You answered your own question. You drink to relieve stress and to make you feel more social.

My suggestion is that you find other ways to relieve stress. I took up jogging which made me feel more energetic, confident and it also helped me become more social! My identity became "Bob the runner" instead of "Bob the wino!" You get the picture I am sure. I know you have 3 kids which must keep you pretty busy but I am sure you can make time for you! You are important!

The problem with finding other things to sink your passion into is that it requires work. It's too easy to down a bottle of red rose wine then to put on a pair of shorts and run around the block, or to take art classes or music lessons or do volunteer work or any one of hundreds of other things that manifest personal satisfaction.

I think you need alot of support as well and AA is a great place to find support, but if you don't feel it's for you, then there are many other ways to stay sober. AA worked for me, but it's your decision.

God Bless

I echo the sentiments. AA was everything for me. Introduced me to new and good people., healthy people. I learned accountability.

I appreciate the suggestions. One problem I had with AA is that when I'm not drinking I'm shy, quiet,introverted so AA is not the ideal environment for my type. Any suggestions on how to navigate AA if you're anti social?

AA accepts shy introverted types and still will help you stay sober...join with the winners who share how to recover and make some only female friends get a sponsor and if that is only person you socialize with fine....but get to AA

I have social anxiety too. My only thing was to find a group and keep forcing myself to go. Now I feel comfortable with the core group. My sponsor is in the group as well and we talk or text everyday so I know her there too. She once told me I never had to be shy around these people because although different we all have the same problem and are seeking the same help.

I'll give it another shot. Maybe I can get a 30 day chip this time.

Mindfull meditation helped me go beyond 30 days

Msmermaid thank you for those tips. I'll work on not isolating myself which I tend to do even when people reach out to me.

Impermanence. I like mediation but how do you apply it to quitting drinking?

The thing is that at an AA meeting I learn to be less shy and i learn to open up. See I always poured booze on life to deal. Now I have the tools to deal with the things life sends my way. The important thing is that every time i just tried to cease drinking I failed. This time im trying to have a replacement for drinking. its what i have gained not what Im losing. The deal is centered in my head and I needed to relearn some things. I just couldnt do/ learn what i didnt know.
1is2many
there is hope and you can GET sober

Hello QueTMama,

It is good that you are trying to understand the reasons why you cannot stop drinking as getting a grasp on the exact nature of the problem is the foundation stone of recovery. If you ask an alcoholic why they drink it is likely that they will come up with many reasons but the reality is that an alcoholic drinks for only one reason and the rest is only justification and excuses.

An alcoholic is different in mind and body when compared with other drinkers and that difference is the reason for your troubles. The first difference is that the mind of an alcoholic becomes obsessed with alcohol. A person who suffers from this mental obsession will always find a reason to drink but will justify it by calling it something else. For example, my team win/lost; the weather is too hot/cold; someone said something that upset me; It’s my partner’s fault; it’s the weekend and the list goes on and on. The one and only real reason is that drinking has become an obsession.

The second difference is that an alcoholic develops an abnormal reaction in the body to alcohol. This reaction only occurs only in alcoholics and not in so-called normal drinkers. The result is that once a small amount of alcohol such as one drink is consumed, a strong craving occurs in the body for more. The body sends a message to the brain and the brain tells you to have one more as it will help you to cope with stress. Each drink makes the craving stronger and it becomes very difficult to stop. If you have ever had a lot to drink but feel that you still did not have enough, you will have been suffering from the physical craving for alcohol. The good news is that if you can avoid taking the first drink, the craving for more cannot develop. This craving is the reason why attempts at controlled drinking always fail if the person is an alcoholic.

When things get bad enough, a decision is made to stop and the alcoholic pits his or her willpower against the urge to drink, the obsession. This can apparently work for some people but it doesn’t work for many or probably for most alcoholics. The reason is that the obsession for alcohol doesn’t go away just because you have stopped drinking. You stop and get up to 30 days but all the while, your subconscious mind is telling you that you need to drink. An obsession may be described as an idea that overcomes all other ideas and it will eventually overcome your willpower and your decision not to drink. You will justify it to yourself by saying that a few drinks would help you to cope with stress but the real reason for your drinking is that your mind has become obsessed with alcohol. Once you take the first one, the craving kicks in and you cannot stop.

If you are serious about quitting you will need to be willing to push yourself out of the comfort zone and do things that you are not immediately comfortable with. I would suggest going back to AA but to also make use of everything that AA has to offer. Arrive early at meetings and leave late as that will allow you to get to know other members. Stick mainly to the ladies, at the beginning at least and get telephone numbers so that you can call someone if you feel tempted to drink. Try to contribute in small ways by helping out, for example with tidying up after the meeting. Push yourself to share, even if you think that you have nothing important to say. Something that you say could strike a chord with a new member and it could help to save that person’s life. Don’t worry about saying the wrong thing or making mistakes because the person who gets it righty every time has not been born yet.

After you are comfortable in finding your way around the meetings, ask some lady who has what you would like to have if she would become your sponsor. If you follow her suggestions, your life will change completely. You may still be an introvert but you will be full of self-confidence and will have a high level of self-worth.

Now that you know the reason why you cannot stop drinking, you can begin on the journey to freedom.

Talking about being shy, I am the biggest introvert I know! It took a long time before I could build the courage to walk through the door of that first meeting and when I did, it was the best decision I ever made. I said nothing at meetings for many years and just listened. I went to meetings just the same because I always seemed to have a good week after attending. I have been asked to chair a meeting about 6 times but only agreed to do so the last two times. The first time, I was in front of a large group of alcoholics, I could hardly talk but the second time, which was last night, I did much better. I feel much much better for facing my fears and I look forward to doing it again!

God Bless!

Thank you all so much for your expertise and understanding. I have to point out that when I attended AA meetings in the past everyone was very friendly and reached out to me. I even got phone numbers from a couple of the women but I didn't use them of course. I realize that I have to come out of my comfort zone and accept help if I'm going to be successful in the program. It would also be helpful if there were AA meetings that allow children or have daycare since I'm with mine all the time. I looked at the book but didn't see any in my area that you can bring children to. They'll be with their Dad this weekend so I can go then. It's a start. Anyway, Thanks again for all of your support.

I second the first bobinmain reply. There is no magic answer to just wake up one day without the cravings. It is a long road for most of us. You will have to rethink what you want from life. Alcohol and other drugs are just a very simple and easy way to drawn any discomfort and anxiety without having to go through the clash with them. The good news is that it is doable, it takes time and efford. Stress management tricks, several books from former alcoholics, meditation helped me (me still work on it). Get on the road and be aware that most likely it will be a bumpy one; however, it's worth it, as it will make you a better person as well.

Thank you so much jstsng. It never occurred to me to read books by former alcoholics. I love reading nonfiction. I think I'm going to start with Drinking, a Love Story by Caroline Knapp. I just read the first few pages on Amazon and I already recognize myself in her former drinking habits. I never thought of my drinking as an obsession but that's exactly what it is. I'm always thinking about my next drinking session and whenever I go out that's the first thing I plan to do before, during and after the outing no matter where I'll be going. Even when I'm just staying in. It's taken over my life. I am so grateful I found this site. You guys are awesome!

QueT, as long as they are open meetings, you can bring them. I see babies all the time, and I've seen kids of various ages. I brought my 11 year old daughter one year when I took a chip.

When you let your guard down, you will find that AA can be like family, and kids are very welcome.

I hope you attend this weekend while your kids are with their dad.