J your suggestions sound good but have you tried them before and if so what was the result??

People talk about changing their routines where possible ie drive home a different way, change where you buy the groceries etc. Even change where you sit to eat your dinner.

These of course are stop gap measures but may help to break up things.

May I suggest you have look at a program then stick to it and do what it suggests whether it be AA, SMART or any other program. From what I see the important thing is to do the work.

I hear many people say AA did not work for me. Of course AA did not work for me, I worked for AA ie I did the work it was not handed to me on a platter, if you get me drift.

Please PM if you would like to

G8

I was scard to see somebody I know in a meeting and it took over a year for this to happen. And when I did see them I was not upset. I had sobered up Go , get well

I don't miss the mornings of remorse and shame.

Cmon

1-2

Jayus: The belief about when we lose control can be an ambiguous grey line. If you asked me, I would say that while exceedingly difficult, you do have the last say about whether you are going to drink. A decision starts with a thought, and while our minds go into "self destruct mode" so easily, we can take hold of those thoughts. We can replace that thought with a more honest one, which might sound something like this, "If I drink, I will lose control do and/or say terrible things, wake up hung over and have taken one more step is making recovery all the more difficult." Or you may summon this very memory and how it made you feel. Even just for today, that thought might be what keeps you from repeating a night like the one you had.
Once we drink, we lose control over everything in our lives: our work, our relationships and even our sense of responsibility to acknowledge our mistakes--a marker of alcoholics (denial). But honestly, where the loss of control starts doesn't matter. The point is, we DO lose control with alcohol and it is a downward spiral and progressive process.
I should have been dead a long time ago, myself; God has kept me alive out of His boundless mercy. I am so grateful for that, because now I can set things right, and I am.
There is a way to stop mornings like this; waking up remembering all the terrible things you did and said. Watching ourselves drink farther and farther away from the best version of ourselves is wrought with guilt. I empathize. I don't miss it but remember those mornings well.
For me, early sobriety was a time to be proactive and preemptive; I knew that after a couple days I would want to drink again, so I prepared myself for those cravings.
There is a myriad of suggestions here about early sobriety and sobriety in general. You have a lot of tools and support at your disposal. I hope you get as much mileage out of this experience as possible, so it keeps you from drinking again.
I am so sorry you have been victim to your own self-sabotage. My heart sincerely goes out to you--I know how angry and confused and panicked you feel. I promise you that sobriety really is more than just not drinking; it will make you perpetually grateful for being alive, for another sober day, for God's graces and more. You owe yourself that. Drinking will make you perpetually guilty, self-loathing and sicker each time.
**HUG**

Hi JAYUS,

Like Deli, I also had to "flip a switch" and be done. I did not "try" to quit. I made a full-on commitment to quit. I was determined to get my life back. To take control back. And the only way I could do that was to not drink. I don't really think about whether i could stop at one. Because I do not drink, one drink is not an option.

One I made the decision, then I had to figure out what I needed to do to see it through. I did not do AA -- not because it did not work for me, but because it is not a fit for my belief system. I came here and asked questions, did some reading, and learned what I needed to get through those first days, weeks, and months.

My strategies for staying sober have changed over time. But for that first month, it was all about having a single-minded focus. Everything else was back burner.

I hope you are at the point where you can make the commitment to quit. It isn't always easy, but it is always worth it!

If you know you can't drink safely, in any amount, then you have a choice. Keep drinking and progressively get worse, and it will it never gets better --- or commit entirely to sobriety.
In and of myself I couldn't stay away from that first drink. In fact in and of myself I didnt fully recognize that I had to. I thought it was the 8th or 9th drink that caused me to do things I'd regret, feel like crap, and lose control. I didnt realize it was that FIRSt drink that started the cycle no matter how long I'd put down for.
I'm powerless over alcohol once I ingest it --- I'm not powerless as a recovered alcoholic. I'm availed of a huge power greater than myself. I call that power God. You can call it what you will --- just get some. Get it. Get sober.

Thank you everyone for all of your words and wisdom.

Everyday I wake up and my first emotion is fear of whether or not I drank the previous night, how much, and what I did. I'm assuming this will get better if not drinking becomes the norm for me.

I am panicked and uneasy and embarrassed and confused. But I'm also determined. But also afraid.

Sosa - thanks for the reminder about the fact that in a few days when my mind starts to forget about this event I will want to drink again. It always happens and I am never ready for it. I need to be proactive in my thinking.

I found that writing down all the negative things that had ever happened that were bad while I was drinking I wrote this on the back page of my big book. Then when I ever thought about going back I would just read over a few things and remember just how bad it was

See I could quit so many times. The trick is to stay quit ...

1is2many

I promise, it does get easier, the more you do it.

Face to face with someone who has the same problem is hard to beat. My experience is exactly like Sosa described. In a few days drinking was again attractive. The horrible things I put myself through were forgotten. When I started to go to meetings and making connections it was easier to stay sober. When a craving hit there was someone to call to help me get through it. Thats how I did it and you can too.

God will help you fix this, but it all starts with you. You have to make the decision. When you do you have to give in to that decision, surrender to the truth that you will not drink, and fight for it. I was a 24/7 drunk who couldn't sober up without a trip to the emergency room. One day I made the decision to stop for real. I mean really do it! I gave in to the fact that I was going to be sober and nothing was going to stand in the way of that goal. I've been to all kinds of treatment programs but nothing worked until I was so low that I knew this was my last chance and it was quit or die trying. You don't have to get to that point. You can do this! You can break the cycle and free yourself. I didn't even ask for help, but I know God is helping me. But it all has to start with you. If you set your mind, tell yourself that nothing will stop you and believe it you can be sober and happy.

for me as a rape survivor i have had a real hard time with 12 steps there are alot of folks coming that have some dark history and all i know is it triggers me but there is just so much help out there,,,, i love stanton peele smart recovery and other resources i know about one thing it is truly but a symptom , therapy helps so much , in life we have good fixes bad fixes and i have not met many who dont have deeper wounds but the alchohol never helped me get to the deeper stuff ie rape incest etc,, i encourage you to love yourself enough to put the focus on you no a boyfriend girlfriend etc the most loving thing you can do is ask for help last year brother died i did not drink through it all i prayed alot that is just me i listened to calming meditation cried and some of my so called friends abandoned me as i am getting older and well lets face it ageism is another ism ,, i can only say a bit of AA helps for me take what i like leave the rest i have a hard time with the so called gurus hitting on women so well find other help for me celebrate recovery works,, journaling what ever it is love yourself and know you are worth it i could write a book on a horrible childhood my mother made me do it she was a fall down drunk but the responsibility lies with me the buck stops here gentle hugs