Beth, many AA meetings have childcare facilities, so you might want to check out meetings convenient to you and see if one of them could care for the little ones while you do the meetings. Could you possibly get a family member or a sitter for your kids, so that you can get to at least a couple meetings a week?

As for hubby, he needs to get an understanding that the problems you have with alcohol are not just YOUR problems. Alcoholism is a family illness. He would be welcomed at Al-Anon, and it would be helpful to both of you if he would go.

He might also be willing at attend an open AA meeting with you. My husband used to go to them with me, when I first quit drinking.

He needs to start looking at ways in which he can help you, not sabotage you in your quest for sobriety.

You can do this.

Thank you Augusta!!!! I didn't know some AA meetings had childcare accomodations. I will look into that. Also, you are right. Alcohlism is a family illness. I think my husband is struggling with this because he thinks he has done something wrong. I think I will encourage him to go with me to the next meeting.

You did say "OUR" 4 year old? He is too busy with his life to care for HIS child? There are other options besides AA....Rehab, counseling etc but at a much higher cost in time, money and being completely away from the family. You need to have a heart to heart and be honest with him and let him know without his support you may just not make it! AA is NOT a social club where you go to get away from your child. You need to be there as often as it takes...perhaps you can enlist another family member to care for your little one when you go to meetings. You are right....this is a family illness and I'm sure he loves you and his child and wants you to get well. Perhaps he might try Al-anon?

Pretty hard to comment on your relationship without knowing you both Beth, but does sounds like you guys need tribal council. That is getting together one on one somewhere neutral and letting each other know how you feel and what you want of each other.

Your husband may be reacting the only way he knows and that's to switch off. Over the past year and a 1/2 his sports and social life may have been his outlet. Add to that he most likely doesn't understand alcoholism (hell I didn't) and the lines of comms between you two are going to be strained. Might be he's also just had enough. You won't know unless you talk to each other.

The desired outcome here is his support, so you need to let him know that. Whether it be through a calm chat, a letter or email, you need to let him know that you have to not just get sober, but stay sober, and not just yourself but SO you can take care of your son, and you can't do that alone. That is why you go to AA.

Also leave some AA literature somewhere at home. Never know, his curiosity might peak for him to read a little. Best wishes Beth. Whatever happens, you need to put your sobriety at no.1. God bless.

Also agree with Augusta, we welcome Parents and bubs at our meetings, and it's not uncommon for one of our members to relieve a parent of a toddler so they can sit and listen in peace. I've entertained a few ankle biters in my time. Just glad the parent has found a seat in AA. Check it out with your home group. One of them might even have a sitter to share.

Well you do know that your sobriety is your choice - and there are many type of meetings that provide child care - so if you want the sobriety - then you'll find a meeting.

Also, many times the journey of sobriety causes great strains on the relationship including some strains worse than when the drinking was happening.

Sounds to me - like he was being supportative watching yall's son and then giving up "his" activities and life and to see you wind up drunk again, may have, in his mind, said why should i give up and what i do and have been doing to help her, she's drunk again anyway.

who knows- sounds like some time needs to be taken to focus on you both, your relationshp, you son, hehas a social life and supports - even if alcohol wsn't an issue a 4 year old child takes a lot of time and dedication - i take he works, has a social ife and sports as he puts it - well he also has a family.

Peace!

Well did he sign up to be a dad? Cause that's pretty much all that's being asked of him. It's not like it's a baby, 4 year olds aren't that tough to watch.
Maybe he needs some education or an alanon meeting? Or maybe his own drinking isn't as social as you think?

First thing I would have said was that in that case I wouldnt be assuming childcare responsibilities for our 4 year old while he was out having a social life!

The way I see it your life is dependant on the AA program and what is a hour out of his time so that you can get the help you need? If you had cancer and needed treatment I am sure he would watch the baby. I had to take my kids with me to meetings sometimes. I had to do what ever it took to get my sobriety. I went to meetings 3 times a day. I went while the kids were in school or in daycare. I have over 3 years sober and still make at least 7 meetings a week.

When I first got sober beth, there were meetings at restaurants in which I was allowed to bring my kids. I just got them some food and brought crayons and paper and it was all good. Folks seemed fine with it, as I checked first. Also, people in my case were respectful with their language-that was a concern of mine. I did not care if the kids knew I was an alcoholic-God knows it is a family thing and if they have it they will see mom did something about it.

As far as your husband-you may just have to either take some of these suggestions here or do this on your own for now. I had no support from my husband and got sober for good-in fact he did not like that I was sober, really.

It can be done. xo

Blanca44 already had my thoughts posted before I got down to her thread!! EXACTLY! If you needed medical attention for cancer what would happen? Alcoholism is a dangerous 3-fold disease that needs to be treated every day.

Going on here isn't nearly enough for me. This site is a gift. Nothing like this was available when I sobered up in 1982 and I was a complete mess. I also had a 4 YO, an 8 YO, along with a wife who was pissed I was going to a meeting every night after dinner. I learned later that she suffered from "untreated al-anon". When I told my first sponsor my wife resented my meetings and referred to AA friends as "cronies", he said what Blanca just said; about treating it as a dangerous disease, and that my very life depends on the treatments.

Keep on keeping on Beth. Don't use no matter what. As long as you don't pick up a drink today, get to bed sober tonight, a power greater than you will take care of the rest. You'll be amazed...

I am saying "bump" to Blanca44 and Robert 46. I want to add that if you want to be a good mom, you have to take care of yourself! Marriage is a partnership...