Anned22. Seriously ,only you know if you have a problem. Only you can say that your conscious is bothering you. Thats your body trying to tell you something. It really is hard to explain what makes you an alcoholic. People have these preconcieved ideas of what an alcoholic looks like. Or acts like. Truth be told. Normal drinkers NEVER ask themselves I wonder if I'm alcoholic. No one ever said you have to lose everything before you're considered alcoholic. We need to stop looking at alcohol as if its a right . Or if I dont drink its a right denied.Get back to your meetings and get a sponsor. Learn to apply the steps to your everyday life. You will not only learn how to live life without alcohol. You'll experience a new way of living. Let that old Anned22 go. Theres a new Ann just waiting for a chance to live. Keep coming back and remember there is no solution in alcohol. Greg

You may need professional help if you are depressed when you are sober. When you are drinking are you happy? Seems to me you came here because you believed you had a problem. Not all of us were "rock" bottom before we got help. I never had a DUI/Divorce/Job loss etc. However alcohol was making me sick and I knew if I didn't stop it would kill me and I just don't want to die a drunk. Its a progressive illness and you will not get better if you are an alcoholic. You will only get worse. I do hope you find your path and this is truly your "last Hurrah".

Ditto to what poobear said. It does get worse. Trust me.

First, I'm glad you are here and really glad you are admitting drinking.
Second, I drank up to a bottle of wine a night most nights. Sometimes more but usually my MO was about a bottle. No DUI's, no loss of job or even a sick day due to a hangover. But I'm a real alcoholic. I know this in my gut. I don't need to get caught drunk driving to know that.
I drove buzzed, and yes drunk. I just didnt get caught. I drove a few times with my children in the car. That to me was the height of my "ism."
Ive heard horror stories too. I look at them as great warnings. Someone else experimented for me, I don't have to.
on the other hand, ask your Doctor if a bottle of wine is A OK on a nightly basis.
But you already know its not.
Now get back into the program, dust yourself off, and you will be just fine.

From you post A22 I suggest the first thing you really need to do is find out your truth. Are you or aren't you an alcoholic I believe once you answer this question you will then be in a better position to make decisions about your future.

Not knowing will always have that little voice in your head.

I wish you well G8

I too question how much of a problem I have because I'm in control of my life, to the visible extent. I have kids, a job, and seem to have it together. But lately I've realized that although I have everyone else fooled, it's getting harder to fool myself. What others think doens't matter, right? You are who matters...I should listen to my own advice!

G'Day Anne

Just a little thing on the difference between an alcoholic and a social drinker.

There are two people both working each day they go home from work in the afternoon and both like to have a glass or two of wine. One afternoon they both go home and theres no wine in the house. The social drinker won't worry he says to his partner next time your out shopping could you buy a bottle of wine it doesn't matter if its a week or a month . The alcoholic comes home there is no wine.they start to worry wheres all the wine gone they may even accuse there partner of drinking it and demand they go straight to the bottle mart for more wine.

It's not about how much we drink but for me more about the effect the alcohol has after we take a drink.

Some say alcoholism is a disease of perception it's like you said you listen to others writing about or talking about there symptoms after drinking dui's job loss, divorce so on and instead of focusing on you you focus on them and say well that hasn't happened to me and i use the word yet. well i can't be alcoholic.

But we say try and listen to the similarities when new and not the differences they may yets. If you have been to a meeting of AA there could be a problem .I know I didn't wake up one beautiful sunny morning walk out into the garden and say what a great day I think I'll join AA. There where things happening in my life that got me to those meetings.

This disease is cunning baffling and powerful and the only disease that tells you you dont have it. This is a three fold disease it affects us mentally emotionally and spiritually so i would suggest not only looking at the dui's and so on but how you are traveling mentally and emotionally .

Just a few things to look at I hope all goes well for you .

God Bless...

Lionel

Do you have a desire to stop drinking? Do you want a different solution?

You sound like me before I finally quit. I didn't have any crash bottom either. But ... I just knew that the next time .... I wasn't going to get any more chances ... and my FEAR of hitting a crash bottom helped me make the decision to quit and get myself somewhere to help me stay stopped.

I have NO idea how or why I never got a DWI or into any legal or medical trouble with all of the years (age 13 to 42) of blackouts and drunk driving, etc. I had no concept of a higher power until I was in AA for awhile. It became apparent to me that SOMETHING was really watching over and taking care of me, that's for sure!

I walked out of my first AA meeting knowing that I was going to get my answers and learn how to emotionally deal with life and not hide away in a drunken blackout!

I'm about 9-1/2 years sober now. Making the decision to stop messing around and get serious about my life was the best decision I have ever made. My other avenue would have led directly to death in some fashion sooner than later.

I don't miss alcohol one bit and enjoy living without brain altering substances. Don't need it. Nobody does.

I can relate to wondering if you're alcoholic. And hearing lots of things in AA that haven't happened to you. The thing is, you're worried about your drinking, and you've tried to stop. Sounds like you know you can't just casually have one or two, and not think about more. (Like me). Sounds like you're better off sober, and yet that it's something you can't just do on your own. Sounds like you need AA to help you stay sober. Like me. Try not to worry too much about the label 'alcoholic.' Stay away from the first drink and keep reaching out for help.

Your post could have been mine..... I fought the argument in my head over and over. Just because I have never been to jail or dui (same thing), doesn't mean I am not alcoholic. We all come from a different place and I just knew that I loved being able to escape with alcohol and it really wasn't an escape just a vicious cycle.

I am only 18 days into it this time (quit many times), but feel I am going to stick with it..... at least for today.

AA meetings are my life saver, but I have to admit that all meetings are different and some groups are more difficult to hang with, so don't give up.

I know the steps are important, but right now, step one and two are it for me.

YOU CAN DO IT.... you deserve it!

Hello,

I have been struggling since the summer of 2009. Have relapsed many times. I thought that I was supposed to get hit with a lightening bolt or have a indescribable epiphany once I walked into the AA rooms -- no such luck! What helps me is to connect with ALL AAer's and the hear their stories.... read the literature. This AA book was extremely helpful to me http://www.aa.org/pdf/products/p-13_doyouthinkyourediff.pdf.

You'll see that every AAer is the same but also different in that all of us don't wait and can see that bottom coming up for them. The face that it makes you sad when you're sober is information for you. I know that I used to feel like you -- drinking is so much fun (NOT) and just one more won't hurt! Then why can't I stop at just one?

Good luck and God Bless. Keep checking in. Go to meetings. Enjoy the present when you're sober and get through the tough times sober and don't pick up!

There are a lot of us who held life together without DUI's, Jail or Job loss. For me it was a slow drop into the pit and outwardly most people did not know the extent of my drinking.

But I think you've already realized that this is a dead-end street for you. And the mark of a healthy person whether you can make the right decisions when no one is watching. A "last hurrah" is often a signal that you're not quite ready to quit.

Just know that there are many others with the same type of drinking habit, and who are functional.....but it's still no way to live.

I had a divorce due to drinking but I never got arrested and or got a dui.

As the Big Book says on page xxvi
that the body of the alcoholic is quite as abnormal as his mind. It did not satisfy us to be told that we could not control our drinking just because we were maladjusted to life, that we were in full flight from reality, or were outright mental defectives. These things are true to some extent, in fact, to a considerable extent with some of us. But we are sure that our bodies were sickened as well. IN our belief any picture of the alcoholic which leaves out this physical factor is incomplete.

Only a bottle of wine a day.... let's see that is 5 drinks a day.

Guideline from the NIAAA recommend no more than 3 drinks a day for women, not to exceed 7 drinks per week. At a bottle of wine a night, you are drinking 35 drinks per week.

Sounds like a problem. So does this from your first discussion:

"I obsess over drinking, when I'm going to get one, how to hide it, how to not talk so I dno't slur my words. How to not stumble. All the while feeling stupid that I've drank so much."

Do you really feel the need for this to get worse so you can feel like you "hit bottom?" Keep drinking and it will get worse. That is a guarantee.

BTW -- I did not get a DUI or lose my family and most people did not know I had a problem. I had a big problem and it was tough to face it, admit it to myself, and make the decision and commitment to quit.

I like what LLB said:
"And the mark of a healthy person whether you can make the right decisions when no one is watching."

You have to quit for you, not based on whether other people think you are a problem drinker or not. And likewise, quitting doesn't just count when people who know you have quit are around. It is choosing to not pick up a drink even if no one else will know. You know, and that's who you have to quit for -- you.

Lots of room up here on the wagon... lots of company.... so climb back on board.

I never lost a job, or family, or my home. I never got arrested. Never got a dui or public intox. No one in my family or circle of friends knew the extent of my problem. I excelled in school, in sports, and in my career, all the while drinking alcoholically, which means I had a dependence on alcohol and was suffering for it.

There was a point in time, I drank only a bottle of wine every night, and I passed out every night a little shy of trashed. I wish I had known then the progressiveness of alcoholism. There were many days back then where I knew I had a problem and wished I'd wanted to stop. Instead of getting help then, I wasted away another 10 years with no social life, no friends, and very little family time.

Your bottom is wherever you choose to put down your shovel and stop digging. I can promise you it will only get worse.

Other peoples' opinions are irrelevant. It is your choice to get the help or not. Whether you relate to alcoholism is important I think for the solution to work, but you can make that decision yourself after reading the BB.

Finish up your drink and try again. Sounds to me like sobriety might be the best choice for you.