In my area, all of the AA groups have alcohol free get togethers for the entire family. They have picnics at a local lake in the summertime, just a few miles from me. They charge a couple of dollars but if you cannot afford it then you get into the park for free. There is also a place up in the mountains where they spend a weekend with family camping and having a great time.

I don't know what activities the AA groups have in your area but you should check it out!

God Bless

I think it's challenging to be sober when you have friends who drink, and have get together a that revolve around drinking. I'm happy for you that you are at a point of being around alcohol and not be influenced by it. I think part of my fears about stopping drinking completely is not fitting in, or not being "fun." But I do feel happy doing small get togethers with friends that don't involve drinking, and I'm thinking about how I can encourage my friends to do that more (as well as my boyfriend). What are some things that have worked for you when you feel like all your friends want to do is drink?

Thanks for your honesty. We are not a glum lot. Maybe getting back to meertings and meeting different people will be good for you. I heard a saying- like all of AA - and that's if you go to the barber often you are going to get a haircut. Meaning if you continue to go out with drinkers - you too will drink.

Get back to meeting - get a sponsor and get into the Big Book now.

Hello Candi,

Sometimes it can be good to move on from past associations and to explore new options. It may take a change of thinking, a move from what you can’t do to what you can.

Last night. I spent several hours in a drinking establishment, having a meal in the company of eight other people, including two overseas visitors. I reflected afterwards on the fact that there was not one alcoholic drink ordered by anyone throughout the evening. It was a highly enjoyable experience and proof to me that you don’t need alcohol in order to have a good time.

The many times that I tried to quit at two would want to be able to hang out with the normal people but the bottom line is when I drink I drink alcoholically. I have also learned that a couple of my character defects or Envy and jealousy. When I spend time with other people that are drunk or even drinking heavily it makes me want to drink. I'm an alcoholic I want to drink to escape life. One time I quit drinking for two years I was miserable I tried to go to all the places that are in and we went to and finally one day at a Christmas party I just cracked went back to drinking for several more years this time it's different I don't go into the lions den as much as I used to I hit up a meeting often and discuss what's going on in my head instead of stuffing it in. See The truth of the matter is the alcohol was not the problem it was the behaviors and the self image that was my issue today I work on being a better person and therefore I don't need to get drunk and escape. it's all mindset and focus. I spent all day thinking I'll never be able to drink again like normal people rather than focusing on the good things that come from sobriety I'm cooked. It's focus and mindset. Also the people that I hang out with don't drink and that makes me a happier person today
1is2many

So many good comments in your post and appreciate the sharing Candi. Had a couple thoughts and comments. I had 10 1/2 months sobriety when I decided to have a glass of wine with a date one night at one of my favorite restaurants. I remember thinking at the time, what the hell?, I can just have one! I ended having four glasses of wine there and another three at the concert we went to. I had also stopped going to my recovery meetings and forgot one important thing that evening: that I was powerless over alcohol. I think that's a benefit of the meetings we often forget, the weekly reminder that: Oh yeah, I'm alcoholic.

Right now you're vacillating between longing for the good life of drinking again and knowing the probable outcome if you do. I appreciate you sharing it here, but highly suggest you return to your group too. It doesn't matter if it's AA, Refuge Recovery or some other alternative. That community knows the doubts your having, the pain of reestablishing yourself in a sober network of friends, and most importantly, they're dealing with the same temptations and struggles every day. Have you worked the steps of your recovery? For me that changed everything. Before, being sober was like putting a bandaid on cancer. It hid the sore, but wasn't treating the underlying illness. Alcoholism is just a symptom. Once I understood this and began the hard work of peeling back the onion to find the core of my illness, all the other concerns started to melt away. I'm not saying I don't occasionally miss the old days, but I don't any lose sleep over them because my life is so much fuller now. You're new life is out there too Candi and I wish you the best!

Thanks everyone for the input. Everyone leans soooooo heavily on AA, which is good if it works for you. I never really felt a strong sense of connecting there, but maybe it fit the bill anyway, maybe I'm not meant to or I don't even need to feel any connections. I like listening to other people's stories because they're interesting and oftentimes make me realize how grateful I am to have not gone through some of the terrible things that others have.

sunnybutcloudy: I'm fortunate to have some friends that like to do other things as well. I have a group that I run with so we participate in races together. I do a lot with animals as well, volunteering etc, so there is always something to do. I like yoga, playing poker, hiking, riding bikes, cooking, etc so to be honest I really don't see a reason to try to hang out with people who are drinking anymore, especially if it's not fun for me.

I know I don't need to drink to have fun so I just need to focus on the fun things that I do where people aren't drinking and for the people who don't want to do any of those activities, I don't need to be around them.

Kevin105: Yes, last time I was sober for 9 months I decided that I could try some controlled drinking also.......led to a year and a half of drinking before I could gather the strength to be sober again. I hope that is the last time I get roped into that line of thinking.

Me too. There's an excellent book by William Porter (2015) that explains why the majority of alcoholics will never be able to sustain a normal approach to their drinking, regardless of how long they stop, called "Alcohol Explained". It's available on Amazon for $10. This book was a revelation for me in uncovering the physiological and psychological reasons behind my drinking, and why having just one or two drinks would be more difficult than having none at all. For the subject matter, it's a fast read and I'd recommend it to anyone here who wants a greater understanding of their addiction.

kevin105 - thanks for the book recommendation I will check it out. I have found it is MUCH easier to drink none than drink 1 or 2. Drinking 1 or 2 is virtually impossible and I've only be able to accomplish that a handful of times despite hundreds of attempts.

Will hopefully never try again.

The compulsion is hardwired in the brain. I had 24 years sober. My father and son died 3 days apart in October 2001. I went back to drinking. The compulsion immediately kicked in. It took me several years to quit again.

Today I rarely find myself around social drinkers. I didn't try to do it. It happened.

I understand. what it is like to go to AA meetings and not fit in. I also firmly believe that it is not necessary to go to meetings once sobriety is attained. To go on with my life, I had to fix my problems. I read self help books. I went to therapy. I studied Buddhism. I found mindful meditation a great help. My life became better. I got through two cancer treatments without drinking. Today I am content with life.

"Compulsivity Repetitive actions inappropriate to the situation that persist, that have no obvious relationship to the overall goal, and that often result in undesirable consequences; behavior that results in perseveration in responding in the face of adverse consequences; perseveration in responding in the face of incorrect responses in choice situations or persistent reinitiation"

Stahl, Stephen M.. Stahl's Essential Psychopharmacology (Kindle Locations 11702-11705). Cambridge University Press. Kindle Edition.

Thanks Candi! I think I should learn from you and nurture the relationships that are healthier than the ones that aren't. Maybe join a local running club or something. I just need to find more people that enjoy the outdoors and things other than hanging out in pubs.

"It is ok"

You hit the nail on the head with that statement, it is perfectly alright that we don't drink. Most non-alcoholics could care less, however I have found being around drinkers, no less joyful than when I was drinking.

I found out through not drinking that I do enjoy being in a social environment, laughing, so when I am around drinkers now, I just listen to what they are saying, and join in the fun if they are laughing and speaking easily.

I did it this evening actually, was laughing and having a grand old time being social while the rest of the people were having wine.

I remember drinking and people then becoming very uncomfortable that I was. I had to see the selfishness in that, even though I had no idea what they were worried about.

To this day I have little to no interest in going to places where there is drinking if I have free time. I have a much less stressed experience if I choose a nature walk or investing in a hobby like music or cooking. I do not drink, so a bar has little reason for me to enter, it's that simple. If a friend wants to see me, I know I don't have to see them in a bar, and if it is a good idea to see me right now, it will be a good idea to see me tomorrow or another day.

Simply responding "I do not drink alcohol" around former drinking partners or people who know you used to drink and get drunk, might be a little formal and might encourage someone to accuse you of bluffing. I have found that with people I have never met before simply saying I don't drink is good enough and we move one, and with people who have a reference point of my drinking I simply tell them I had to stop, and most of them say "good."

I was so fortunate to become such a complete wreck when drinking that anyone who either drank with me or knew I drank, is instantly grateful that I don't anymore. I haven't met one person who I knew when drinking that has asked me if I wanted a drink or tried to get me to drink again, I had a reputation of being that much of a "drunk" or "bum", but I can see how it can get annoying and uncomfortable.

The only suggestion I have is to stay true to yourself, if you know you no longer drink, God will help with others who are asking why.

Keep in mind, America is abnormal when it comes to alcohol consumption, a good majority of the world doesn't worship alcohol like we do here in the states, so it might be more truthful to assume that drinking alcohol of any kind, non-alcoholic or not, is just normal to the American and not normal necessarily across the board. In America if you're a fifty year old and have never drank alcohol that is abnormal, but in other parts of the world if you've drank alcohol at any age that is abnormal. In other parts of the world if you drink alcohol you are looked at like a crack addict would be here in the states. It is that taboo, so consider from a larger view that the greater reality might actually be, if the whole world was surveyed, that drinking alcohol is more abnormal than normal.

The alcoholic though would be abnormally abnormal, in that case, so more the reason to just keep knowing it is never a big deal that alcohol isn't part of our lives anymore. If not drinking or if a person doesn't drink is a big deal to anyone, that person is immature and needs to get a life.

I don't have this problem, thankfully but I have a bit more time than you.

I also don't attend every AA event. I go to events when invited and when I want to see ppl I care for.

My wife is a normie and drinks minimally. If I needed to avoid her or that company, I'd spend more time with AA friends.

Its a challenge to socialize without alcohol, when you are an alcoholic. I often wonder if its easy for normies to not drink in social situations? I guess that's another topic! Anyway I've been sober for 6.5 years. It has gotten much easier to just be -- without booze. I get uncofortable from time to time in social situations, even ones in which no one is drinking (like an AM fashion show a few weekends ago!) but generally I'm pretty OK being anywhere sober. In early sobriety (first few years) I really enjoyed going to AA events, and bringing sober friends to "normie" events to feel grounded.
I haven't ever been comfortable with drunks since getting sober and as a result, a bunch of my friendships changed. I also leave earlier than I did when drinking. I find that I can have a great time for a few hours, then I need to recharge. I don't want to carry on and get drunk. When I did (and when I observe others doing it) I didn't do it to socialize anyway. I think what we miss when we get sober is the "idea" that drinking was fun and social when really, for alcoholics, its not. Its just being alone with a drink in hand and talking at or being talked at.
And I'd rather be at home, comfortable with my family, our dogs and the beautiful setting:-) I'm grateful to be sober.