I did not lie about how I felt leading up to drinking...and I id not lie about how I felt/feel.....I just want to feel loved now...my ex is coming over....smoke some weed and forget, forget, forget....tomorrow is reality...I will be okay, I will make it out of the fog...I know why you all preach AA now....what else do you tell someone who feels so distant....I know there is hope still...this is not the end of me....

Hey it happens. Problem is, lying about it only hurts you. I used to think I was a good liar. That no one knew I had a problem. Little did I know that I have know idea what I'm like when I'm drunk and apparently its pretty bad (or sad, it can be titled both ways).
The best you can do is learn from your mistakes and apologize to yourself. Otherwise, the inner turmoil could drive you to drink again.

I agree you only hurt yourself .but lieing is part of the drinking process as well////fly

It is alcoholic behaviour to lie/cover up about drinking Ashley...the amount of times someone would say to me 'are you drinking?' and then I'd say 'noooooooooooooo' but of course I was. Or the 'how much have you had?' and I would say two glasses when I had had five!

You are not a loser and there is tomorrow but we never know that it will come. Why not stay in the day? Today is a new day Ashley and you know you can do this.

As my good DS friend says.....the want has to be more than the need.

It's all part of the disease Ashley. The excuses and lies fool no one except yourself. Your brave to admit it. Just don't give up. Each day is a new one. If at first you don't succeed.....CHANGE SOMETHING.
It may be to remove yourself from temptations harm, changing the habits that make you drink, and seek out a meeting or friend (this one I can definately recommend).
CM xxx

ho Ashley
no doubt it will be tomorrow when you read this
so today you have the same chance to be sober as the rest of us no better no worse
being honest is a major step in the right direction it just is vital
the emotion thing i think does take time Ive been sober 2.5 years and still struggle with very close emotional and physical stuff which i feel guilt about but without my recovery i am worthless to me or anyone
have a happy sober day Ashley you deserve it

Ok...it is today. Chin up, throw out the booze, the pot and whatever else might tempt you and get on with today.

Yesterday is gone and nothing can change that. So I'll say it again. Chin up, put on a your best attitude, forgive and move on.

Ree

Remember Step One....Powerlessness with that horrible unmanageability. We just don't pick up no matter what because we know where it will lead us and how it makes us feel. I lied constantly during my drinking/using days. It's part of the game to protect ourselves from others and how they think about us.

Once I put everything down I was told to get honest. I didn't know how to do that very well but I didn't practice that. Little by little I got better at it. They told me that it was part of recovery. I had to be honest with myself and decide within what I wanted from life. Did I want to continue to get smashed all the time or did I want to get sober? I decided to try a different way because this is about life or death to me.

We just do drink/use no matter what.

That's one of the hardest parts of recovery....having feelings. Addicts don't want to have them. We'd rather pollute our brains instead of endure any kind of unfamiliarized territory of ourselves and our surroundings. The only thing that thinks you are a loser is the booze/drugs. The lying is the disease protecting itself. You'll break free from this girl. Just keep trying. Keep believing and step out of your comfort zone. You might like it:)

It's the first drink, the first drink, Once we pick up the first drink our best intentions can't help us.What's to preach, We are people who should never drink or use any other mind altering substance.

Hey Ashley, Most alkies here can understand exactly about the lies. What I don't understand is what you are actually doing about quitting. Have you just decided to stop and are finding that you can't because if that's the case - it ain't working you need to try something else.

If you are going to AA I have to ask you have you got a sponsor, where are you on the steps.

If you decided against AA - now what?? Whatever it is you are doing or not doing, it's not working right now.

Although it is the first drink that starts us off craving - so we don't have to worry about it so long as we don't pick up the first drink right?? No, wrong, the mental obsession will drive you back to that first drink every time, that's why alcoholism is so hard to deal with. We tell ourselves that we ARE NOT going to drink AT ALL< never EVER again and before we know it we ARE! This is because alcoholics have a mental obsession that will whisper sweet nothings into your ear telling you this time it will be different, you've learned your lesson etcetc. and so we pick up again.

If you want to recover you need to do something different - question is what's it to be?

If you need help on any AA stuff, please feel free to pm me.

Take care

Lyn

Ashley- I think I've asked you this before, but maybe I can put it another way. What do you like to do? What are you interests?

From your other posts, I really believe that you are bored and at loose ends. You're also young, and have great potential for the future. I believe you mentioned that you have no hobbies? (another post). Anyone with an interest in something has a potential hobby. Do you like to read? If so, what? Do you like animals? Gardening? Have you been wanting to start an exercise program? How about photography?

I bring all of this up, becuase there are ways to turn your interests into a hopby and connect with others who have the same interest. That would allow you to meet people who do activities other than drinking.

An art gallery near me has a 6 week (weekly) class on artistic digital photography. The continuing education clases at the local college offers siminars on all kinds of things (and they're rates are cheap - cheaper than buying pot and wine every week).

Tell us what you like to do, and I'll bet any number of us could come up with ideas to explore these interests. It's not a complete "cure-all", but I really think it would snap you out of this funk.

Hope to hear from you on this!

Ashley, we have all lied! "have you been drinking?" a coworker yelled LOUDLY one day at work. We always say "tomorrow is the day!" I can't tell you how many times I have asked God to help me and forgive me for being so stupid...and yet, sometimes we keep doing it to ourselves. TRY TRY TRY...you CAN do it, if you want to!! I'm not saying I haven't slipped because God and everyone else knows I have, but it takes work girl. The "easy way out" leads to more heartbreak and death eventually...

Hey sweetie! You've got tons of great responses and I agree with all of them. It's good that you are being honest. I've seen you struggling for awhile, as we all do. I guess part of the struggle I hear is the "battle" of "a new life" and "the habits" of an old life; not so much drinking...because I really hear you want to change that. What I also hear is that you are likely to slip when you go back to "the old life" instead of making "small steps" toward developing a new life. Heck girl, developing a new life is really really tough...I really think you might consider counseling or treatment group to work on "new life skills." You've got the desire to stop, it's just getting the new life in order...YOU CAN DO IT!!!! Love you my KY sister!