Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
RUMMY...
...IS NOT ALL BULLSHIT! I have seen many of Rummy's posts, and finally recently he has begun to express honesty about his problems. In my opinion, many of you want to keep preaching the same "bullshit" to everyone who is drinking and posting.
THERE IS A REAL TANGIBLE PROBLEM HERE and Rummy knows it already. He is reaching out for help, saying it in different ways in the hopes that someone will "get it" and give him an answer. Evidently, no one here has the right answer. It's no wonder to me because most of you are aiming at the WRONG TARGET with your replies.
I don't mean offense because what is to be expected from and Alcoholism support group except different forms of "stop drinking"? I'm just saying be sensitive, and if you have no HELP to offer then say nothing and let his posts die a natural death. RECOGNIZE that Rummy's core problem is not his drinking, but is exacerbated by his drinking. BOTH problems, ALL problems need to be addressed in conjunction with one another. Rummy is on a path to wellness whether you all realize it or not. How many of you can say you are truly honest with yourself and all your intentions. I am sick of this BASH Rummy crap.
And, in my opinion, too many people are only trying to ONE UP the previous replies and/or BEST the poster. Am I wrong? There are also others here who post with the "noble?" intent of casting light on there own perceived intellect, wit, and rhetoric. ALL OF US, myself included, have to keep our intentions in check. What are you really trying to accomplish? BE BRUTALLY HONEST WITH YOURSELF AND OTHERS.
...IS NOT ALL BULLSHIT! I have seen many of Rummy's posts, and finally recently he has begun to express honesty about his problems. In my opinion, many of you want to keep preaching the same "bullshit" to everyone who is drinking and posting.
THERE IS A REAL TANGIBLE PROBLEM HERE and Rummy knows it already. He is reaching out for help, saying it in different ways in the hopes that someone will "get it" and give him an answer. Evidently, no one here has the right answer. It's no wonder to me because most of you are aiming at the WRONG TARGET with your replies.
I don't mean offense because what is to be expected from and Alcoholism support group except different forms of "stop drinking"? I'm just saying be sensitive, and if you have no HELP to offer then say nothing and let his posts die a natural death. RECOGNIZE that Rummy's core problem is not his drinking, but is exacerbated by his drinking. BOTH problems, ALL problems need to be addressed in conjunction with one another. Rummy is on a path to wellness whether you all realize it or not. How many of you can say you are truly honest with yourself and all your intentions. I am sick of this BASH Rummy crap.
And, in my opinion, too many people are only trying to ONE UP the previous replies and/or BEST the poster. Am I wrong? There are also others here who post with the "noble?" intent of casting light on there own perceived intellect, wit, and rhetoric. ALL OF US, myself included, have to keep our intentions in check. What are you really trying to accomplish? BE BRUTALLY HONEST WITH YOURSELF AND OTHERS.
I cant imagine what I would have posted on here if I had had access to it at the end of my drinking but I imagine that lots of it would have been very similar to what I see posted here by people that are in the same situation I was.
I never want to forget what it was like for me because that helps me not to judge others. I certainly dont want to be in a position of criticising and judging someone for behaving like an alcoholic.
Rummy is a dear one to my heart, and he has a good heart. He is So real and just says it like it is, and I appreciate that.
Rummy, if I've ever hurt you, I'm sorry. I'm here for ya always! (o;
If you are speaking to me, I can only say that I love all people, but disdain certain behaviors. I always look for motive. What is driving a person to do certain things?
If I see a behavior that is particularly harmful to the person (or those aroung him, for all that matters), then I get really angry. Some of these behaviors include persistent denial patters and manipulation.
I feel Rum is good at both, AND both are keeping him ill. Sorta' the "remove the brain tumor" thing I've talked about. If the person, Rummy, didn't matter, I wouldn't even waste my breath. BUT, as long as denial and manipulation persist, I will have anger present. BOTH of those behaviors are particularly destuctive to him and everyone he affects.
Wayne-
Rummy if you read this keep coming I need you as much as you need me. Staying sober takes us all.
I've been wrong about alot of things lately. I've been "irritable and discontent". I was sitting in an AA meeting last night in a bad mood and allowing resentments to build. After a while I got into the spirit of the program and realized how I've been wrong many times here lately. I did a quick tenth step and Rummy came to mind.
I'm glad you posted this thread Anna. I was feeling somewhat the same about you last night, wondering why you were hanging out here under the influence chatting up a storm. I didn't want to share the stage with you. I was wrong there too.... I guess I've turned into a cranky old man.
I stand behind that, sorry. In my mind that IS trying to help, by telling him what I think he needs to hear. As you can see I was abusive in how I did so. If you feel mooly coddling is best , that's your choice.
That said, NEED FOR ATTENTION is not inherently ignoble. No one likes to give attention to those who seek it out, myself included. As well, no one likes to help someone who outwardly appears to ignore it. All people need attention and need help. Be kind and caring in how you offer it. Cloaking your "help" in vitriol and speaking with contempt IS NOT going to "get through" the way you intend. ...In my opinion. All I am saying is check your intentions. Be certain you are honest with yourself.
Everyone hates a manipulator. Even a manipulator has an underlying need. The one who "gets through" is the one who says the CORRECT thing.
And there you have it. I was trashed last night and have been for the last 10 or so days. Tell me not to post because what comes out of my mouth in this state is bullshit. Don't talk with me. I respect that. It ain't all bullshit though.
Have we all been told now how it is that you would like us to "act"?
Something echoes in my mind...yes....there it is....Sage wisdom from long ago....goes kinda like this-
Take the cotton ......well we know how it goes :)
God's plan sometime works out despite us....in his time and plan.
OK, so we know..... as in the case of Rummy, he says he knows. He does know. Nobody here needs to tell him about himself. He gets something out of bending people's ears about himself and what a turd he is. Doesn't make him a bad person for him to do that. If he was sober and did all he does, then he'd be culpable for what he does. But for those of us who have done what he's doing, and what you're doing, to continue to entertain a drunk, it's self-defeating, it's codependent.
So we as drunks say we know, say we understand and say we are trying to push others away because we need them to dump us is just more self-serving manipulation.
So lets' see........... is there a solution? Hmmmmmmmmm? I think there can be a solution for each of us. What could that be?
You know when you try and help people and you get the same ole', same ole' sensitivity begins to run short -
Alcoholism is a brutual disease not a sensative one and for everyone involved in the disease there is always an underlying issue -
It all depends on the person receiving the help - some can only handle sensitivity and some need hardcore - there are different approaches for everyone, just as there are different ways to sober up besides just AA.
DS is not the only alcoholism support site and if a person doesn't like what they are hearing here they are free to go elsewhere.
Rummy knows I am there for him - infact he has most of my contact information - but he also knows I am not going to sugarcoat a darn thing, he' been coming to boards for quite a while -
Different paths for different recovery. Some need that gentle handholding and others (as in myself) need a hardcore slap of reality in the face -
i don't think all the people that shoot straight from the hip are being unsensitive with rummy and he knows it, or he wouldn't keep posting. I will admit, i was a little too hardcore on him not too long ago and I apologized on the board and in private and you know what he told me - no need to apologize, it was the truth and he needed to hear it.
What I like about this board - is there is a complete mixture of opinions and people - it's not all one way or no way - as you never know what comment, be it sensitive or rough is going to be the key to making someone stay sober that day or possibly longer.
None of us walk around in a field of flowers, sobriety is no easy task, the disease is hard and cruel and sometimes to tackle the monster you can only do that with a monster - and for some - reality bites!
Big hugs and peace to everyone -
I apologize now if i offended anyone, but it is what it is, reality!
Well said and appreciated
Peace to all
My suggestion would be that we all place a postit on our computer that states that we can only offer assistance/suggestions to others when not intoxicated, and if so (we are intoxicated) then we can only ask for assistance from others in regards to ourselves...
I am appreciative of all whom assisted me in my time of crisis last week. Anna was a very important player in that drama...and I appreciate her friendship. Please Anna, let us help you through this time now...if you are intoxicated you are not able to think clearly nor are you able to give advice, Period. You are loved. Trust me on this one...you can do this. Alice