. I know you can do it! And don't trust what that bottle is telling you...they are all lies. Consider yourself prayed for, my friend. ~~Shelly

It's NOT what you remember it being.

Whenever I start getting resentful about not being able to drink, is when I start envisioning this Hollywood idea of a buzz:

Buy a bottle, have a few cocktails, drift around the house, wood floors shining, enjoying my beautiful furniture with jazz music playing, fix an elegant dinner - - sure, right.

Oh, yeah, I'd buy booze, but it'd be beer. I'd stagger around the house, spilling beer and cigarette ashes onto the floor, tripping over the new furniture with lit cigarette (wonder where THAT new burn came from - - and, hey, that new bruise), with Country and Western playing - - (Ya-Hoo, Texas!) - - and tear the kitchen apart making some inedible mess.

Oh, yeah, and then a) go back to the liquor store until I had no more money in my purse, or b) passed out.

Good times? Nope.

Have a great afternoon, please.

I feel like that "one" glass of wine all the time - morning, noon, and night. Sometimes I go down that road, sometimes I don't. But, I can tell you it is NEVER, EVER, EVER just "one". Its usually a whole bottle (minimum) and likely several. And, then I feel ashamed, shitty, guilty, angry at myself. When I take the drinking path, I never know what is going to turn out - fights with my husband, endangering innocent people by driving, phone conversations that I have absolutely no memory of, etc. etc. I would be a hypocrite if I preached to you about it, because I do the exact same. By the way, 13 months is fantastic! I've never been sober for even half that long! You should keep it up! And I will try to follow in your footsteps. Good luck to you.

thank you all for this am nearly cry it touch my heart i am now of never letting the bottle take over my life and i will rember all your words bigt big hugs to all xx

That's how the disease tries to get you back out there. Go to AA anyway, if you want to lose the obsession to drink.

Try and think of it this way.

If you were a diabetic, you would have to take insulin and eat a special diet for the rest of your life. If you were to stop taking insulin for a day you would probably get very sick. After a couple of months you would probably die.

Same thing applies to us drunks. If we have one glass of wine, we'll probably have a 26er of Vodka before the night is over. Wake up and all that cunning, baffling and powerful shit will all hit at once and back we go. Withing about a week, we're driving drunk and getting kicked out of our house and then we'll want to shoot ourselves for fucking up. Within a couple of months we'd probably be dead.

I don't know about you brother, bu t I ain't prepared to there. I've probably got one more great drunk in me, but I don't think I have another recovery!

You dont want a drink, you just think you do. There is a difference. Remember the bad things that happened when you were drinking. Remember the good things , when you were not. When you do not feel strong, call on your God to be strong for you. Take care of yourself, you are important to you