kis, I'm sorry you feel need to thank us. But I feel saddest about your need to inform us you're heading for the dealers in the morning.

Most of us aren't in the business of sobering people up. We're in the business of helping others who want to stay sober.

You say you don't want to stay clean. Hope you change your mind. We'll keep the light on.

It's a funny thing, when I first stopped drinking I was convinced everybody hated me, even (especially) these alkies who were going about the business of staying sober and recovering

Life is better today, though nothing really changed except me. There was work to be done though, with an honest desire to stay sober

Good morning Keep - Please don't apologize - we are here to share each other's difficulties - this sobering up is not an easy road.
Please, we do care about you - and I see compassion coming from the replies to your posts.
Please stay on the road with us - we all need one another - even if we don't know why. I'm so sorry the AA thing didn't work out (I'm a little mad at those folks for not reaching out to you at least a little! - though I have no AA experience, so I'm not sure how that works - I'm usually a little slow to warm up to new people (trust issues)).
Please check in this morning, and let us know (hopefully) that a good night's sleep put a new perspective on things.
I care.... Hugs, lr

feeling sorry for myself has never gotten me sober. If you think for one minute you let anyone down besides yourself you didn't.

Anyone who knows anything about recovery will not tell you not to refund your misery. when you are done feeling sorry for yourself get some real help. find a place outside of cyberspace with human beings you can look in the eye and tell them the truth. good luck

my mind has not changed, the sober community where i live has proven to me they are uncaring and heartless. it doesnt matter if i want it or not, without support i am doomed for failure. PLEASE, i am not feeling sorry for myself, i am stating TRUE facts so dont attack me with that notion.

well everyone journeys there own journey and i pray that you find the right road to travel... life can be hard and yes there are some ruthless people out there.. you may call your local health department they also heal out in these setuations.... DONT GIVE UP ON YOURSELF!!!! YOU MATTER WEATHER YOU BELIEVE IT OR NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am at a loss as to what I can say that might help you see your way through this.

I am not in AA so I can't relate to what you were looking for there and how those needs were not met. When I got sober I realized I had to do it for me and nothing anyone else did was going to get in the way of that. I did not give a shit what others thought or did and there was -- and still is -- no way that a group of people was going to make me give up and turn back to poisoning myself.

But my road is different than yours. At 40+ days I was feeling good about myself because I had finally crawled out from the hell I had been living in and could see a way of life that did not include drinking myself to oblivion very single night.

You are in a different spot, and it sounds like your depression and the weight of your problems are wearing on you. I am truly sorry you are in such a dark place and I hope you are able to get help. I would not look to AA for that help -- but get to a hospital or medical professionals who are experienced with severe depression and related illnesses.

Everyone's destiny is death. Why rush the inevitable? Why not keep moving forward with the thought that you might find a way to get through the inner torment you are feeling and find some peace and maybe even some joy on this earth?

People tend to see what they look for. Are you looking for an excuse to use? One is as good as another. You can stay sober even if EVERYONE in your town is a complete ass to you. You can still get something from the meetings. If you use you will eventually die. If you don't you have a chance at things getting better someday. It might not be tomorrow or next week but it's a chance. It takes a lot of hard work and effort to have a nice life. If its not worth it to you that is your decision but how will you know if you havent even really tried? How about walking into your meeting, raising your hand and telling them that you NEED their support. I'm sure you are not the only one who has ever felt rejected and you might just be surprised at the reponse you get.

i was trying outpatient counseling too and even that was a joke. everytime we have group this one guy just talks over you and the counselor wont ask him to stop. i cant even get a full thought out so what is the point? i mean jesus if we are all here to help one another then allow someone to speak? this is why i have said society is full of nothing but selfish. self centered people who dont care about one another. this same guy basically used me to show his sponser that he was doing service work, is that all i was? hard to see the good when all every day of your life people make you feel bad. maybe ill smile tonight when i am high, that is as close to happiness i will ever get.

i remember sounding like you. blaming everyone for my inability to grasp reality. drinking was killing me, but it was everyone's fault except mine. I kept drinking trying to make them see the err or their ways, and how they were ruining my life for not paying me much attention. they owed me!

eventually someone said get off the pot. i would suggest since people are such disappointments, try God, he never let's you down.

god? are you kidding me? that false entity has done NOTHING for me. that thing sits there and allows people to kill themseleves, namely my kids mother. shes DEAD and gone and this glorious god that you all speak about did nothing and now shes 6 feet under the ground. please dont tell me about that thing, it doesnt exist...

You will do what you will do. You are responsible for your own actions, understand that life is not a fairy story and there are no magic wands.

do you think i dont know that? what the fuck is with you people?

Hey Bud,
I can tell you're in a bad place and I see that you have not been supported. You are supported here no matter what you choose to do tonight. Consider that you're not completely committed to getting lit up tonight, otherwise you wouldn't be in this conversation ;-)

I can't imagine what you've gone through losing your kid's mother. I am hoping you stay sober and find something meaningful for you in the process.