I cannot predict your future, you are the only person who has control over your recovery.

What I CAN tell you is that I went to AA, I got a sponser, and I did the steps and every single AA Promise has been fulfilled in my life and continue to be fulfilled every day of my life! You will hear them again but in order to give you hope and motivation, I will reprint them here for you:

The 12 Promises of Alcoholics Anonymous

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.

(1) We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.

(2) We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.

(3) We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.

(4) No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.

(5) That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.

(6) We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.

(7) Self-seeking will slip away.

(8) Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.

(9) Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.

(10) We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.

(11) We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

(12) Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among ussometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.

God Bless!

Thank you so much bobinmaine
Those are beautiful promises
I want nothing more than to end this vicious circle

I've taken hundreds of tries at recovery and it's been very hard for me. I might not be a " success in most people eye's, but I have learned things in my tries at sobriety, and I do have hope.
Because of A.A, and some things that have sunk through all the muck and helped me understand a bit about myself. I learned that depression was just something I grew up with. It just seemed to be always with me. Didn't know it, because I never knew what depression was when I was younger, and neither did anyone else at that time. It wasn't heard of really. My father's solution would have been," a good kick in the ass will fix that."
All I know is that I remember crying a lot when I was a kid, and wishing I could be in other peoples families. I suppose I felt guilt too, because you "weren't supposed" to think that way about your family. I was confused and couldn't talk to anyone about it. I didn't know how.
I now have learned that most alcoholics struggle with this sense that seems to develop when were young of feeling awkward and uncomfortable around people. As if we are some kind of misfits, and just don't belong anywhere. We just don't fit in like other people, and seem forever to find a way. My way to fit in was trying different substances when I was a kid. I found alcohol took away most of that awkwardness, and I stuck with it. But as we all know, that romance usually ends up very badly, and it did.
A.A, will help you recover, but it's not as easy as it can seem. There's so much more to recovery than just quitting drinking. Of course stopping drinking is the first thing to do. Nothings ever going to change for an alcoholic until they stop drinking. Nothing that seems worthwhile anyway.
Right now I don't feel so alone anymore. I know I'm with others that have gone through the same things that I have. I've only begun to scratch the surface, because I've just come back again. But I do know from past attempts at sobriety, and experiencing some of the gifts of sobriety, it is very well possible to recover from this. I see many people each day that are doing it.
What I'm also learning this time is that I can't just sit around watching, and just being around wishing " If that would just happen me." I need to stop fighting, and analyzing, and comparing everything, and everyone around me. I've really wasted so many good years of my life already, and I don't want to die as an active alcoholic all alone.
I need to try and be open minded about everything. If they say they got sober by doing this, then I need to listen, and try what they are saying. Prayer is a big one, but if I want their recovery, and they say to do it, just do it. Often this is the first thing people fight in recovery, but we really have no idea on our own anything on how to recover. So whatever program we choose for recovery, if were not willing to do what they are telling us to do to get it, then how the hell can we get it? It's impossible! We don't know how to recover or quit, otherwise we would have done that long ago.
Anyway, I know I'm getting way into this. I'll try and make it shorter. Just go to the meeting. Try and just let them know that you need help with this. I'm assuming that you can't do it on your own, so this will be an opportunity to just ask for help. Help will come, but you will have to do the work. Find someone to show you how they got sober, and then try an do what they say. Usually this will be a sponsor. Just ask for one. this can be hard, but it's a great start. Then learn, and try and listen. Don't expect to be perfect. You'll make mistakes as we all do. Just keep it at that for now. I'm finding that if I just stay with one day, I can stay sober for that, and that's all I try and do. Then tomorrow if I'm here, go out and do it again.
Wish you all the best.James