Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
"Whoever is no longer capable of perceiving guilt is spiritually ill, 'a living corpse, a dramatic character's mask,'" -- Pope Benedict
My conscience.
Maybe my guilt was unfounded. It wasn't my fault. Their suffering was not mine to fix. Intellectually. Nor my fault to have been abused. Or maybe I was guilty. I was submissive. I antagonized and taunted. I "let" bad things happen even to me. I lied. I carried myself unethically at times. I do not always live up to my own standards. I have made many mistakes.
...Real or imagined, I had to escape the guilt.
I drowned myself in booze. It is like striving to be a corpse... striving to be without a conscience. And then I found myself right there and realized I was also spiritless and alone. Defunct. It was a dead end.
If in part my guilt-ridden conscience is to "blame" for my continued drinking... Then the solution, whether I am really guilty or not... I can seek help. I can forgive. I can right past wrongs. I can work on my character flaws. I can trust in a positive outcome. And I can give it away. I can have Relief ...and my spirit intact.
So for today... I believe in the 12 steps of AA.
My conscience.
Maybe my guilt was unfounded. It wasn't my fault. Their suffering was not mine to fix. Intellectually. Nor my fault to have been abused. Or maybe I was guilty. I was submissive. I antagonized and taunted. I "let" bad things happen even to me. I lied. I carried myself unethically at times. I do not always live up to my own standards. I have made many mistakes.
...Real or imagined, I had to escape the guilt.
I drowned myself in booze. It is like striving to be a corpse... striving to be without a conscience. And then I found myself right there and realized I was also spiritless and alone. Defunct. It was a dead end.
If in part my guilt-ridden conscience is to "blame" for my continued drinking... Then the solution, whether I am really guilty or not... I can seek help. I can forgive. I can right past wrongs. I can work on my character flaws. I can trust in a positive outcome. And I can give it away. I can have Relief ...and my spirit intact.
So for today... I believe in the 12 steps of AA.
Of course can he speak English, like almost every German. lol
3 years of German I think I had... Wish I could have used it more often.
How sad I don't know.... Is he German then?
Yo peeps, welcome to my hood. I be the Big Dawg, Jerry, from Cali over yonder. You think you can step to this, brah? In my crib, I am the gangsta, gangsta, gangsta, gangsta, gangsta... Bling! Peace out.
Was I close?
Hey are you and I soul cyber sistas? I am going through the same crap with shame-working on it is not fun but so neccesary to live fully.
I get pissed off at myself for being an atagonistic child-like I asked for crap. You know what has helped me see beyond this? I look at little girls the age I was when "crap" started happening and I think "there is no WAY they could be super awful or whatever-they are still young and don't know better!" THe same goes for me. I was not aware of now bratty I was, and big frickin deal. Kids are little tyrants-do not deserve mistreatment for it. Ever.
Go look at a little girl who may remind you of you at that age. Could you think she was responsible for abuse done to her? No. And same goes for you.
Shame sucks.
I've had the same thought - looking at kids at the age I was and how innocent and helpless they are... My oldest son is 9 and that's how old I was - it's an eyeopener - makes me a bit overprotective of my boys, but so be it...they'll be safe.
For me it was important to learn the difference between shame and guilt. I had it all mingled up and was living a shame based live. Victims don't stay sober and I had to overcome this victim mode (even though it still can creep in at times). Doing amends takes care of the guilt.
1) The Steps will sort out what you are responsible for and what you aren't. When we're still drinking we have that all arse-about - too much guilt over some things, no guilt whatseover for things we WERE responsible for. Getting right through to Step 9 and making amends and going through the whole process for the rest of our lives to clean up our messes; and
2) The guilt of clinical depression. Major depression has one manifestation of guilt, undesereved guilt, it's a standard part of the illness. When we get sober many of us experience depression - some people with a type of depression that will lift once we start sorting out all that crap, staying off the substance so our poor brains and bodies can recover. Then there are others like me who experience lifelong clinical depression and we need both meds and therapy to sort it out - at the same time as doing our AA program. But even in the first case, some people require support for depression in the early days and the guilt may also lesson through that support.
OTdonttread, I had a friend in early recovery who was half Catholic and half Jewsish - and yes, she got a lot of layghs when sharing about guilt!! lol
DT - I was raised Catholic and still consider myself Catholic. Everyone's experience is different. I so often hear others talk about feeling guilty as a result of their religious upbringing. This was not my experience. I learned charity, service, community, and virtue through my upbringing and that included Catholic school through 8th grade and church ever Sunday.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yycncrfdg-g&feature=related