I hope you make the decision to stay sober,you don't want to go through that nightmare way of life again,I'm glad you reached out.Do you think getting involved in some type of counseling would help you or possibly an AA meeting? What is your current condition with your Higher power?

My best suggestion would be take some action and go to AA. Going to AA and taking the 12 steps is the only thing that worked for me to take away the craving on a long term basis.

I believe that what you are experiencing is the obsession that is part of alcoholism. I couldnt beat that with my own thinking as my thinking was faulty with respect to alcohol. I had to stop fighting it and surrender to trying another way. Antabuse might deter us from drinking but it doesnt do anything about what is going on in our heads.

I also believe that your desire not to feel anymore is part of that. It is very cunning how it gets us into a position to start thinking that drinking is a good option. "Don't want to feel anymore - the only way I can acheive that is by drinking" and all of a sudden we have been lured again.

I have experienced what you are and it is a horrible thing. AA changed things completely for me and I am now free of those thoughts and have been for a long time.

PM me if you would like to. I am in GBR also.

Just think about what the pros and cons are to picking up a drink. When we have a support group like Alcoholics Anonymous we're just a phone call away from all the support we need. You have a son now. Is that something you're willing to risk? You need to get out of yourself and "do" something different. Alcohol has never done anything but make a bad situation worse. Get yourself to a meeting and learn how to live life in a sober way. You know theres no solution in taking a drink.
Stay strong in your committmtnt to yourself.and your son.
Greg

Just been speaking to someone who had a 6 month course of Antabuse, stopped and drank again. Insanity returned pretty quickly.

Know of another who had 6 years (mostly) off booze only to develop chronic liver failure - not from alcohol, but from long-term antabuse dependance.

Useful for some, but a temporary solution to a daily problem. Experience tells me there's a better way.

Just a question: Do you believe your son deserves a sober mother?

3 years is something to be proud of and you don't want to go and lose that over this wave.

remember when you were really sick and your life was falling apart. remember why you stopped drinking in the first place.

live in the moment as well. in the morning, look outside and give thanks to how you feel being sober. feel the sun shine on your face and know that you are not sick and can enjoy the day in whatever way that you want to.

So glad you are sharing this. I agree with the others. Go to a meeting, share exactly how you are feeling.
Do you have a sponsor? If so, call her.
I've found that NOTHING helps more than working with other alcoholics. Sharing, hearing their stories, helping someone else.
You have good solid time. There are women out there who can't put a day together and want to know how you did that. Share with them. You can find them at beginers meetings, you can go into prisons and institutions, you can volunteer for phone servivce.
Get into ACTION so you can keep moving away from booze.

Congrats on the 2.75 years! I only have 1.75 myself, but incase it helps, here's how I do it- I always have in the back of my mind that sobriety cannot last forever. At some point in time, I will drink again. The only way out of it is death. But... That day will not be today or tomorrow. I know that sounds nuts, and not like the kind of mindset someone would have if they were serious about staying sober, but it's one day at a time at it's finest, and it damn sure worked for me for a lot longer than my previous sobriety record of 5 months (my approach then was swering to never drink again). Whenever I am tempted to drink, I ask myself if it is worth giving up every day of sobriety between now and the day when I must drink again, just for that tasty looking beer or long island iced tea that I'm looking at in a resturaunt or wherever. The answer of course, is always no. To avoid temptation, I try to schedule my time and set goals for myself that would not be possible to achieve without my being sober.

This so reminds me of my lack of willpower and how I could never 'beat' wanting that drink (obsession) and never understood why 'not drinking' was the one thing that I wanted to not do so badly yet why was it I kept doing it?

For me, it took the rooms of AA. It took me to learn about the three fold illness and how I always took that drink mentally before I picked it up in my hand.

When I accepted alcoholism was a disease and I was powerless over it, I surrendered and began willing to get a new solution to help me with the 'ism' (I, Self and Me).

For me, drinking was my solution to life...I used it to celebrate, I used it to commerisate....I used it for everything. If I took the drinking away, I had no solution. That is why I kept doing the drinking..I was without defense against that first drink.

Today I have a new solution...I found that in the rooms of AA.

Stay sober because you deserve it, your son having a sober mum is the icing on the cake :)

My father was an alcoholic - it is not the life I would want for any child. He remarried and my stepmother told him to quit and he did - 23 years until he passed away!

I wish he had met her when I was a young child.

Go to AA, make new friends in your community. Join other mothers in a park and give your son the best life you can.

I know it's adiseaes, I'm not into aa. I'm a single mum, I just moved into a place of our own I suffer depression. Among other things I look at my sone I got sober for him to have him and stayed sober to keep him, I got maderedundent and split up with the father though he wants to get back together everytiime he hears I don't want him. I didn't drink tonite but I feel every day like I can't get out of bed and all I want to do is be drunk, cry, sleep, take sleeping pills. My doc gave me antidepressants but I just can't get it together and I love my son he's wonderful. My family want to take him overnight but I'm scared t I'll break.
Thanks for your advise I swallowed an antabuse. And will go asleep soon I guess

"I'm not into AA" sort of sounds like a strange thing to say. I dont think any of us end up there because we are into it. Usually it is because repeated attempts to stop drinking fail or because we cannot stop thinking about drinking even when we are not doing it. As a result of those things our lived fall to pieces or we fall to pieces inside.

You may have other problems, with depression for example. but those are difficult to sort out whilst you have the obsession to drink as that takes all the focus and energy.

What is it that makes you think that AA cant help or isnt the place for you?

I went once it's not for me I'ma young woman it was full old men quite a few drunk plus I'm very spiritual but the religion aspect turned me off. It absolutely isn't an lotion. I've been to rehab and rehab groups.

I agree with Nicky. I don't know that any of us were aiming to "get into" AA. It wasnt a goal of mine personally;-) But, when I surrendered to the fact that I couldnt seem to stay sober on my own, I went to AA. And I now go because it really helps, it works, and I need the reminders and epiphanies I get in meetings.
I'm the mother of three young children, I work, and I can tell you I have a million reasons why I can't make meetings. But I go. I go to 4-6 a week. And lots of other stuff too to stay moving forward.
I hope you find a solution and I hope you don't drink. Drinking will only make anything that is wrong, worse.

I was a 28yr old woman when I first went to AA. There are loads of meetings plus lots of young people and women in AA. Plus we go because we all have the same problem. I have been helped out a lot by some "old" men in AA.

I am also an atheist, dont believe in god or organised religion. I have found AA to be spiritual not religious. The program is open to anyone whatever their beliefs.

I am not trying to persuade you to go to AA, that is a decision you have to make. I just wanted you to know that it is not all as you describe. Sometimes we get so desperate we are willing to try anything and you might change your mind in the future.